Video

When I first saw this def poetry video, I cried! I know alot of you probably thinking I'm crazy as hell but I'm dead serious! I felt the same pain and spoke the same words as her. I haven't seen this video in years but it came to my mind to go find it on YouTube so I wanted to share this with you all. This video is dedicated to all those who have loved and lost! Enjoy!

Prayers Unanswered

Have you ever found yourself mad at yourself or even God? Things aren't going your way or you can't seem to find yourself reaching towards the top. We all go through this throughout our lifetime. We don't understand nor want theses trails and obstacles but its what makes up stronger.

Over the past two years I have found myself upset with myself for repeated mistakes and decisions. But what I know I have noticed is that I change the way I make my decisions. I have changed internally! I'm still working on me.

When I'm now unsure, confused, sad, happy or lost I find myself crying out to the Lord. My prayers are my hidden thoughts, fears and words that I NEED to get off my chest. I may not understand what my next step will be but I need that clarity from God. Right now I find myself again upset with myself. Why you may ask?......

I'm tired! I'm tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of focusing my positive energy on negative people. When you send out your energy on people, you're suppose to get what you put forth. Now that's a pretty common sense idea but when you keep meeting selfish people its different. I have realized that I keep meeting selfish/self centered, careless people. I go to God in prayer and ask him for clarity and guidance but it seem like I don't get any help.

Is God nicely punishing me? Is he allowing these things to happen to push me towards my purpose? What do I need to do??? I'm confused into what I need to do, where I should go and what do I need to change? I'm frustrated!!! I'm trying to stay focus and grounded but it seems to me right now that I'm stuck. I'm going in circles. I keep falling and getting back up. Why?....

I'm scared to ask God that;why? Why do I go through what I'm going through now? Why can't I get the opportunities, chances and better options? I know God will deny some things that aren't right for you but when will I receive the chance to have the "real thing." I know I don't ask for much. Believe it or not, I'm a very simple person with complex decisions. But God know the desires of my heart.
Patiently waiting....
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Magnets

"my *crush*"

Two souls from a different world, a different time, a different mind set. Walked different paths to end up at the same crossroads. Facing one another with smiles and compassion.

We're lost in our own thoughts. Stuck in between a 10 year difference but that doesn't stop us. We're drawn to one another uncontrollably. Tensions run high, souls on fire, while minds roam free. I want you......

You want me......

We played. We flirted. We danced. Now it's time to let go of all fears. Let our minds free, explore each others bodies, enjoy each others kiss. We're so far but so close. Our bodies are fighting this feeling but our souls eventually will win........

Magnets push to pull but they also stick together like glue. Based on their electrical charge, it'll either do one of the same. But love is the name of the game. We will move our bodies to the same rhythm. In tune our minds to form into one. Beatting the congos. Magnets pushing to pull......

Pushing to pull, pull to push. In and out. Up and down. Our bodies will move to the rhythm of this electrically charged beat. We're magnets. Postivite and negative. Two poles from different atmospheres. Two souls from a different world, a different time, a different place, laying here occupying the same space.....we're magnets

GodS

I am an unique individual that can be difficult to understand. I am a strong young woman that can handle any man. I am a fool sometimes that can make mistakes. I am a creative woman with a beautiful face. I am someone who is mischievous in a nice way. I am my words, something that you can never say. I am someone who is nothing more and nothing less. I am a GodS!

LEO

I can close my eyes and revisit that moment in time where we bent minutes into seconds and made it ours. We were intertwine into one another. Together we both forgot about our problems, struggles, issues, baggage and insecurities. That night time was on our side.

The way you kiss me leaves lasting impressions in my memory. I can close my eyes and touch you, feel you; I can even taste you. As your tongue manages it's way deep inside my throat, I let go. I let into your caress. Your hands aggressively touches my face as you yearn and fiend for more of my minted lips. You smile at me. I melt.

I want you. I want you badder than the fiend need his next hit. I want to feel you inside of me. Taking all of me inside of you. Touching spots that haven't been touched in years. Kissing places that I've dreamed of. Do whatever you want to me. Tease me, please me. Want me.

Time stopped that night with you. I felt as though I found the man whom I prayed for. The man whom God has promised me. I can close my eyes and hear you whisper in my ear all the nasty things dreamed. I feel you smiling at me. I feel you touching me. Roaming through my jungle woods, enjoying the sounds. You kiss me in my dreams. You haunt my thoughts. You have control of my mind. You're the King to my untamed jungle.

Written 8/27/2009

The Stepchild of Society

I'm only accepted because I can benefit you in a way.

When I'm not needed, I'm pushed to the side and unloved because my skin isn't fair.

I am stepped down upon because of my nappy hair.

I'm talked over because my conversation isn't the center of attention.

I'm silent.

I'm withdrawn.

I'm barely even there.

Misunderstood is my middle name.

I'm a lack of many shames.

I scream louder to be heard.

But no one still hear my pain.

I dress sexier but no one even look my way.

I am unwanted because I don't "fit" within the normal limits.

I'm constantly being disrespected because I'm that "fat friend with a pretty name."

I don't fit.

I don't belong.

I'm an outcast to what they consider a norm.

I am ugly yet pretty in a way.

I am tolerated but not wanted.

I'm never begged or pleaded to stay.

My skin feels foreign to me.

Is this who God really placed me here to be?

I'm silent.

I'm withdrawn.

I'm a stepchild to this society to which we all belong.

I Walk Alone

I stood in the world alone, facing the East skies. Crying silently, hoping the heavens will hear me. Finally facing defeat, I walk alone.

I'm misunderstood and no one understands my pain. I'm lost. I'm alone. I scream and no one hears me. Do I need to scream louder? Do I need to be someone else for people to understand me? Do I need to follow the in crowds for people to recognize me?

I chose a path not much traveled. I chose a life that many will pass on. I chose an attitude that many will not like. I was born alone. Facing a world that's harsh and heartless. No one cares. No one truly understand.

I stand facing the sun. Praying that the sun won't blind me. My tears dried from the heat. My skin is kissed gently, one layer at a time. I yearn for understanding. I long for an equilibrium. I was born alone. I will die alone. So I walk alone.....

Written 8/15/2009