The "Sexy" Smoker

I titled this blog post "sexy smoker" because of a discussion I had with a male coworker of mines. I stated to him and his supervisor at work that I dated a smoker before and preferably not again. After them asking why I explained to them that whenever I kissed that guy I tasted the nicotine! I could have went home and brushed my teeth, woke up the next morning and still taste the cigarette!

My coworker whom I call "Superstar", said Megan Good smokes and he'll date her any day regardless of her bad smoking habit. That's something that I didn't understand. How can you look past that bad habit? Superstar said "because its MEGAN GOOD JAMALE!!!" Yea that's all fine and dandy but you have to look at how she'll look like in 5-10 years.

A lot of people look past this bad habit because its become accepted greatly in our community. I'm not going to lie, I have tried a cigarette when I was in the 7th grade. We all looked up to those "cool kids" growing up and saw that they were doing it, so it must have been ok, right? WRONG!!! From that first puff, I felt my lungs overwhelmed with smoke and I immediately started coughing. Soon after that I also was diagnosed with asthma so I knew my "smoking days" was over!

I was trying to explain to Superstar that even though Megan Good looks nice now, her habits don't! Superstar's supervisor stated that he dated a girl whom had smoked. He didn't mind it in the beginning but then later into the relationship he noticed that if she didn't get that cig, she would be a complete BITCH! I shook my head in agreement. I have family members whom smoked since the rip ages of 11-15 and now well in their 70's. I have noticed if they don't get that cigarette, they have the worse attitude and headache until they get that cigarette.

Have you ever noticed that when the smokers go outside during a break how relived/happy they are once that cigarette is lightened and smoke is inhaled? That's what kills me. That one little cancer stick give you that much joy? Why can't people just get high off life? Enjoy what God has placed here on Earth for them naturally. I never want to be looked at sideways because of a heavy addiction such as smoking. To me, women who smokes disgust me. No offense but how can you claim that to be cute?

Beauty is something that we're blessed with when we're born. Beauty isn't something that is seen physically but also something that is shown in our personality. So how can you kiss/love someone whom loves that addiction more than you? Superstar said he had the affect to ask Megan Good to quit that addiction if he wanted her to. I laughed and gave him and example. What if she got pregnant and she was still smoking? Superstar and his supervisor stated that she wouldn't do that. They believed that a woman would stop because of their motherly instinct will kick in and they would stop.

What a lot of people fall to understand is that a lot of women really don't stop. Their addiction is that strong that they can't find the strength to stop. Even though a child will be a good reason to do so, they can not find the will power to accept that challenge. They didn't believe me. Superstar wanted stats and facts. He wanted me to name some people that I know who didn't stop smoking once they became pregnant. I politely named three people. Now that's only three people I know but there are a lot more women that do smoke while with child.

This whole conversation goes back to my original point, smoking isn't sexy! The nicotine companies make it seem its the coolest thing to do but its really not. Millions of people die everyday people of cancers due to cigarettes. So why decrease your life span? Megan Good won't always look that way. Cigarettes is slowly pulling the life out of her just like any other person who smokes. I'm not picking just on Megan Good, she was just an example that Superstar put forth. But she's a great example of how people would put beauty over their normal standards/expectations. We get wrapped up, relaxed and care free about someone whom we want so bad that we forget what we need.

Now ask yourself if you don't smoke, would date a smoker just because they're everything that you want and more? *think about the consequences*
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When YOU should Let Go of an Ex!!!!!

We all, regardless of sex, have gone down that lonely road of revisiting the thought of an ex boyfriend/girlfriend. For some of us it works out perfect and for others it can be quite a learning experience. Like many bloggers, I want to share my experience and lessons learned from revisiting that terrible road of MISSING AN EX.

So there was this guy that we'll name "Mark." Mark was a high school sweetheart of mines. Someone whom I would have done anything for. I would have "cut a bitch" over him, ride or die, and even layed down and had his kids. (Woooooaaahhh, deep I know! LOL) But the point is, I love that man. I love that man even when everyone wanted him for all that he could offer them. You see he was a start athlete, a man of many jokes, dressed fly as hell and all the girls wanted him. BUT he wanted me! We had this attraction towards one another that no one could break apart. I was taken back how much this man loved me in high school but I loved every minute of it. After high school, I ventured out to college. At my university, it was a "handful" of African Americans because I went to a majority white school. But that didn't stop me from taking trips home to explore the company of other men. Can you believe at one point in time I was boy crazy??? Funny huh?((DISCLAIMER: I WAS FAR FROM A HO!!!)) But that's what most young, attractive girls do when they go off to college. I've met so many different types of men and from each of them they were a lesson learned but I always seemed to run back to Mark.

We always met back on common ground, LOVE. We knew we loved each other but sometimes because of our age and maturity we couldn't really get too serious to express our real feelings. He was getting pretty serious about me my last semester at college. So serious to the point that this man proposed to me. That was a huge shock for me because for one it was in front of my mother and for two he was actually very serious about wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. That to me is a serious commitment and I adored him but I was too young (21) to really take this man serious and I wasn't ready to officially become Mrs. (fill in the blank). Hell at the ripe age of 21, I was just understanding me and learning to really love me and other people but I knew I loved him. We soon broke apart to eventually come back together 2 years later. Again at that time I wasn't really ready to accept his "seriousness" about me because I had too much on my plate. I was really stressing! I had my own apartment, bills out the waaaaa zoo, student loans and working three jobs! How can I really take this man into my life if I'm dealing with a million and one things at that time. Need less to say, we broke apart. But this time it was all my fault. I pushed away a man whom I took for granted. I believed that he was coming back and I had no worries, I'll see him next year. Well hell, little did I know this man wasn't coming back.



The following year, I was hurt! I literally dropped to my knees and prayed to God. I prayed that this man will be allowed to be back into my life because I know out of all the men I've ever been with, loved or wrote about, he actually loved ME. It was some sad, sad days to come after those many prayers. I really did believe that that was my husband, the man of my dreams, my knight in shinning armor. Little did I know. It actually took me three years to find out the truth. Thankfully for the Internet, I found my high school sweetheart. I was ecstatic to see his face again. I nearly cried because I prayed for him for three years and there he was. So looooooong story short, we started talking again. We agreed to take things slow and allow us to get to know the adults that we have become. That was excellent until the "Mr.Hyde " side of him came out. This man was acting really weird to the point I was questioning my prayer for him. He actually became this man whom I've never know before. Mark became this man that loved differently. He wasn't affectionate, delicate, loving or concerned. He actually became a loner, mean, nonchalant, a PLAIN ASSHOLE! He took my love, admiration and compassion as me being pressed for him, smothering him or rushing him into some feelings.



