Trying to Raise A "Man"

I've tried to raise a man overnight. You see I saw something in this "man" that I thought no one else saw. What I was neglected to be informed about is that in fact this "man" was broken...broken beyond repair.

  Here he is a lost child, prematurely aborted from the womb. Never really having a nipple to suck, for someone to stroke his kind face at night while singing lully bys within his ear.  This young boy was forced to become a young man. Out there hustling on the streets, reaching out to shake the next man hand. Forced to learn to protect ya neck and never let another man catch you slippin. He was never really taught that not every young girl is clean and she will live off your dollar and dream. Spreading your seeds within a garden, producing not one but two. Forcing a young boy to become a man.

   You see you don't really understand. This "man" said I love you like it was the lyrics to a new rap song. Being played within my mind over and over again only to become a curse. A disease that I ran from. A haunting spirit that won't leave me alone. Your words run through my mind only to bring up a constant hurt and physical pain. I gave and I gave only to be left with a fucked up heart and nothing to gain. He thought he could silence me with those soft gentle lips and deep stroke guided with hips. But that never stops the voices that has a constant chit chatter of memories as you told me that you fucked your baby mama....Damn...

    I thought we were better than that. I thought that you were my Dick and I was your Jane. I thought you were ready to have a real woman in your life. Someone who held your back while you cried wolf. Someone who loved you unconditionally even when you really didn't love yourself. Someone who wanted to give you the world because you wanted to give her the moon too. I was ready to give it to you all but apparently I meant nothing to you.

     You were forced to become a "man" because everyone laughed at you. You were looked at as soft. Not realizing that not all good guys finish last. When will you wake up and see how much you mean to me? You're too busy in the streets tying to live off that next dollar and dream. Wanting to be a star player in the NFL, having all the fly clothes, cars and hoes. You wanted to live the ballers life! Not really understanding that it takes time to get all these things you want overnight. You see you have to vision my love. You have to work hard and stop being a perve.

      Your dick won't get you far. It's only so much you can get until you have everyone else around you that's a "get wit." Lusting over dreams, preparing your lips for the next jay full of weed while tapping your feet on the carpet floor. Throw back your hair as you take the first puff. As you pop that E pill. As you sip on that clear burning substance. You drift away....Away into a land that you can't be reached. A land full of loud music, constant tears and full of pain. I can't help you because you can't hear me.

      I tried to fix a man that will always be broken. His wounds was too deep to be healed. His eyes were always filled with tears. His heart always consumed with pride. His stomach is always empty right along with his pockets. His dick was always ready to explode. He's a young man slowly turning old.

        I tried to raise a boy to a man only to realize that a man won't change until change find him. When his nights become cold, his practices become habits, his white lies become truth. When his daughters become women. When he realize his shit was never really together. When he realize he could have had a better life if I kept him. When he's ready to become a man.....

Let me tell you about these b!tches....

Yes ladies and gentleman that was the opening line of a conversation that I was about to have with my coworker. I gave the biggest *blank stare* that I could ever give him. I couldn't believe he thought that was OK to sat to me knowning that I'm a woman. Better yet, why did he think we were that close yet for him to start this conversation off like that.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm probably one of the coolest female friend you'll ever meet but you can not expect me to stand for that. I had to stop him in mid sentence and tell him while in my presence you can not call any woman a disrespectful name and think its OK with me. He proceeded to tell me that I don't know any of them so it shouldn't really affect me. "Ummm yes it does" was my reply. How do this man expect for me to allow him so freely call any woman a bitch blows my mind.

Needless to say he didn't want to share any of the story with me after I had to "correct" him from his true ignorance.  I couldn't believe he got so mad at me that he had to get up and pretend that he's going to take a bathroom break. But then I look up he goes out to talk to the other gentlemen out in the lobby at the situation. LOL. All I could do was shake my head and say a small prayer for him.

Ignorance is bliss.....

First Date Top 10 Tips!!!!

A first date is always a nerve racking situation but if you stay calm, look your best and act normal all should go well. But since many people rarely go on dates now a days, a lot of people don't know how to act. Over the years, I have learned the do's and don'ts to dating through my own or other people's experiences.
Here's my top ten first date tips......

