Music

As our bodies intertwine and dance, we move to a different rhythm. We make music with our own drums and beats. We are one, in tune with our souls. My hips slowly guide your drumstick against my drum. As you penetrate deeply, the loud horns begin to play. The friction against our chests brings forward the perfect sounds of a hand percussion.

We are drumming to our own beat. Your fingertips glide across my skin as if you're playing your favorite song on a grand piano. As the instruments still play, you decide you want to change the tempo by trying another tune. Without loosing the rhythm, you some how lift and flip the drum. Without hesitation, you stroke my face to help me reach my final falsetto. We are beating and making music on our own drum. Our rhythm of love is becoming unbearable. As we come to the end of our song, we slowly look into each others eyes to savor the moment in time. Savor the music that we wrote and own. This is our music of love.

Written

1/14/09

I AM my Hair!

As a young child I have always had a lot of hair. My mother hated to do my hair because I use to scream for my father and grandmother because I knew they would "save" me from the miserable pain!! Little did I know that I had a lot more years of pain....

I received my first relaxer when I was around the age of five years old. My mom had enough of the natural hair and she couldn't take me screaming at the top of my lungs for help. So she did what all mothers will do, put a chemical in my hair. Now don't get me wrong, a relaxer is probably the best thing invented for those who natural hair is unmanageable but not for my grain of hair!!! My father has some soft, curly hair which don't need much maintenance and well my mom has that thick course hair!!! LOL. That leaves the hybrid (me) to have curly/wavy and thick hair which killed my mother everyday to do.

My first problem with a relaxer when I was around the age of 15(?). I've noticed that my frontal hairline was retreating backwards. I just couldn't believe that my hair was falling out and I was balding around the temples. I cried initially and I was in shocked that this was happening to me. I didn't leave it in too long nor did I do anything extra nor harsh to my hair, sooooooooo why was that happening to me?? Well behold the problem was that years of chemical treatment was tearing up my hair follicles. But that didn't stop me from keep putting in that chemical in my hair. I started putting Sulfur 8 in my hair along with Do Grow products. Needless to say, my hair did grow back and it did quite well.

Throughout college, I was the type of person who always got her hair relaxed every 4-6 weeks like clockwork!!! I wasn't playing when it came to those wavy roots poppin up from the relaxed ends. OH NO SIR!!!! But my hair was still slowly thinning. I did always admire how a girlfriend of mines had her hair done. She started her locking process in 2002(?) and I use to tell her that I was going to loc mines once I finished college. I wasn't quite ready to give up the relaxed hair look for the nappy/kniky routine.

Finally when I reached my graduation day, that was the last time I put a relaxer in my hair, that day was May 21,2005! I told myself that I was dead serious about my hair because it needs to be a reflection of me. No longer do I need to keep that slave mentality that nappy wasn't happy. I was growing spiritually as well as emotionally. I did some research on locs and discovered a tremendous amount of information!! When I started my locking process I was considering my hair "dreads." Little did I know that isn't the correct term to use. (A little history lesson). Dreads are what's considered to the Whites us dreading our hair. In the older days, they believed that us, African Americans hated our hair so we did things to it to conform it to look like theirs. We relaxed it, burned it, twisted it, pulled it, brushed and combed it to make look like we have "good" hair. We all have been victims of tell someone that we have a "good strain of hair. So whites figured that we must dread our hair because of the process that we go through to get it to look straight. Locking is just another process that we do in order to finally just "give up" on our hair. Leading to the term dread bammalocs. Naaaaahhhh I don't dread my hair!

One day after my 23rd birthday, I was in my apartment bathroom looking at my relaxed ends with my overwhelming curly/wavy roots and I was saying to myself I'm ready! I couldn't believe that my hair was so full and beautiful. I was finally ready to leave that relaxed world behind me. The world of relaxers was a thing of the past. Within that past year, I had braids and cornrows to hold down the frizz of my hair growing out of it's relaxed state to being happy nappy. Right there in the bathroom, I cut off all my damn hair! I was left with a little mini bush of hair on top of my head. That was April 2006. I had enough hair to try to put in a small pony tail but something had to be done. I went to the hairdresser that a friend of mine was visiting and she started my locs with two strand twists.