I was a little lost and confused? What happened to this man in between the years that we've been apart? Was it the ex's in between? Was it the last impression he had of me in my youthful days? Or was he really running from commitment? I was crushed; nearly devastated when he told me that I was nagging him!!! WTF how the hell am I doing that if I'm deeply, truly concerned for your loner ass? Now let me get this straight.....I'm not one of those women who'll blow your phone up, leaving messages or pressed to come over your house. I'm a very simple person. I keep to myself until I want to let anyone into my space. If I'm feeling any gentleman I want to enjoy his time, masculinity, and his thoughts. I actually enjoy the everything about that person but I'm far from being pressed for any man so when he said that I immediately fell down into this dark place. I was back at square one of loosing someone whom I thought I loved. Little did I know that the man that I once loved isn't that person anymore. He's not that man that once loved me more than I loved myself. He's some alien, a stranger, a ghost, a pure memory.........



It hurts deeply because I thought I found that knight that came to save me again. That man whom I was ready to change my last name for eventually. The love of my life. ALL WRONG! I prayed and prayed only to be let down but in reality I wasn't. It took me the following week to realize that God brought this man back in my life so I can stop praying for something that doesn't exist anymore. He was once a lover, a dream that shouldn't be renewed. At this point in time I felt like a big dummy that didn't take their own advice, "never go backwards, always press forward."

But don't take my meekness for weakness!

Dating 101

A subject that a lot of people neglect is Dating. A lot of people date, enjoy dating or dread it like the plague. See for me, I'm a lilttle bit of all three. I enjoy getting to know someone; acknowledging and understanding their likes and dislikes. I love all the things that you can possilbily learn about a person over time but then again if they're a phony I HATE IT! I've been out of a relationship now since 2005 and all not by choice. When I do start talking to a guy that I find interesting, they find it strange how I've been out of a relationship for so long. I have to go through this long drawn up conversation about how my last ex "F'ed" me over and men now a days are just plain stupid. Of course them being the men they are, they'll sometimes take the guys' side. Thats respectable but not always right in my book. I have no baggage or hatered towards anyone so all that b-s they say doesn't really phase me. I've been through a lot in those past three years. And I'm still learning as the years progress.

Me personally, I believe you can tell a lot about how a person act and react to situations. You know how people say first impressions are everything, well they're telling the truth! People pay close attention how the opposite sex's behavior and their patterns. This is key when starting to date someone. I wanted to share some of my thoughts and experiences over the years since my last "boyfriend" so guys and girls will have an understanding of what's right and what's plain wrong......

A couple of months ago, I started reading the Steve Harvey's Act like a Lady, Think like a Man book. I found it to be quite interesting. Some of the material I already knew becuase A.) my brothers already taught me or B.) you learn from experience. But some of the key points that really interested me was a man's purpose, don't hold the "cookie" back from your man, support and love your man regardless of income and status, pay attention to titles that he introduce you as, pay attention to details, don't let a man rule you (you're in control) and lastly play the game like them but be a lady at all times. Those are just some key points that caught my eye. It's more details within those subjects but you will just have to read the book to understand the depth of it all. But to me Steve Harvey didn't point out all the details about relationships. I feel as though if he would have teamed up with maybe his wife, he would have had a more equally sexed book. (Thats just my opinion). Like I stated before, there are a lot of experiences and things I've been through or seen that changed my way of thinking tremediously!!!!

In 2005, after my last boyfriend, I found myself in a deep hole that I seem to have fallen in. I was scratching my way out but I really couldn't see the light. I was staying in the house, slowly making myself depressed. Now many of you all might say, "girl he's was just another fish in the sea" but our relationship was sooo much more. I will spare the details of that relationship but I became very depressed. I felt as though I've lost my friend, lover, husband and most importantly a piece of me. A little while later, I moved out to my own apartment. I was really single, sexy, free and on a prowl. I had friends by the many who was willing to go out with me anytime to any club, all while enjoying our early twenties. While in my apartment, I started talking back to my high school sweetheart. I LOVED this man to death! He proposed to me Jan. 2005 but I felt as though he wasnt ready. Now that we were "grown" I felt as though, I should give him another try.

*Lesson # 1*: Never go back, keep going forward because you never know who you could be missing in your future blessings.

I should have known not to mess with this man. He was a constant liar, a theif and a a show off. He always wanted to show me what he could possibily "give me if I needed it." But I was set, I never needed a man for anything. I cared for him deeply but in the long run, I was sadden by one thing........THE SEX! Yes I said it, the sex sucked sooooooooo bad. I could have cried because I dont know what happened from high school till then?????? Sorry but you can't move on in a relationship if he can't enjoy and "last" through the whole moment......

*Lesson #2*: No matter how much the person is "perfect" if you're not satisfied physically or emotionally, leave them alone!!!!

An old ex of mines came back into the picutre a little while after my high school sweetheart. Now this ex has always been a friend of mines so I never had any problems keeping in touch with him. Our chemistry was off the hook! He made me laugh all the time, truly nice when he wanted to be, sexy in a different kind of way and he made me soooo comfortable. But he had serious commintment issues. At that point in time, he was really feeling me BUT he wanted to get his buisness off the ground. I had to fall back and understand, this man has some goals that he need to accomplish before he incorparate into my life. As time goes on, we have problems here and there like any "couple" but once I moved out of my apartment, he changed. He was mean as hell, selfish and inconsiderate. I just couldn't believe how this beautiful man could change like this???

*Lesson #3*: Let people go when they're not treating you right. You deserve much better!!!

He told me how he saw me as being his wife, he wanted us to eventually move in together and raise our family all within the next three years. He told me he wanted to go give him until 2009 and he'll be ready for me and ready to give me all that I wanted and needed. In 2008, I changed my whole attitude! I fell back from clubs, alcohol, men and toxic people. He was one of those 'toxic people" but because of our freindship, I told him we could still be friends but he had the audactiy to tell me in October 2008, that if we can't talk or have sex then he has nothiing much to talk to me about *WOW* Now that was crazy to me!!! How can he do this me? So I polietly told him don't ever call me no more and hung up on him. What's so funny, he's been blowing my phone up since then but what's really funny, he called me just as recenlty as last week to tell me he has a baby on the way. That news took me back. How can you run from a commintment of a girlfriend but fall for a commintment of a baby?? Now how can that make any sense???