Tip #1
Be prepared for your time:
A lot people don't understand that it's some prep work before a first date. So you have to allow yourself enough time to get home to change/bathe/apply make up/etc, get to the location and get there on time...

Tip #2
Get to your date early:
You want to get there early because maybe it's a spot you've never been before so you need to check out the surroundings. Maybe they don't have valet, you need to take the train to the location, find parking, traffic, etc. You don't want to have your date waiting. Nor do you want to be so frustrated by all the unplanned events before your date.

Tip #3
Greet your date properly:
Depending on you all status or what you'll allow, greet your date accordingly. Since it's the first date in this situation, you may want to give a person a handshake or hug. Something like a kiss off the break sends signals that you want something else. So be careful how you greet that person.

Tip #4
Depending on your status is how you interact with you date:
Don't allow a person to reach over and try to grab your privates while you all are out or even in the car. A woman should act like a lady and a man should act like a perfect gentleman. There shouldn't be any unnecessary touching in any form. If the guy want to touch your knee during the movie or you want to interlock arms also, depending how you feel, it's all up to you. Remember a man will treat you the way you allow him to.

Tip #5
Stop flirting so much!!!:
It's cute to let a person know that you really digging them and want to show them in all ways possible that you're physically attracted to them but when all clothes are on, you really need to get to know this person. Get to the bottom of things. Ask questions pertaining to their goals, family, friends, experiences, children, career,etc. Get to know the person, not what they can do for you.

Tip #6
Allow a man to be a man!:
This is hard for a lot "independent" women now a days but let the man to lead the date. I'm not saying allow him to lead you right to his house, NO! I'm saying stop telling the man what you want and what you all are going to do. You make that man feel like he's out with a controlling woman and loose interest. Allow him to ask you what you want to do next and where do you feel comfortable going. But stop being so "independent", that's why your butt is single! LOL

Tip #7
Do NOT GET DRUNK ON YOUR FIRST DATE!!:
This is so sad that I have to insert this tip but boy oh boy I tell ya, a lot of people get out here and show their ass because they don't know how to act. The feel as though the alcoholic beverage is going to "calm their nerves" but really it shows your ass! You need a sober and clear mind to make the right decisions, to enjoy the date and for the date to really enjoy you. No person want the first impression to be that they either can handle their drink or they're an alcoholic.

Tip #8
Body Language is everything during a date!!:
A person can tell if you're really diggin them or you're clearly not interested based on your body language. Your body shows a person how much you're enjoying the conversation by the raise of the eyebrows, the lean in of the body, the gentle touch on the hand, the look up from a drink, a smile, laughterand a gentle tap. All those there tell a person that they can pursue you further or simply end the date early. Remember not all people like to be touched though.

Tip #9
Fellas, for the first date pay for the meal:
It's very traditional for a man to pay for a meal. Women was raised to let a man spoil you and show you much they appreciate you and this goes hand and hand with a first date. Not saying that you have to go all out and splurge on this woman but show her that you're not cheap and you have no problem paying for activities of the first date.

Tip #10
End the date properly:
This is the nervous part of the date....to kiss or not to kiss?? This is simply all up to you! I can not answer this question for you. Again this depends on your status, your body language, and how you want to end the date. So choose wisely, don't end up in no one's bed...you may not get to see what the future holds.

SO GET OUT AND DATE!!!

Food, Sports, Sex and Video Games:The Way to a Man's Heart

I grew up with two brothers, a father and a bunch of uncles but men are still difficult to understand. No matter how much you try to dissect, break apart, or even relate to men, they are a totally different species from women. Now don't get me wrong, they're not stupid nor disconnected from the world, they're just wired a little differently from women.