I started my loc journey April 2006 and it's been a tough time I tell ya. At first I was insecure that I cut all my hair off and I looked like a boy. (LOL). So I wore big hooped earrings to hide that fact even though I really didn't look like a boy. After 6 months of locking my hair was becoming unbearable frizzy. It was killing me how all these little strands of hair had a mind of their own!! So I used so many things to keep them down. I did in fact still used products that were good for loc hair and read more about loc maintenance. The hairdresser who initially started my locs didn't know what the heck she was doing!! She put Organic Root Stimulator and gel in my hair which send my hair follicles in a frenzy! I remember coming home from work, running up my apartment steps and diving my head under the kitchen sink to wash out my hair. I saw all the dirt, materials and collection of other things running down the drain as I washed away all that madness. From there on I decided that I was going to do my own hair!

I did in fact maintain my own hair for the first year of my hair. But my father recommended me to this guy he use to work with. The guy did in fact use to have locs but decided to cut them after 16 yrs.!!! His hair reached down all the way above his butt. I remember looking in his portfolio book and see how his beautiful locs flowed and how he manipulated them into whatever style he choose. So I decided to allow him to do my hair. Little did I know that I was setting myself up for failure!!! He did a great job doing different styles and blessing my hair with love every time he did it but he was terrible on pricing and customer relationships. He would come up with different prices every time I would see him, rush me whenever he had another male customer after me (he's gay) and always had "something" to do. He then started doing hair out of his home in DC instead of the shop which was cool for me but then he pulled the last straw for me. He quickly did my hair again when he saw one of his male customers there and then when I asked can I make another hair appointment ahead of time, he told me to "call him and check on it next week." Oh hell nah! Moving ooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnn.....

I resorted to doing my hair at home again! So I did that again for almost 4 months before I was introduced to my current hairdresser. The first day I visited her at the shop, I was hoping that this was it! I was tired of not having someone that was consistent. I needed someone who didn't play games with money, time nor hair. And I must say I'm impressed with her. She is someone who actually have locs, maintain her own and she have numerous amount of clients. I have so many different styles done to my hair and I'm loving it!!! She actually takes her time into perfecting her masterpiece on my head. I've been getting my hair done by her now since March 2007.

During this loc journey I have discovered me. I have discovered that my hair is just some extended follicles, they are a part of me. They are me! My hair is an extension of my soul. I take time and dedication into growing and loving my hair. I still do have people come up to me amazed about how my hair looks because they're so use to seeing how Rasta's loc their hair. One thing that I do agree with the Rasta's is your hair is an extension of your soul. It brings you closer to God the more you grow it. This process have changed me spiritually and emotionally. At one point in time, I was insecure into how my hair will look towards society and my family. My grandmother couldn't stand the fact that I cut off "all my beautiful hair." I told her "Grandma my hair is still beautiful, it's just another form of beauty." Her and different women look at me and try to understand why I gave up the relaxer for nappy happy. I simply smile and remind them that we all didn't come here into the world with relaxers in our hair, a pressing comb on the side nor any products to contine to keep our hair straight.

I'M HAPPY NAPPY!

Drunk

(Tony)
As you laid there snuggled against me, I can't help but to think back before this night. We talked on the phone for hours before I got a chance to look at your face again. You don't understand how many nights I stayed up playing with the thought of you being here next to me. Daily tasks became unmanagable due to the constant thoughts of you touching me. My lust for you is some how becoming unbearable too. Just these thoughts get me so drunk.

My mind wonders, my body quivers and my lips moistens. Now that you're here my eyes are undressing you and I can't help but to stare. My imagination roams free as my fingers rolls over my lips.

You finally slowly press your fingertips on the softness of my back as you kiss me. I become speechless and flushed. As your hands roam free, the drunkness emerges and I can't help but to be yours. With every kiss and touch my mind spin out of control as I fall in the drunkness of your love.

"Online Sluts"

Before I start off, let me stress to you that this isn't anything offensive to hurt any one's feelings. This is truly my personal opinion! Now that that's out the way.....