*Lesson # 4*: If a person give you too many excuses for a relationship, they don't want it. Don't incorparate anyone into your life emotionally or sexually until you're actually ready for the consequences.

*Lesson #5*: Always follow your gut feeling because it's your sixth sense telling you to go the oppisite way

*Lesson # 6*: Whenever having sex, make sure you're using a condom or some type of birth control. A lot of people are having a baby due to the moment of forgetfullness.

*Lesson #7*: Women are emotional creatures so whenever you say you're "doing you" we take that as you're beening an ass at the time and you're eventually come around to the thought of a relationship with us. Dont get mad at us when we expect or give an ultimatium of a relationship with you. When you have sex with us, we allow you to come into us and take a piece of us along with you. WE CHOSE YOU AS OUR MATE! We incorpate our feelings with sex so we we're assuming that you're feeling us that much to have sex with us. You see it as SEX, we see it as a FUTRUE. Think about it!

This is just two examples of the madness that I've been through but I have more and more stories to tell about liars, cheats, *criminals* and commintment phobes. But from my previous blogs yall can see that I seem to only attrack the freaks and plain rude men. I dont know what it is about me but I believe this is just my test and time in my life where I have to wait it out until the Lord bless me with the near perfect man of my dreams. So I'll wait and count my blessings until then. **PATIENTLY WAITING**

Practicing Patience

You may look at me and see me as a normal person without hardly any flaws. Life is in some kind of order. Mind is focus and maintained. Beyond all that I'm very much flawed, insane, actually screaming in silence.
What you fail to understand is in fact I'm a normal woman but I don't have "normal" problems. Everyone is different, everyone have their own issues and daily headaches. But for me right now, I have too many obstacles. The Lord has blessed me with numerous blessings but at the same time, the devil is just as busy trying to destroy my soul. He wants me to give up; to simply give in. There is a spiritual war going inside both you and I. It all comes down to who's side you're going to take.

For the past two years, I have been making a visual board of the things I want to accomplish, things I want do, and places I want to go. But this year I decided I needed to take that down, I need to start from scratch, I need new ideas along with my new attitude. I need to actually do these things I want to accomplish by just doing them. Everyone have short and long term goals but for me, my goals make me who I am. They help me mature, gain knowledge and want more out of life. My goals are what makes me drive my ambitious attitude to the max!

I am a true believer your success is determined by how many obstacles you've surpassed. And let's just say I have my share of obstacles. I'm still til this day am working on my past obstacles that I need to work on daily. I am like every woman that have "baggage" from previous experiences. But unlike most, I don't hold my "baggage" towards new and exciting experiences. I am a work in progress! Like I said two years ago I had that accomplishment wall and I have crossed off quite a few goals. But one of the things that I couldn't visually put up on the wall was a prayer.

I asked God to teach me patience. Little did I know what they meant when people warned me, "Be careful what you pray for." I just believed if you go to God with a burden, he'll see fit in his time to bless you and take that burden within himself. But I soon and later discovered God had plans for me. I was living my life financially carelessly, my relationships was nonchalantly put to the side, partying was overwhelming and not having a care in the world because I felt as though I had time. I had plenty enough time because I'm single, sexy and free! But God had plans for me.

God saw the way I carried myself, relationships, money and attitude. I guess he decided he needed to humble me, make me grateful and appreciative. God took away my pride, money, men, dreams, hope and some freedom. He humbled me. Now when I say he took away those things from me, I mean he gave quickly and took just as quickly. I thought my shit didn't stink and I could live my life the way I wanted. He broke me down to build me up. He provided new blessings. He made me open my eyes more to different people, places and things. He gave me the will to be stronger. He made me the woman I am today.

When I think about what God has done for me, I cry. I cry tears of happiness, not pain. I could have taken a different route and ended somewhere else. I never followed, always lead and because of that, I lead myself to greatness. I was so far at the bottom, I thought I'll never see the top. I cried, stressed, worried, cried, got depressed, had low self esteem all while incorporating more and more people and problems into my life. I never gave myself time to heal. I would physically feel myself getting sicker because of the stress and lack of's. I couldn't see the top.

I had to mentally and emotionally build myself up to the person I am today. Now when people look at me, they can see that I'm beautiful, I'm special. A lot of men can say they've never met a woman like me. When I tell people that I'm not that average chick, I mean it! I am that phenomenal woman that Maya Angelou was talking about. I been through and seen so much in such a little amount of time. I'm still learning everyday. But one thing for sure and two things for certain, I am blessed and truly grateful. I'm happy but not completely. There are still some things that I'm waiting on the Lord to bless me with.

I am flawed but that's what makes me perfect. People see me for me now. Not as someone whom they can read. I'm mysterious, quiet and challenging. I have an aura about myself that demands respect. I am a Queen in my own mind. A goddess past her prime. I am a biologist, a poet, a writer, a lover, a leader and an activist. But most importantly, I am God's child! Perfectly imperfect! Hello world, my name is Jamale.

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Why I DON'T Want to Raise my Children in the Nation's Capitol

I've come to the conclusion over the past six months, that my mind is maturing faster than my body. Seriously, that may sound a little arrogant but I swear to you it's the truth. I've been raised amongst a generation who believed in respect, love and admiration. They loved one another, their family, friends, job and life but now a days things aren't the same.

My parents are true Washingtonians along with my brothers and I. My parents were born in the late 50's but they are true 70's offsprings. They told/tell me stories all the time how they could sit outside on the stoop with their neighborhood peers and just talk, go to clubs and actually have a good time with being in fear of their lives, and how they had friends who happen to fall in love with the drug game, regardless if they were selling or using end up died, still struggling or in jail. I've learned from their stories and their music. I enjoyed my Saturdays waking up early (sometimes) and cleaning the house with some old Phyllis Hyman, Bloodstone, The Moments, Blue Magic, Whitney Houston, The Whispers, etc. just to name a few. Their music intregied me. I'm a person with a fine tuned ear for a good beat and excellent lyrics and thats what they had it back then. They love and they loved hard. They didn't disrespect themselves or their lovers for a dollor sign. Based on my parents upbringings they molded me to be the person I am today. Yes, I did do some rebellion and smart tounges were thrown here and there but I always have respected the struggle my parents came from. Based on those morals and rules I abdied, I learned that life isn't easy and you will have more down's than up's.