As I matured, my understanding of men have also. I can say from my experiences from previous relationships, long talks with friends and family and awkward conversations with my father, I can state an opinion about men. They simply want a woman who are semi-understandable to their needs and wants along with some space. Men truly want a feminine woman who can act like "one of the boys", that don't trip about the simple matters of the world, that can watch the game, give great sex, cook and appreciate them for who they really are. It's that simple right? WRONG! Women have a different temperament from men. We love to cuddle, kiss, hug, are attention whores, love to shop, adore typical date movies, romantic evenings long walks and breakfast in bed; the complete opposite. Now not all women are like that, as a matter of fact I'm not a smothering woman because I too love my "space" too. But I know when to become that "attention whore" when I feel neglected.

Men now a days are mostly about money, sex, music, clothes, cars, hoes and video games. This is the harsh reality these days that us "hopeless romantics" have to face. The chivalrous man hardly exists today. We're now faced with more thugs, homosexuals, aspiring *fill in the blank* and lazy men than we had some 30 years ago. But we do still have a majority of men who are the opposite to those negative attributes but they have the damnest time finding a reasonable mate. Why you ask??? Women are now too into themselves and their own feelings, their wants and needs that they don't ask their men, mates, jump offs, "friends with benefits", husbands and fiance's what they need nor want. I can say, us women have become selfish, self suffient and self absorbed.

Men sometimes are the sole bread winner, while the women either sit at home and take care of the kids, spend up all their money and/or watch Maury's "3 Babies, 1 Father, Paternity Result" shows all day. When they come home to wind down, drink a beer, wine or liquor, the last thing they want to hear is our complaints, ideas and problems. Majority of the time, they want to zone out, eat, play video games, surf the net, commit to their hobbies, play with the kids, get some sex and go to sleep. Now that's real talk! I'm not saying that us women need to stand back and let our men simply walk over us, abuse/use us nor ignore us. I'm saying, ask your man how his day was, ask him if he's hungry, allow the kids to give daddy some time to breathe, rub his feet, his back, kiss him, hug him, simply show him how much he's been missed and loved. A man's ego loves to be stroke along with his manly counterparts. (I'm just saying, lol)

A man is going to be a man regardless if he has you or not. Therefore, incorporate yourself into his lifestyle, his hobbies and his friends. You'll never know how much you'll like what he's doing until you try it. If the man plays football, golf, basketball, soft ball, soccer, etc., see how you can support him and his team. Become a cheerleader, wear his number, have a bake sale, host monthly parties for the team, and/or buy him some new equipment. A man wants to know and see that you're there to support him in whatever he do. If not, there is room to creep and lie. You don't want that! Remember what you won't do, another woman will do but better.

Allow a man to have a reasonable time, day and hours to zone out in his own world as long as yall have an understanding of the rule and restrictions you all have agreed upon. If you know your man loves to come home play video games till dinner is ready, allow him to so. But after dinner you know you want some attention, demand that. A man is going to do whatever you allow him to do. That's something that my own father has told me on numerous occasions. If you all have a family, a MAN while make time for both his wife/kids and hobbies; he will be flexible. But a woman have to be more flexible, why? Because God has made us this way. We are the glue that holds a lot of things together.

Lastly, a man loves food and sex. Those two things are miserably hard for him not to have. Therefore, DO NOT DENY ANY MAN FOOD NOR SEX! This is just a road destined for failure especially if you all are married. Don't go to bed mad with your spouse but talk things out, agree to disagree, kiss and go to sleep in the same bed. This is important because this is what makes a marriage works. I am NOT married nor am I an expert but I know common sense when I see it. Again, I have learned a lot from my brothers, father, uncles and guy friends and family members. I do not take for granted the knowledge that they passed down to me. I'm simply expressing my thoughts because I have repeatedly been considered the "it" girl around men.

They've come to me and explained to me how I have a glow about myself, complimented me on how I carry myself in conversations and situations. They have asked me numerous amount of times, "Jamale why are you so cool?" I can't answer that question seriously because to some men I'm one way and to others I'm the best. I simply carry myself as myself. I don't fake nor do I cover up who I really am. I was raised around men. Men who know who and what they want. I was raised around men who played sports (my father and younger brother played football while my older brother played basketball). I sat there quiet for years watching games but then I started asking questions about the game, calling out plays, fouls, flags, etc. I don't know the whole game like a pro but I'm better than plenty of my female counterparts. I played video games with my brothers and watched them play it for hours while helping them out with ideas of how to beat their games. I observe, I'm very attentive, I'm open minded. Hence why I'm not like other females. I've learned men are just as complicated, complexed and fragile just like use females are. They desire, hurt, cry, get excited and are determined for the same things as we are, they just show it differently. Consequently, break out that nutshell and free your mind, fore your ass will follow!