Since the Internet has been up for the past 20 yrs (?) it has been a serious gateway for communication. I truly believe that this is the greatest invention since slice bread but it also has it's downfalls. A lot of the times people go onto the Internet and connect with people. Whether it's personally,emotionally,spiritually,networking or sexually; we all are enjoying ourselves to whatever extent. But what kills me is those people that purposely go online and find sex! Lawd why??? I know you all heard the sayings "everything that glitters ain't gold," "be careful what you ask for," "don't go searching for nothing because you might end up regretting it." Well all those old "country" sayings were true!!! It's a harsh world out here and you have to be careful. People will cut their pictures and make themselves "look good," cut out vital information about their true status, children, DISEASES! and bad habits.

We all want to look suitable to the eye but come on now, be honest with yourselves and the truth will set you free. Like I said before, I'm a true advocate for safe sex!!!! I'd worked at an STD/GYN clinic for 2.5 yrs and I loved it. I've gained so much knowledge,courage and wisdom working there and I'm truly grateful for that. But also working there has opened my eyes to the deadly game of sex. I've heard plenty of stories how people went online, met this guy/girl and hit it off. Now if you have sex the first night, hey that's how it is, I'm nooooooooooo one to judge but please make sure you wrap it up!! It's too many same stories how people go online meet this person and don't bother using protection!!!

I personally, now that I get older, don't see why people go online and show all their assets, do the most nastiest things and expect people to really respect you??? I've always been the type of girl that was classy but sassy and mysterious. Leave a person wondering what's really going on with you, you might actually enjoy that type of attention. But it's killing my Black women more and more everyday how our self esteem is dropping lower and lower. WE (African-Americans) don't need to express ourselves sexually/physically just to get attention because we already have been exploited over the years from slavery down to your average ho on the street. Love yourself from within and it will clearly show out. Self love is the best love.

I had a friend who I loved dearly but she wasn't on my same path. At that point in time, I was in my senior year of college and I choose to not participate in sexual activities. I wanted to be really focused on my school work and graduate!!! On the other hand, my friend was very promiscuous. She would meet guys off the Internet, wine and dine them, take them to bed and then complain to me she doesn't know why they didn't call her back??? WTF? Chiiiillldd Bye! He's not going to call you because you gave him a full meal, banging sex and a nap cap, he's good. He came, He saw and He conquered. She had the audacity to get mad at me when finally I was getting fed up with her complaining when I suggested to her that maybe she needs to slow down and keep a tight ship for a little while. Her comment to me was "girl please that's the whole purpose of dating, you keep f*cking until you get the right one." WOW! I was actually blown away how this slut puppy showed her true colors. Well my response to her when she continued to tell her story was..."well which guy is this, this week because this is someone new. You keep f*cking with so many guys that I can't keep up!!" Needless to say, her and I aren't friends anymore. She still does the same thing, messing with guys on the Internet, selling herself short. *Deuces*

Now online dating sometimes can be the best thing! I've met some pretty interesting people thanks to the Internet but I choose people wisely. In the past I've taken a lot of bull crap from men and I refuse to be any one's slut puppy just to tickle their fancy!!! I am a woman who deserves respect, love and admiration. Now I know some people might ask, have you every dated anyone off the net, well to answer that yes! They were not someone I was looking for at that point in time. We became friends before lovers. As a matter of fact, I still am friends with one of my ex's. We've been through a lot and I rather him to continue to be my friend then nothing at all to me. We have a bond that's not to be broken. So see the Internet do have a soft, nice side to it. I love meeting new, funny, different people that have respect for themselves and others! But I can't stand a man with no class, who thinks I'll bend over backwards and do whatever he wants because he's cute and he know how to use his mouth piece game??? Naaahhh son..LOL.

Please,please,please be smart! Don't have sex and not use protection. Better yet, get to know the person before you're ready to jump into bed with them. Once you jump into their beds,then you're opening up a can of worms that you might not be able to handle at that point in time. Especially women; we think/react with our emotions and our emotions are tied with our sexual experiences. Have sex with someone you enjoy, appreciate,adore and possibly love. Don't become an "online slut" looking for his/her next fix because in the end ladies and gents, you will find yourself by yourself!

You See Me

(John)
You see through me. You see me just as clear. You see my soul, my heart and my mind. You have no reason for division of space and time.