Everyday when I get on the train headed back home. My peace, my santuary, my world away from the world, I have to go through hell just to get there. I find myself everyday shaking my head at some teenage girl popping her mouth, loudly at some girl that ran her mouth wrongly to her. Some little boys smoking cigarettes when they don't even have a lick of hair on their face yet. Another black young boy "speaking his mind" with curse words that pierce my soul everytime I walk past them. Speak your mind with out curse words young sirs. Fore if all you can speak with is with curse words, then you really don't have much to say. I tell myself all the time that I'm glad that I'm not in school anymore. It actually does hurt me deep inside to see my youth, my peers, my culture is slowly going down the stony road to ignorance. I know when I was in school (8 yrs. ago) we had more respect for our elders and for one another. We wouldn't dare speak curse words to or around any elder, for that a cause for you to get your mouth slipt by one of their children. When we fought one another, we didn't jump into other people fights, we let them fight fairly. No guns, knives, razor blades or any other weapons. Once we saw it was getting out of control, we had to stop it. But NOT anymore!

Our youth is not being taught by our familes and commuity but by the streets. The streets have always been there but since the 80's and early 90's the streets had mentors, programs and the community to come in to help raise our children. Hence, I was a product of those times. I'm a true 80's baby and proud of it. My community and elders also helped raised me. Whenever I said or did something that was inappropriate, my parents was immediately told. They hardly had any problems with me becasue I never followed crowds but I did go through a phase where I hung around the "in crowd." Thank God I realized that I didn't feel comfortable around that particular crowd because if I was the one to follow it, maybe I would have been one of those kids that I'm blogging about now. Funny.......

The children today are more focused on cars, clothes and the opposite/same sex. They're always trying to live in life in the fast lane, wear the flyiest clothes, feel welcomed so they'll try something new sexually. Word of advice, it's not cute to keep up with fashion, thats why this economy is so F'ed up now. We're so busy trying to keep up with other contries that we can't even pay our debts to other countries, feed our poor, get the homeless off the street and most importantly give every US citizen free health insurance. Like Malcolm X father told his mother, "Credit is the first step into debt and back into slavery." People didn't see it as that until the numbers fell last year. You are now a slave to your own debt. Stop letting money control you and you control money! How do you think the rich get rich and stay rich? Think about. Cars are a good thing but not when you treat your car better than your family or friends. I know someone who washes, cleans, get check up's on their car more than they do for their own health. Ask yourself this once the car is gone, who/what do you have now? Nobody but Jesus...LOL. Lastly, the fade of trying another sexual lifestyle is your business BUT remember it's your true prefence. Don't try it just because your friends are doing it. This isn't a game to be played. The LTGB lifestyle is a lifestyle that they didn't choose. They are who they are. They don't have to go out and flaunt what they already know. If you are the person that God has put forth among this Earth, than be who he made you to be. Don't follow crowds, be a square and don't fit into cirlces. You end up dying inside.....

I simply don't want to children to be raised around such ingorance. I don't want them to experience the harshness of the blind. I want my children to have the oppurtunity to life well beyond their peers in their ambitions. I want them to of course have a life better than what I lived. I have the choice in my hand how to raise my children properly because I wasn't a product of being raised by a child. My parents were adults when they had me. They taught me right and wrong ways of doing things, speak your mind and love your family more but secondly under God. I appreciate the time that I have spent here being a Washingtonian but I want my children to have a better outlook on life. I know I will be stern, non judgemental and loving to them. I don't want them to ever have to want to be like the most "prettiest" girl in school or the flyiest guy in his class. I will teach them how to love and respect, enjoy life to the fullest and love God above all things. I want my kids to become the next Langston Hughes, W.E.B Dubois, Marian Anderson, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr. and now Barack Obama. I want my children to be leaders in their own class! Lead one, teach one. Heal one, help one. Make their mama proud!

What happened to the historic Nation's Capitol?

Does it really say F*ck me on my Forehead???

So today while catching the Metro home I happen to run across this nice, fine, light skin black man that I thought made my day but before I tell you this story of mines, let me explain my day. Today was filled with plenty of laughs, walking and boredom. At work sometimes I feel like I'm not being challenged and I need a new scence. But today was a good day! I was chatting with my coworker about her recent birthday gift to Match.com that I gave her. I was telling her how our old coworker was asking me why I don't open up a Match.com member page myself since I don't have a man also? Well to answer that truthfully, I always seem to meet the nastiest, unbelieveable men so why bother. Plus I'm leaving my "husband search" up to God. So with all that being said, the Metro is the last place I would think to come across a cutie.

While transfering trains, I was doozing off to daydream land when this guy stood next to me and asked me am I interested in buy some Betty Boo material. While trying to put my IPod on pause, he asked me again. I polietly told him that I wasn't interested. He was like "ok cool, what about socks? I have all types with Bett Boo on them." So I again proceeded to tell him no thanks. Then he say to me "you cute as hell, do you have a boyfriend?" I smile and say well no. Then the conversation goes like this:

Guy: Oh well since you don't have a boyfriend, do you mind if I could call you sometime?

Me: Oh nah, sure.

He then pulls out his phone *thinks* and say: Do you have a pen?

Me: Nah

I look at him a little puzzled like why don't you just put my number in your phone? Plus should I really give this guy my number since he is selling Betty Boo bags in the Metro? But I said hell I know of some people that have full time jobs, they just sell things to get a little extra money plus my younger brother tells me that I'm too harsh on men because I've been hurt in the past. So needless to say I have a "little" chip on my shoulder aka I don't tolerate NO shit!!!! But I said let me be nice. Moving on...so I pull out my planner and tell him oh I do have a pen and for him to write down his number.

Guy: oh go ahead and write down your number.

Me: oh my bad ok

Guy: so what are you doing tonight?

Me: Go home and sleep, I'm a little tired

While I'm writing my number down, he's telling me how cute and sexy I am to him. All while he's licking his lips....

Guy: oh so you just got off work huh? Awww we should go to the movies or something tonite?

Me: Nah not tonite, I'm going home. Maybe this weekend?

I passed him my paper with my number on it and tell him the proper way to say my name........

Guy: Oh damn *shakes his head* I'll be working this weekend......

This is when I look down at his bag and wonder if he's talking about selling those damn bags and then I look up and smile back at him

Me:Oh well call me and maybe we can work something out

Guy: Yea weekends I work and I also have a girlfriend so we would have to go out during the week, ya know?......

*STOP THE TRACK* This is when I look at him with my face wrinkled and eyebrows arced up, staring at him like he lost his damn mind!!!!!!!!

Guy: Yea so we will have to see what we can work out

I'm still in shock like damn this nigga really just asked me for my number and a date but he clearly has a girlfriend???? THE AUDACITY OF THIS MAN!!!!!!!!