A heartless man

I can honestly say I've met my share of men. Some overwhelming, mean, rude, heartless, loving, caring, hopeless, etc. But nothing has prepared me for what I went through recently.....

I've have given a lot of thought to my upcoming relationships. I never want to be what I use to be. Cold and distant. I've missed my chance at love because of that once but never again I promised myself. I know underneath all that thick layer of skin, I'm a very loving and carefree person. Once I let my guard down, they do get to see that. But they always take that for granted. I thought that maybe if I give my heart another chance, I wont be blocking my upcoming blessings.

I've decided to share my intimate feelings about a man whom I've been wanting for a long time. I watched and waiting for this man for months. I did my research, made sure no one else was trying to take the bait and let things flow. I didn't want to seem desperate or crazy so good things come to those who wait. I waited patiently, dying to tell him how I really feel. I finally gotten my chance months ago. I spilled this man, my deep feelings. Everything that I been replaying in my mind, over and over again. I finally got it out! I felt relived once he knew the truth. At first he was taken back but flattered. Afterwards, we were inseparable. I had finally gotten the chance to selfishly have him for myself.

We of course like any other "couple" who first start to get to know each other, have their spats. No serious arguments but I never understood why this man never gave me information, simple information. It wasn't like I was trying to hack into his account and take all his money, have his baby and take over his life. I was intrigued about this man. I like older men and he was perfect. Little did I know this man was a lie. He was a secret which I felt wasn't right but I kept telling myself that I'm fine. Everything will work out in the end. I was lying to myself and God. It's amazing how God place people, places and things in your view to stop you from making the same mistake but I wanted to be hard headed. I put myself out there, mind, body and soul. Without hesitation, I always made myself "available." I was mentally setting aside time to spend with him but he wasn't doing the same. I gave without wanting anything in return. I loved unconditionally.

He hurt me really bad. To my soul. My core. He accused me of lying to him and I didn't. We never crossed that threshold of becoming one, boyfriend/girlfriend but he treated me as such and so did I. I wanted him so long, why would I bother with anything else? He completely cut me out of his life within a matter of hours. Deleted me like I meant nothing to him. Stated that I lied for no reason and I knew the real reason why he didn't want to talk to me anymore. I was crushed, clueless. How can you tell a person goodbye and don't explain to them why you don't want them anymore? I didn't just loose a lover but I lost a friend. I enjoyed his company, his masculinity, his jokes, smile, his stories. I was smitten in can say. But he didn't feel the same.

I can honestly say I don't know why we fell apart. He took my heart stomped on it, let it bleed and laughed in my face. He was someone I didn't really know. I thought this was a man who was ready to love but I was wrong. He clearly has some emotional/trust issues that I can not help him with. What he needs to do before he allows anyone else in his life is to understand true communication, definition of love and sacrifice. Those three things that he doesn't possess right now. I do and always will love the man whom I kept close to me. He was my secret, my prize, my trophy. It hurts but I rather had that experience then never. I learn from each and every experience. I prepares me for each battle that I conquer. In the past I would have said "fuck love" but I'm saying I'm ready to love again. I'm not letting that "baggage" affect my future. God blessed me by hurting me. It'll hurt for a little bit but it'll feel so much better once the storm is over.

"Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a teardrop." Anonymous

The "Sexy" Smoker

I titled this blog post "sexy smoker" because of a discussion I had with a male coworker of mines. I stated to him and his supervisor at work that I dated a smoker before and preferably not again. After them asking why I explained to them that whenever I kissed that guy I tasted the nicotine! I could have went home and brushed my teeth, woke up the next morning and still taste the cigarette!