You see my faults, flaws and scars. You see my insecurities, my ups and my downs. You some how make my day by becoming my personal clown.

You love me. You have swept me off my feet. You have truly accepted me. Me having you life will not be without he.

You caught me. You trapped me. You have pleased my senses. You have been playing with my mind all day. Without you there's nothing much more to say. You have saved me from me. Someone finally see's me.

Written 1/8/09

Smoking in Public

There are so many Americans that put their lips to cancer everyday. It's your right to do or say whatever you want but when you're making me cough while I'm standing waiting to get on the train then you're getting on my damn nerve!!! LOL

I was waiting at the elevator yesterday to get on the train underground. So while waiting, most smokers stand outside on their phones and smoke their cigarettes and wait which is no problem for me. But what kills me is when I'm standing there also ( I have asthma) and you inching closer to me and the smoke is blowing in my face!!! That crap really does get into my skin and soaks down to my soul. How dare you have the right to sneak behind me and attack my private space?? Come on now, not everyone smokes nor want to smell that crap! If you're going to smoke in public please be nice and courteous to others in your area. Why do people get so close that the smoke is blowing in your face like you're smoking with them? People kill me with the second hand smoke madness!! BACK THE HELL UP FROM ME PLEASE!

Can You Really Wear That??

HAPPY NEW YEAR BLOGGERS! I'm really happy to annouce that I'm here to live another year, blessed and in good health! THANK GOD FOR THAT!!

Now since it's a new year, I know a lot of new fashions are coming to the scene. My friend over on Twitter asked a question about who they belive the celebs who have the best clothing line. Some of these celebs line will peak someone's interests and then there's some that will make your mind boggle. Over the years many celebs have came out with their verisons of what they consider "high price fashion." Now if you ask me, I believe not every celeb should put their name on everything that comes out. Somethings should be left either in your closet and saved for another Halloween or for when you're feeling froggy. LOL. I swear it's a new trend for celebs to come out with their clothing lines because they also believe this will be another great way of investing their money and ideas. Well I wanted to take sometime to look over some of the celebs fashion sense.

First off lets take a look see at Phat Farm/Baby Phat. These clothing lines have come a mighty long way. I can remember growing up seeing my older brother looking at the Vibe magazines and admiring the new Phat Farm gear. A lot of people up north loved this line, especially the men around Russell Simmons age. But Russell didn't want to reach out to those his age, he wanted to let the youth see that you can still be fashion and fly. I actually like the Phart Farm collection over the years. Not everything I have agreed with but one thing for sure and two things for certain, he's conquered the fashion/music industry by storm! Now when you have a music/fashion mogul married to a model you're going to get the women's version of Phat Farm; Baby Phat. When I was first introduced to Baby Phat, I actually loved the cute little kitten that was protrayed as being sexy. It was great as a fashion logo and I believe it's pleasing to the eye. What women you know who don't want to be a sexy sex kitten?? LOL. The only thing that I really don't like about Baby Phat is that sometimes logos don't need to be advertised on the product!!! This is a serious pet peeve of mines. I don't want to be walking around and everyone can clearly see what I'm wearing!! They only need to see one sex kitten, not 60,000 of them. LOL. Also not everything need to be hanging off the shoulder or spandex! We need to realize that we need to expand our clothing ideas using other cloths. Other than the overload on advertisments, I can say I'm really impressed with Baby Phat. Kimora has really expanded her money without the help from her ex-husband. I'm an advit user of her perfume line! I seriously do recommend them. Also I appreciate how Kimora has opened her line to PLUS Size Women!!! Thank God! I have a couple of pieces of hers and I'm gratful for that. The price tag on some of the clothing pieces can be a bit much but its resonable. You can pick up either clothing lines at Macy's.