Me:ummmmmm yea ok *confused face*

Guy: Ok I'll call you sexy

Me: Yea ok *rolls eyes*

By this time I'm in so much shock I couldn't even tell him to give me the paper back and forget that conversation that we just had. As I could do is stand there and stare off into space and question myself; DOES IT REALLY SAY COME F*CK ME BECAUSE I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM TO THE POINT I'LL ALLOW ANYTHING, ANY MAN GIVES ME. Well let me answer that HELLS TO THE MUTHPHUCKIN NAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Sorry for the cursing but these are my exact thoughts). When my train finally came, I stood in the doorway waiting for the door closed and watched my stupidity stare me back into my face while I looked into the door windows of the subway car. The whole ride home I was like damn did that really just happen?? I don't understand somethings? How do you think it's ok to get another girl number when you clearly have a girlfriend? Plus you probably have a numerous amount of kids! Plus do you think that because you're cute that I'll bend to be and stay that boo boo the fool???? Again hell to the nah! I have too much self esteem and pride for that bullsh!t.

This is a prime example of why I'm so selective of who I talk to. My brother can say I'm acting like a b!tch or too manly but damn that! One thing for sure and two things for certain, I will not fall for anything! When I have that first conversation with a guy, I always ask him five questions. They are as follows:

1. Living situation

2.Occupation (better be legal)

3. Kids (if so how many and how many baby mothers)

4. Dreams and aspirations

5. Have you slept with a man or plan to sleep with a man? ( I don't play that sh!t......NEXT!)

I can see now I'm going to have to add 2 more....:

6. Do you have a car? ( We both can be taking Metro sir)

7. Do you have a girlfriend??????????????

WTF????????

This is a damn shame that I have to be a mini detective to get a decent man now a days. Lord why do you keep bringing these nasty, freaked out, inconsiderate, rude, arroganat men in my life? I'm tired of seeing the male gential through text, email or in person! ( Nice to look at but not all the damn time!!!!!) I'm not some female that dream and is constantly in NEED of some d!ck! So please save your size and pleasure principle for the next freak. That's not what I'm looking for. I don't understand it. Does it really say F*ck me on my forehead??

BTW: I will not be taking that guy's phone call!

*Hugs*

Hug: to clasp tightly in the arms, especially with affection; embrace.

Hugs are something so simple but meaningful. I'm pretty sure a lot of people take advantage and really don't care about hugs but when you further your thinking, you will see it's quite amazing! Hugs are ocassionally something that people do to say a friendly hello, nice meeting you, I miss you or nice seeing you again. But a hug can also mean other things such as damn I'm really attracted to you, this will be my only way to get closer to this person, I don't want to ever let you go or I miss the feeling of you/smell of you. Hugs are universal!

To me, hugs are what the defintion is, to clasp tightly in the arms, especially affection; embrace. When I hug someone I want them to know that I care for them, love them and truly want them to feel my love pour out my soul into theirs. For a long time my ex-boyfriend use to tell me when I kissed and huged him he could tell that I actually did love him by the way I kissed him so softly and deeply and huged him with such passion. I didn't understand what he was saying, I just thought he was trippin because he was in love but now I get it. I realized what he was talking about when I started hugging other people. I would get the fake "grandma" hugs with the pats on the back, that crap right there got me heated! If you have deep feelings, respect or admiration for that person you would take them into an embrace and show them how you feel. Don't hug a person like you don't want to be bothered or you just trying to tickle their fancy.

My best friend hugged me last week and gave me one of the worst hugs and I told him to get off me. I immediately pushed him away and told him if he's not going to hug me right then don't touch me at all! Yes people I was in my feelings! Right afterwards he did make it up to me by giving me a great "see you later" hug while we departed to our seperate residences. A hug can make a simple day great, a bad day amazily sweet and a shy person open up. It's the quick pick me upper that can settle any negative feelings if applied correctly. Sometimes when hugging it doesn't hurt to whisper in that person's ear and tell them how you really feel. Love them, take in that moment for it's a sec in time where you will implant that memory in your subconscience.

My point being is embrace with love and affection or don't hug at all!

Is Bill Cosby Right???

A little over a year ago, Bill Cosby came out with a vengeance to the black community. He was sick and tired, tired of being sick and tired with his own race and I don't blame him! Over the past 20 years, our race (African American/Blacks) has changed tremulously. We can not keep blaming the "white man" for all our problems is his philosophy. We as a culture have to stand up and take responsibility for what we're doing wrong.

Take for example, there is an alarming rise of HIV/AIDS rates, premarital sex and single parenting in the Black community. You don't find it uncommon to have a young, teenage mother walking alone with two or three kids with all different Daddies! I'm going to say this, I don't agree with everything that Bill Cosby is saying. He can be kind of harsh and rude but at least he's someone who's bringing light to this underlying issue! I find it unbelievable how I can go on a website such at "YOU KNOW YOU'RE DEAD AZZ WRONG" and see our black women everyday exploiting themselves for money and attention. This isn't the first website like this but the most amusing one for me right now.(Hey DurtyMo!) LOL. In a lot of these pictures you can see on any given day, how these women flaunt every nook and cranny of their body for someone to take a picture of them. They will do the most unusual sex positions or things to "please" their mates with their children in the background. *blank stare* How dare they corrupt the youth?! These young babies are growing up mimicking everything that they see their parents are doing to the cameras. What makes it so bad, they even show their daughters how to "pop that coochie on a head stand" like they do at work!!! Again Black people we have to do better!

In a way, I believe our Black culture are slowly hating themselves and they don't see the damage that they're producing. Some blogs ago, I blogged about how I'm happy being nappy. A lot of women have told me that I'm crazy for locking such "beautiful" hair and they will never let go of that lye relaxer. Let me repeat myself, nappy is not for everyone. But when you start putting weaves in your hair down to your butt and claiming that's all yours because you paid for it, now that's a damn shame! Why can't you be happy with what God has given you? Have you noticed how a lot of the white women plump their lips fuller to get those Black lips? Or better yet, everyone is getting a butt lift! You have so many young women who look up to you and want to be just like you. I can remember how I wanted my hair to grow just like Aaliayh. I adore and cherished her for being so real and the typical around the way girl. I would slick my hair down and part it just like hers. I wanted my hair to hang long and proud just like hers. I was so shocked when I was in high school that Aaliyah's hair wasn't relaxed, it was natural! Her stylist would just hood dry with a wrap, flat iron and curl. Her hair was so use to it,that finally it just layed there perfectly always. I admired her "natural" beauty but I didn't understand my "natural" beauty just yet.