My coworker whom I call "Superstar", said Megan Good smokes and he'll date her any day regardless of her bad smoking habit. That's something that I didn't understand. How can you look past that bad habit? Superstar said "because its MEGAN GOOD JAMALE!!!" Yea that's all fine and dandy but you have to look at how she'll look like in 5-10 years.

A lot of people look past this bad habit because its become accepted greatly in our community. I'm not going to lie, I have tried a cigarette when I was in the 7th grade. We all looked up to those "cool kids" growing up and saw that they were doing it, so it must have been ok, right? WRONG!!! From that first puff, I felt my lungs overwhelmed with smoke and I immediately started coughing. Soon after that I also was diagnosed with asthma so I knew my "smoking days" was over!

I was trying to explain to Superstar that even though Megan Good looks nice now, her habits don't! Superstar's supervisor stated that he dated a girl whom had smoked. He didn't mind it in the beginning but then later into the relationship he noticed that if she didn't get that cig, she would be a complete BITCH! I shook my head in agreement. I have family members whom smoked since the rip ages of 11-15 and now well in their 70's. I have noticed if they don't get that cigarette, they have the worse attitude and headache until they get that cigarette.

Have you ever noticed that when the smokers go outside during a break how relived/happy they are once that cigarette is lightened and smoke is inhaled? That's what kills me. That one little cancer stick give you that much joy? Why can't people just get high off life? Enjoy what God has placed here on Earth for them naturally. I never want to be looked at sideways because of a heavy addiction such as smoking. To me, women who smokes disgust me. No offense but how can you claim that to be cute?

Beauty is something that we're blessed with when we're born. Beauty isn't something that is seen physically but also something that is shown in our personality. So how can you kiss/love someone whom loves that addiction more than you? Superstar said he had the affect to ask Megan Good to quit that addiction if he wanted her to. I laughed and gave him and example. What if she got pregnant and she was still smoking? Superstar and his supervisor stated that she wouldn't do that. They believed that a woman would stop because of their motherly instinct will kick in and they would stop.

What a lot of people fall to understand is that a lot of women really don't stop. Their addiction is that strong that they can't find the strength to stop. Even though a child will be a good reason to do so, they can not find the will power to accept that challenge. They didn't believe me. Superstar wanted stats and facts. He wanted me to name some people that I know who didn't stop smoking once they became pregnant. I politely named three people. Now that's only three people I know but there are a lot more women that do smoke while with child.

This whole conversation goes back to my original point, smoking isn't sexy! The nicotine companies make it seem its the coolest thing to do but its really not. Millions of people die everyday people of cancers due to cigarettes. So why decrease your life span? Megan Good won't always look that way. Cigarettes is slowly pulling the life out of her just like any other person who smokes. I'm not picking just on Megan Good, she was just an example that Superstar put forth. But she's a great example of how people would put beauty over their normal standards/expectations. We get wrapped up, relaxed and care free about someone whom we want so bad that we forget what we need.

Now ask yourself if you don't smoke, would date a smoker just because they're everything that you want and more? *think about the consequences*
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When YOU should Let Go of an Ex!!!!!

We all, regardless of sex, have gone down that lonely road of revisiting the thought of an ex boyfriend/girlfriend. For some of us it works out perfect and for others it can be quite a learning experience. Like many bloggers, I want to share my experience and lessons learned from revisiting that terrible road of MISSING AN EX.

So there was this guy that we'll name "Mark." Mark was a high school sweetheart of mines. Someone whom I would have done anything for. I would have "cut a bitch" over him, ride or die, and even layed down and had his kids. (Woooooaaahhh, deep I know! LOL) But the point is, I love that man. I love that man even when everyone wanted him for all that he could offer them. You see he was a start athlete, a man of many jokes, dressed fly as hell and all the girls wanted him. BUT he wanted me! We had this attraction towards one another that no one could break apart. I was taken back how much this man loved me in high school but I loved every minute of it. After high school, I ventured out to college. At my university, it was a "handful" of African Americans because I went to a majority white school. But that didn't stop me from taking trips home to explore the company of other men. Can you believe at one point in time I was boy crazy??? Funny huh?((DISCLAIMER: I WAS FAR FROM A HO!!!)) But that's what most young, attractive girls do when they go off to college. I've met so many different types of men and from each of them they were a lesson learned but I always seemed to run back to Mark.