Next clothing line which I enjoy is Sean John. Diddy have such great luck with this side of his many tricks to his trade. At first I was like what in the world is Puffy up to now?? But I must say this tickles my fansy. LOL. I'm overly excited how last summer he got a whole line of nothing but black models to sport his products!! Diddy always trying to do something that is pleasing to his fans and I must say he has received an appluse from me. I love the fact that his clothing line is a little kick, sexy and classic. The men's clothing line is amazing!!! Everytime I see one of his fashion shows he impresses me. I'm surprised that him and his designers are very creative and open minded to what the everyday person is able to wear. Not all the items the everyday John or Jane can wear but he makes his prices fairly reasonable and pleasing. Now if he can get his music career talent like his clothing line, then he will be on the top of his game. I say Sean John gets an A+ in my books for fashion. But I must say his women's line still need some help!! I don't know why he hasn't really did anything for the ladies. The ladies will like to look crisp and dapper with their man. He just need to come up with some other ideas for that and he really would be good!

Moving on...Rocawear. This line was on top of its game back in the early 2000's. I have to give Dam Dash and Hova their props. This line came out and hit everyone with surprise how they gave eveyone a new type of swag. All the sign and unsigned rappers from Rocafella was representing the fashion hitting the streets. They used their albums and friends to spread the word of the new fashion addiction for New Yorkers. If you ask me, I believe it was a great advertisment scheme but you have to be careful who you have advertising your stuff!!! What I appreciated about Rocawear is that they accomdated for both men and women. They weren't too flashy about the logo on the clothes. I did like the fact that they were colorful and not afraid to try something a little different. It was simple, crisp, clean and edgy but it a major catalyst between music and fashion. It helped merge the rappers then that were taking over the music industry with their fans. The fans felt as though they were representing who they listening to and the demand was high for the best that Rocawear had to offer. So thats what they did. Rocawear had all types of models, young and old, differnt cultures and different music artist represeting the line. Rocawear was seen every where, from babies, adults, women's handbags, shoes, coats and furs. The Roc was definetly in the building!!! Eventhough you don't see the line as much, it's still representing.

Now I can go on and on about who I like and some who I believe need to go back to the factory and start all over again but I'll just list the ones who I like.

Apple Bottoms: Good for the big butt women. LOL. Please don't wear if you don't have the shape for them!!!

G-Unit: They took over for a little bit of time and it was very noticable. Every "thug" thought they had a clothing line that finally wasn't that pretty boy ish so they were rocking it. I loved the female line, they made sure their ladies were sexy!! LOL

L.A.M.B: Gwen Stefani stepped on the scence and demanded that attention and respect. Her line was fabolous when it came out and still rocking in the stores like it's brand new. She came up with some new and funky ideas how you can play with the fashion scene. I love the fact that she wasn't afraid to be different and not apologize for it!

For the losers in my opionion of fashion....

J. Lo. I actually like her as an actress but as a fashion designer she needs to stop! I understand there are a lot of women who are hippy and small waist, I'm one of them but not everything need to look like jump suits. They are baggy, no kick or something that screams LOOK AT ME! It just looks like something that I can get from my local $10 fashion store. I like that fact that she trys to include her own sense of fashion but wouldn't catch her wearing everything that she has on her line. Why do these celebs keep putting off these fashion lines with clothes that you don't really see on them?? Which leads me to my next person...

House of Deron'. I'm a hard core Beyonce' fan but her and her mother are lying to me!!! LOL. You don't see Beyonce' or Solonge wearing all those clothes that they are promoting on those websites!!! For years we knew Tina Knowles and her daugher Beyonce' will come out with something since Tina was making their clothes in Destiny Child. But why promote these clothes that are serious overpriced, no ordinary women can wear and what tops it all, they're sold out a lot ot times. Now I know Tina isn't the one who's making each product so come on now!!!....

My last losers are three of my favorite rappers: Andre' 3000, Kanye West and Pharrell Williams. I love their audacity to wear certain things and don't feel sorry or bad about it. But sir's not everyone can wear your clothes!!! Who the hell will walk down the street looking like they just jumped back in time with Benjamin Andre' 3000 then jumped forward and in Startrack with Pharrell?? Oh then you want to look preppy but flashy with Kanye??? People love their fashion's because they dare to be different and they don't bend towards what they believe what society should label black men to be. BUT AGAIN NOT ALL BLACK MEN WILL WEAR THOSE CLOTHES!!! I know a lot of men have said Andre' 3000 is like an alien with a crazy vocab game, Kanye is depressed but his flow is sick and Pharrell is crazy on the producing skills but their clothes are garbage. So my advice is to keep your day jobs fellas. Love ya! *smile*