It took me years to accept myself for what I am now. I am perfect in God's eyes. So what I don't have that big donkey Kong butt, melon breasts, super curvy hips, long hair and cat like eyes! I am a brown skin, nappy headed, educated, nerdy, beautiful BBW! I flaunt whatever I have but in a classy way. I'm a woman at ALL times! I can only change so much of my physical weight but I will always be "PoeticMind" no matter what. I never followed crowds and still don't. But I find a lot of my female friends/acquaintances want to be the next "it" girl or the life of the party. We find this daily in our gossip pages. The girl that does everything when she's drunk. *SMH* These girls (not women!) make me sick and embarrassed. I see how a lot of cultures/religions sometimes look down upon us. I was once that young lady who was dwelling down that spiny road but luckily I found myself before it was too late. Too late to unclaim that baby daddy, lost of education, working dead end jobs, going to the club every weekend while my parents watch my child/children, and living in the fast lane. Steady flirting with every guy that I meet and hoping that he makes me his next "wifey." LOL. This crap is getting old ladies!

Gentlemen (using the term lightly) you're just as wrong as the last foul woman. How can you keep having sex with all these different women from the clubs, hoping that you remembered to put on a condom the night before. Trying to holler at every PYT (pretty young thang) that walks past your sight while you're holding your little son or daughter. Your sons treat women just like his father does and the daughter will learn her first relationship based on love from her Daddy. You have to remember even though you didn't request to have a child, they're God's gift for you to take care of, STOP DENYING YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! No child asks to be born and be denied. Rejection hurts. Bill Cosby has never had to endure any of these thing but he see it everyday just like any culture. Why are so many attacking him and telling him to shut up and sit down? He actually has a point! Our elderly grandparents tell us all the time how to respect one another, especially the elderly, love thy neighbor, stick up for one another, love your spouse like you love God and most importantly be a man/woman and take care of your responsibilities.

We have to teach our children that what we're doing now isn't right. Our children are our future. Without them, our practices, ideas, cultures, routines, religion, customs, etc. will not continue. They are the ones who have to carry the torch once we're gone. I feel sorry for my children when I finally have some. I want to teach them the right and wrong ways of doing/saying things. I want them to study mannerisms, attitudes, faces, reactions and their surroundings. I want them to be better than what I am. I want them to love themselves, flaws and all and let the world fall in love with them. Not some man/woman who told them how cute/sexy/fine/beautiful they are. I want people to see my children for what they really are, God's gifts to this world. We have to teach and raise our children better than what our parents did for us. Protect them, for they are our future.

So do you believe Bill Cosby is right, Has Black Middle Class lost their minds?? Comment

Mental Stimualation

Hello Bloggers!

I know I talk about relationships a lot because I've been in many myself and I can smell bullsh!t from miles away now. LOL. But I came across this paragraph in this book I'm reading now called Pleasure by Eric Jerome Dickey which sparked my interest. It states, "Physical attraction was about aesthetics, not sexual performance, not mental stimulation. Without mental connection, a remarkable sexual performance yielded no lifelong guarantees. It was only lust. And lust was not love." I LOVE THAT STATEMENT!!

When I first read that I was moved by it's words. How can a man that's writing about how a woman is finding it hard to get stimulated know what the hell I'm going threw now??? That's my problem that I find with a lot of the men I know now. Lack of mental stimulation!!! I love men, far and wide but where the heck is the conversations that follows? When I first opened up this blog, my first blog session was about how men chase after what's "not good for them." A lot of our men don't realize that sometimes, they're chasing a lost dream of hope. You can hope and wish to get that girl that you want but if you don't have the mental stimulation that comes a long with the nice cars, fancy clothes and money what are you really getting. There are some women now a days that only want the material things but what about the women who really want love?

I would love to meet someone who can not only satisfy in other ways but make me hang on your every word by mentally stimulating me. A conversation that can last for hours without getting boring, not having to take things from the back of your mind to continue a short convo, or having that pause in the convo that seems to be annoying. The problem I believe is that a lot of people got lazy into wanting to know a person for who they truly are. I've been victim to saying, "I hate getting to know someone all over again because it's a long process." You can't go back to your ex just because that person is a safe zone!!!! They're your ex for a reason..duh!!! LOL. Don't be scared to jump out there and challenge yourself. Talk to people you wouldn't normally talk to.

I get to speak to different people almost everyday about their past experiences. I currently work for a company that helps the mentally ill. So I work with schizophrenics, severely depressed and bipolar population. It amazes me how I find my sanity in their complexed minds. A lot of people will disregard what these people will say because they have mental problems or previous substance abuse problems but you have to understand they have been threw whatever and back. They recognize their problem and they know they need help, hence that's why they come to my company. I find myself wrapped into their conversations about family, friends, drugs, relationships, politics, etc and I'm truly intrigued by the mental satisfaction that I find. Why the heck can't that be an every day "Joe" on the street that try to talk to me??? Why, is because they only see physical and don't see potential. I'm always the "cool, down to Earth, around the way girl" but never the potential. Now I'm not mad or bitter because now I have the power of choice!

The power of choice is an overwhelming feeling that you can't seem to control once your recognize it's gift. You have to remember that you choose who you want in your life, who you want to talk to, who you want to have sex with, who you want to spend your extra time with. Just like when you choose to be in a relationship with, you can choose to do whatever you want with that person. My patient told me the other day, a lot of times men are wrong when they believe that they chose that women who they gave their number or talk to but actually it's the women's choice to call you back or even be bothered with you. It's all about conversation! If you can't stimulate that women within the first 5 mins of the convo then you're killing time. A woman wants excitement, action and deliverance. We don't want a man that's only good for one thing (unless that's all she wants). Take for example, I know this guy who's been liking me for years and I completely passed him by for other people in my past. He confronted me earlier this year and was straight up about how I neglected him for a long time. All he wanted was a chance to prove himself to be my man. So I decided (choice) to give him a chance. We have all the lines of communication open but he bores me. He can IM me, text, call or hang out but he chooses not to. When I do see him, he has nothing much to say, I'm the one who's pulling teeth to get him to start talking more. This is probably a really good man (for someone else) but I NEED to be satisfied mentally!

You can not skip to just sex without mental stimulation. That's why a lot of people cheat. It's no communication or they're bored. Find other ways to produce a healthy relationship if you find yourself boring. You can always take your lady to places she dreamed of or never been. You will find it amazing to see that that can spark a perfectly mental stimulating conversation. Step out of your norm and have fun for once dammit!!! A relationship isn't always about you and your sexual ego that needs to be stroke often, this point goes to both male and female. Ask questions, peek your own interests as well as theirs and tell them what you're really thinking. You never do know what people is really hiding underneath all that skin. LOL.