We always met back on common ground, LOVE. We knew we loved each other but sometimes because of our age and maturity we couldn't really get too serious to express our real feelings. He was getting pretty serious about me my last semester at college. So serious to the point that this man proposed to me. That was a huge shock for me because for one it was in front of my mother and for two he was actually very serious about wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. That to me is a serious commitment and I adored him but I was too young (21) to really take this man serious and I wasn't ready to officially become Mrs. (fill in the blank). Hell at the ripe age of 21, I was just understanding me and learning to really love me and other people but I knew I loved him. We soon broke apart to eventually come back together 2 years later. Again at that time I wasn't really ready to accept his "seriousness" about me because I had too much on my plate. I was really stressing! I had my own apartment, bills out the waaaaa zoo, student loans and working three jobs! How can I really take this man into my life if I'm dealing with a million and one things at that time. Need less to say, we broke apart. But this time it was all my fault. I pushed away a man whom I took for granted. I believed that he was coming back and I had no worries, I'll see him next year. Well hell, little did I know this man wasn't coming back.



The following year, I was hurt! I literally dropped to my knees and prayed to God. I prayed that this man will be allowed to be back into my life because I know out of all the men I've ever been with, loved or wrote about, he actually loved ME. It was some sad, sad days to come after those many prayers. I really did believe that that was my husband, the man of my dreams, my knight in shinning armor. Little did I know. It actually took me three years to find out the truth. Thankfully for the Internet, I found my high school sweetheart. I was ecstatic to see his face again. I nearly cried because I prayed for him for three years and there he was. So looooooong story short, we started talking again. We agreed to take things slow and allow us to get to know the adults that we have become. That was excellent until the "Mr.Hyde " side of him came out. This man was acting really weird to the point I was questioning my prayer for him. He actually became this man whom I've never know before. Mark became this man that loved differently. He wasn't affectionate, delicate, loving or concerned. He actually became a loner, mean, nonchalant, a PLAIN ASSHOLE! He took my love, admiration and compassion as me being pressed for him, smothering him or rushing him into some feelings.



I was a little lost and confused? What happened to this man in between the years that we've been apart? Was it the ex's in between? Was it the last impression he had of me in my youthful days? Or was he really running from commitment? I was crushed; nearly devastated when he told me that I was nagging him!!! WTF how the hell am I doing that if I'm deeply, truly concerned for your loner ass? Now let me get this straight.....I'm not one of those women who'll blow your phone up, leaving messages or pressed to come over your house. I'm a very simple person. I keep to myself until I want to let anyone into my space. If I'm feeling any gentleman I want to enjoy his time, masculinity, and his thoughts. I actually enjoy the everything about that person but I'm far from being pressed for any man so when he said that I immediately fell down into this dark place. I was back at square one of loosing someone whom I thought I loved. Little did I know that the man that I once loved isn't that person anymore. He's not that man that once loved me more than I loved myself. He's some alien, a stranger, a ghost, a pure memory.........



It hurts deeply because I thought I found that knight that came to save me again. That man whom I was ready to change my last name for eventually. The love of my life. ALL WRONG! I prayed and prayed only to be let down but in reality I wasn't. It took me the following week to realize that God brought this man back in my life so I can stop praying for something that doesn't exist anymore. He was once a lover, a dream that shouldn't be renewed. At this point in time I felt like a big dummy that didn't take their own advice, "never go backwards, always press forward."

But don't take my meekness for weakness!

What's your type Ma?

When some of my friends or women that hardly know me ask me what type of men I like, I simply reply that I don't have one. A lot of people think I'm lying about something as simple as my type of men I like but to be honest, I have never put the much emphasis on my "typical" man I would talk to.