When I post my poetry, please don't assume that I had sexual relationships will all those men. NO I didn't! I have quite the imagination that has a pretty dark hole. I dream and when I dream, I dream big. I can close my eyes and vision. I can smell and feel. I can hear what I want them to say. So it's just my imagination running wild. I have met all types of men from all walks for life but the ones whom I encountered and wrote about has peeked my interests but they seemed to be all the same. NO mental stimulation. I have only really been "in love" but twice. I have lusted over numerous people (LOL) but never loved. When I love, I love hard and strong. I want my feelings to felt in every kiss that I give that person. I have only had that opportunity once in my life so far. I have only really been mentally stimulated once also by that same person......

So my plee for you is to give thought to what you say and mean it. Don't try to see what someone is like in bed, see how they react to situations. Can that person manage their checkbook, can they have fun and be themselves around kids, can they be spontaneous, can they be adventurous, can they shimmy your fancy like B. Scott say?? Can you all both mentally stimulate one another?

My Pursuit of "Happyness"

So I don't understand how these supervisors believe that they have some power over you. People get respect when you give respect, don't ever forget that! Once you start living for money and making money, then money will control. A lot of people don't realize that they live their lives for that statement. I personally want to live comfortably so I don't have to worry but that seems like it's not working right now. I'm trying no to stress about these piling bills but they are slowing drowning me. BUT I will not let that stop me from dreaming.



Now back to this supervisor. I truly believe she thinks she has some power over me. I would greatly upset to loose my job but it's just that, my job. This isn't my career. This isn't what I ultimately want to do. I want to be the person to be my own boss. I want to strive towards a goal of owning my own business. So my supervisor don't have no hold over me. I live to enjoy life, I don't live to work. Therefore, that gives her this misconception of me having to worry.



I'm reading this book now called Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I highly recommend you to read it. This book was recommended to me by my coworker. She was telling me how someone told her to read it and now she's passing the wisdom. Now when I say that this book is a life changing book, I mean it! You will change you whole perspective about money, your decisions and your future. Some of the things that was spoken about, I do practice now but it's a great book to learn from. I take notes and plan to live by them. Within the book, it speaks how you can change your thinking and decision making about your finances, investments and how to start your own business. I would simply say, if you want to stablize your financial future then this is the book for you. As a result of the book, it has motivated me to change my decision making, be wiser about my money and be more patient. But most importantly, it made me realize that I'm living right now to work, pay bills and try to have fun with my "left over money" but in the long run I'm actually hurting myself. I don't need to live to work at some job that is only temporary. I got that job based on my experiences but I can start my own business based on my experiences and knowledge.



So I'm not living in fear anymore of being someones puppet, waiting for that person to cut my strings or better yet, me having the courage to reach up and cut my own strings. I'm striving for a better future. A future that will not only benefit me but it will benefit my kids and their kids. I want to leave a legacy. I want people to say she survived when at that time America was doing terrible. I want to live in a boat above water, not try to keep my head above water. So with that being said I'm in pursuit of my own "happyness."

Are you suffering from....???

Like, Dislike. Love, Envy. Happiness, Anger. Carefree, Worrisome.

This is the type of people I deal with all the time. I find myself constantly attracted to some serious butt holes. NOT just men but women too. Mostly the men are a killer though. Being a woman, I'm sure another woman will agree when I say that most women know we're always comparing ourselves to another woman. So we have to put that person down to make ourselves look and feel better. Men, now yall are a different story. Some men are very straight to the point. They know what and who they want. Then you have those that like to sugar coat feelings, ideas and emotions. You can not hide the truth! Let me give you some words of advice, tell the truth! Regardless, of what sex, race or religion, the truth is respect is accepted more than lies. Be a real person and tell your true feelings. A woman like me get frustrated, accept what's given and move on to new and bigger ideas.

I have a friend who likes me a lot. For all these years, we played with the thought of a relationship. But I seem to stop it before it starts. Now some people will say that I'm just scared and I'll say that I need a more firm man. I love men who say what they mean and mean what they say. Please don't throw hints to me because I will misinterpret it as something else. I don't play when it comes down to serious business and relationships. My friendships are just as important to me as well. So if there's a problem or an emotion that need to be expressed, well dammit say something!!!! I don't read minds nor do I do magic tricks. I will not turn back the hands of time or hold back. So if you don't like what I say then sorry stop talking to me because God made me like this!!! GET OVER IT!

I am a woman of pride and anger. They constantly bump heads but I know when to separate them. I speak my mind on this blog because it's my place of piece when I'm constantly thinking and venting. I blog because I believe my opinion is just as important as the next. I blog because I have a little voice that don't get heard. For a long time, I was screaming in silence. Letting my thoughts and emotions overwhelm my mind. Now that I have a "piece of mind," I'm not going to change it! I write how I feel, I say what I want and I write about who I want! I write about love and being lost in love. I write about my imagination running wild, things that make me angry and things/people that make me happy. I love being in love and all the things that are involved with being in love. But most importantly, I write about my true deep, dark emotions. If I like/love someone well that's what it is. If I fell in love with someone well that's what that is too. But when I speak of the past, well then let the past be the past! I am human!

Common Questions...

My youngest brother asked me why in the world do I have a blog page? He was like those people who have a blog page are those who stay in the house and have nothing to do. Well to correct him (after I was laughing), I'm a quite busy young lady! The reason for this blog is to express myself. Not just my poems but also my thoughts that I sometimes express with my friends, coworkers or even some of my patients. This blog is a common blog but unique in a unusual way. You would say how is this page unique? Well look at what I talk about and how I feel. Now my subjects are very common but my ideas and points are unique. I do, do a lot of thinking. Hence "The Thinker" that I have on my blog. I don't quite look like that when I think (LOL) but I do have some deep thoughts. I do have some deep concerns about my life and the world that surrounds me. Take for example have you ever wanted someone so bad that it kills you to be their friend?? Now I know a lot of people can relate to what I'm saying because they have been there before or still there.