All my life, I always dated or been with men that are beautiful in their own way, never no one whom you couldn't say was cute. I'm not trying to sound vain but I do need something nice to look at. :-). When I try to show some of my female friends the type of men I dated, they can't believe how different my range of men have been. I've mostly only dated black men but I have dated Spanish men before also. All of them touch me in one way or another. But what really amuses me is that when I show some of those men I talked to before, some of the women ask "Girl, where did you meet him at" or "Damn." But the way they say it, is like they can't believe how a "girl like me" can manage to cop a man like that. See women like that I have to clearly stay away from.

Those type of women are what you clearly consider a HATER. They will try to either get with his closest friend or sadly your man. Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with such fuckery. I manage to gain men based on being just me, Jamale! A lot of women don't look past the physical because we're always trying to compare ourselves to the next chick. I was guilty at one point in time doing the same thing. You'll see one sexy specimen of a man and wonder what the hell does he see in that fooly wolfgang woman of his. WOMEN STOP THIS THINKING! We have to be open minded enough to understand that man see something beautiful or special in that woman. Especially if he has children with her. I know I especially had to stop that thinking because maybe that's how other women was looking at me with those men. I am far from perfect but I do deserve to be happy with my man!!!

Back at the point at hand, my range of men vary. I've dated light skin, red bone, mixed, true black/blue, brown, caramel complexed men. Tall or short. Pretty teeth or crooked as a crook teeth. Or even the chubby ones. I believe you should really enjoy a great personality! That's what all my men had in common, a personality. The physical attribute is always a plus but that isn't the number one key characteristic that you need to rely on. All the men I've dated made me laugh, smile and feel special.

A woman wants to of course feel special, comfortable, and most importantly wanted. Even if I didn't get all those in one, I did enjoy it while it lasted regardless of the outcome. Every situation and relationship is a lesson learned. Trust me I've learned A LOT plus I'm still learning.

Now don't get me wrong, there are some physical attributes that I find sexy as hell! Such as pretty teeth, a wonderful smile, bedroom eyes, height, MUSCLES, tattoos and hygiene. But sometimes those things aren't always in that package that I received but I accept NO EXCEPTIONS for hygiene!!! I refused to date a nasty ass man!!! LOL. Boys will be boys but boo I NEED A MAN! So with all this being said, I'm officially saying I love them all. Sexiness come in all races and personalities!!

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Dating 101

A subject that a lot of people neglect is Dating. A lot of people date, enjoy dating or dread it like the plague. See for me, I'm a lilttle bit of all three. I enjoy getting to know someone; acknowledging and understanding their likes and dislikes. I love all the things that you can possilbily learn about a person over time but then again if they're a phony I HATE IT! I've been out of a relationship now since 2005 and all not by choice. When I do start talking to a guy that I find interesting, they find it strange how I've been out of a relationship for so long. I have to go through this long drawn up conversation about how my last ex "F'ed" me over and men now a days are just plain stupid. Of course them being the men they are, they'll sometimes take the guys' side. Thats respectable but not always right in my book. I have no baggage or hatered towards anyone so all that b-s they say doesn't really phase me. I've been through a lot in those past three years. And I'm still learning as the years progress.

Me personally, I believe you can tell a lot about how a person act and react to situations. You know how people say first impressions are everything, well they're telling the truth! People pay close attention how the opposite sex's behavior and their patterns. This is key when starting to date someone. I wanted to share some of my thoughts and experiences over the years since my last "boyfriend" so guys and girls will have an understanding of what's right and what's plain wrong......

A couple of months ago, I started reading the Steve Harvey's Act like a Lady, Think like a Man book. I found it to be quite interesting. Some of the material I already knew becuase A.) my brothers already taught me or B.) you learn from experience. But some of the key points that really interested me was a man's purpose, don't hold the "cookie" back from your man, support and love your man regardless of income and status, pay attention to titles that he introduce you as, pay attention to details, don't let a man rule you (you're in control) and lastly play the game like them but be a lady at all times. Those are just some key points that caught my eye. It's more details within those subjects but you will just have to read the book to understand the depth of it all. But to me Steve Harvey didn't point out all the details about relationships. I feel as though if he would have teamed up with maybe his wife, he would have had a more equally sexed book. (Thats just my opinion). Like I stated before, there are a lot of experiences and things I've been through or seen that changed my way of thinking tremediously!!!!