I've been in this situation recently where I think this guy is cute. I mean cute to the point I was like umm I need to speak to him everyday!! At first, I was like I'm going to play it cool and not be pressed about him but when I finally got to know him and see how sweet he really was, that made me want to know this man more!!! Now some people would be bold and just come out and say you should have talked to him and flirt a little more. See what a lot of people fail to understand that I'm shy and I don't do bold moves without me knowing how that person really feel. You can't make an a$$ out of yourself when you're trying to flirt (not a good look)! Needless to say, I didn't get to know that man and take it to the next level but I was beating myself up everyday knowing that I had something to tell him but I couldn't. We're really good friends now and I appreciate our friendship. I soon came to discovered that he was in a long term relationship that hurt him pretty bad and he don't want a girlfriend right now. Now I'm not selfish (even though a part of me was) but you have to respect that decision. I asked him why and he stated that he wanted to get himself together financially and emotionally. You have to respect a man who knows what he wants and of course I did. But the thought came across my mind when I saw him today..."damn he's so cute, funny,smart, ambitious, cute(I know I already said it LOL) but he's the type of guy I would love to date but he just want a friend and I'm going to be that friend for him. Now some women can't deal with the fact that he's not into the relationship thing right now but I'm just happy that he's my friend. When I see him everyday in the afternoon and he smiles and say "What's Up?", I can't help but smile back and feel special. I'm his special friend....

Have you ever asked yourself these questions?:
Why is he with her? Why can't I find the nerve to speak to that person? Why are they suck a butt hole to me? When will I get that chance to prove myself? Why do they only see me as a friend? If things were different, what would be different? Why do I have to fade to the background? LORD WHY ME?? Well let me explain something to you. I have asked myself and the Lord all these questions before but I did discover this...you're blocking your blessings if you ask all these questions!!! How can you focus on what you have if you're worried about what you don't have??? THINK ABOUT IT! Stay focus on your dreams and hold fast to them. For if you give up on what God has promised you then you will lose faith. Keep praying and venting to God. He's always listening even through all those questions.

Be Blessed.

Why NO Boyfriend pretty lady???

I get asked this question all the time...why I don't have a boyfriend? Ok leave me alone people!!! LOL Is is so hard to see a young lady alone and enjoying life to the fullest?? Let me stop! Yes I do love the company of a young fellow but and I stress but, I'm not jumping into another headache.

My ex said something to me some months ago. He stated that I'll be a great spouse and mother so what's taking me so long??? ERRRRR umm last time I checked, most women don't have the problem of commitment. Plus if I was such a great spouse and possibly mother then why the hell I'm not with you now then?? (Another blog one day) Back to the subject....I'm not blaming all this lack of commitment on men, but a man is the one who seems to be unhappy. Regardless if they're unhappy with the sex, appearance, attitude, situation, whatever. I'm not a hard person to please but most men I've met only thing with one brain. NO I'm not talking about the brain that's on their shoulders either. I'm saying the one that's hanging in between their legs. I was just telling an older co-worker today and I was telling him that older men are the worst! They come right out and say what they want. They have had or still have the wife and kids and now they just want a nice pretty young thing full of excitement. The younger guys my age will beat around the bush about it and try to be nice at first and then the green goblin speaks and you're like ERRR pump the brakes, what the hell did you just say??? Haha. I'm not dropping my drawers for nothing. Especially, since we haven't taken any tests yet. I might be young but I'm not dumb. Have you seen the HIV stats recently??? Ummm yea, it will scared anyone straight..LOL.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect to everyone. I'm just perfect the way God has made me. Some men appreciate a young BBW like me and truly find me attractive but they're not ready for the commitment because they're "doing them." They just want to focus on themselves, their career or money. Now I understand some people have to get themselves together before they can bring anyone else into their circle but how long do you plan to "doing you?" I'm truly confused what the hell that means still?? Let's just say you're not into a relationship right now and you're enjoying your little freedom that you have. But on the flip side what kills me is, they're enjoying their freedom but as soon as they find that girl they're really digging and she's too "good" to let go so you willing to settle down with her. What the hell?? Again let's just say you was not interested in me like that as you are with her. Please be honest. I don't like liars!!!!! ERRRRR

I'm on a different level right now. I'm happy with myself and what I can present to the table later. I have learned from relationships and still learning. I'm no body's fool and I don't plan on being a clown either in the near future. So to answer the 8th wonder of the world question, why I don't have a man....I'll have a man when he's ready for me to be incorporated into his world. When he's ready to commit fully, to be ready to love and be loved fully. When he's ready to stop playing games,telling lies to get by and to give that 100 percent into the relationship. NOT that 80/20 rule either. (If you don't know what that is, then watch Tyler Perry's movie, Why Did I get Married?) I related to the character that Jill Scott played. I've been in a relationship where, I figured if I changed something about myself then he'll appreciate that more. Regardless, if it's my hair, make-up, clothes, or attitude. I found myself hating him at the end but most importantly, mas as hell at myself. I will be loved one day but someone who Love's all of me. I will change on my own! Dam that if you think I'm pretty but not as pretty as that model or girl on the street. Well then you be with her!!! Life is too short for me to find myself through your personal downfall. I learn to love me for all I have and posse.
I'm a woman of little games and a lot of patience. So my time is precious and it's wasting....

Why are you bothering me??

Please explain this to me...Why do people steady bother you or try to get on your last nerve when they know that you didn't have a good day?? Do it get you off to get me to the point where I want to cuss you out and don't think twice about it?? Obviously, everything you say and do is irritating and upsetting my train of thoughts! So with that being said, please try to avoid to get me to the point of no return!!!

Sorry you guys but I had to release that anger that quick! But that opens up my blog so let me move on with my point....I'm not having a good day (obviously) and it seem like the devil been on my case all week but yesterday was the final breaking point. Stress is a very serious thing and I try to stay away from what can bother my health. Whoever believes that it's not something out there that talk to people and make them come out their norm and get on your bad side, they're a lie! The devil is always working through people to get you down, take you to the point of giving up but DON'T! I've been to the point where I was willing to give up everything. My car, money, job and social life just because stress was killing me. Alot of people ask me how did I supersede it all? Easily, I prayed and believed. YES I do believe in God as my Lord and savior. I always had God there with me but I wasn't ready for him. I was young, dumb and full of ....well you know the rest. LOL. But I gave up alot to get where I'm at but all in good favor. I gave up men, friends, places, bad language and negative thinking. As a result, I got everything else that I need. A piece of mind, happiness, fullfillness, and overwhelming feeling of love. I've meet some amazing people that help me through my progress and I'm still being molded everyday and I'm loving it like McDonald's. :)

Now I was pissed at the beginning of this blog but when I thought of where I came from and what I have planned for my future, I feel sooooo much better! It's amazing how God works through me. But I know that devil is working to do something to make me mad and bother me again but I'm going to attack him with prayer and heavy devotion. In times of stress, we need to take our mind out of the physical and get in touch with your spiritual realm. Remember God loves you all!!!

God Bless