In 2005, after my last boyfriend, I found myself in a deep hole that I seem to have fallen in. I was scratching my way out but I really couldn't see the light. I was staying in the house, slowly making myself depressed. Now many of you all might say, "girl he's was just another fish in the sea" but our relationship was sooo much more. I will spare the details of that relationship but I became very depressed. I felt as though I've lost my friend, lover, husband and most importantly a piece of me. A little while later, I moved out to my own apartment. I was really single, sexy, free and on a prowl. I had friends by the many who was willing to go out with me anytime to any club, all while enjoying our early twenties. While in my apartment, I started talking back to my high school sweetheart. I LOVED this man to death! He proposed to me Jan. 2005 but I felt as though he wasnt ready. Now that we were "grown" I felt as though, I should give him another try.

*Lesson # 1*: Never go back, keep going forward because you never know who you could be missing in your future blessings.

I should have known not to mess with this man. He was a constant liar, a theif and a a show off. He always wanted to show me what he could possibily "give me if I needed it." But I was set, I never needed a man for anything. I cared for him deeply but in the long run, I was sadden by one thing........THE SEX! Yes I said it, the sex sucked sooooooooo bad. I could have cried because I dont know what happened from high school till then?????? Sorry but you can't move on in a relationship if he can't enjoy and "last" through the whole moment......

*Lesson #2*: No matter how much the person is "perfect" if you're not satisfied physically or emotionally, leave them alone!!!!

An old ex of mines came back into the picutre a little while after my high school sweetheart. Now this ex has always been a friend of mines so I never had any problems keeping in touch with him. Our chemistry was off the hook! He made me laugh all the time, truly nice when he wanted to be, sexy in a different kind of way and he made me soooo comfortable. But he had serious commintment issues. At that point in time, he was really feeling me BUT he wanted to get his buisness off the ground. I had to fall back and understand, this man has some goals that he need to accomplish before he incorparate into my life. As time goes on, we have problems here and there like any "couple" but once I moved out of my apartment, he changed. He was mean as hell, selfish and inconsiderate. I just couldn't believe how this beautiful man could change like this???

*Lesson #3*: Let people go when they're not treating you right. You deserve much better!!!

He told me how he saw me as being his wife, he wanted us to eventually move in together and raise our family all within the next three years. He told me he wanted to go give him until 2009 and he'll be ready for me and ready to give me all that I wanted and needed. In 2008, I changed my whole attitude! I fell back from clubs, alcohol, men and toxic people. He was one of those 'toxic people" but because of our freindship, I told him we could still be friends but he had the audactiy to tell me in October 2008, that if we can't talk or have sex then he has nothiing much to talk to me about *WOW* Now that was crazy to me!!! How can he do this me? So I polietly told him don't ever call me no more and hung up on him. What's so funny, he's been blowing my phone up since then but what's really funny, he called me just as recenlty as last week to tell me he has a baby on the way. That news took me back. How can you run from a commintment of a girlfriend but fall for a commintment of a baby?? Now how can that make any sense???

*Lesson # 4*: If a person give you too many excuses for a relationship, they don't want it. Don't incorparate anyone into your life emotionally or sexually until you're actually ready for the consequences.

*Lesson #5*: Always follow your gut feeling because it's your sixth sense telling you to go the oppisite way

*Lesson # 6*: Whenever having sex, make sure you're using a condom or some type of birth control. A lot of people are having a baby due to the moment of forgetfullness.

*Lesson #7*: Women are emotional creatures so whenever you say you're "doing you" we take that as you're beening an ass at the time and you're eventually come around to the thought of a relationship with us. Dont get mad at us when we expect or give an ultimatium of a relationship with you. When you have sex with us, we allow you to come into us and take a piece of us along with you. WE CHOSE YOU AS OUR MATE! We incorpate our feelings with sex so we we're assuming that you're feeling us that much to have sex with us. You see it as SEX, we see it as a FUTRUE. Think about it!

This is just two examples of the madness that I've been through but I have more and more stories to tell about liars, cheats, *criminals* and commintment phobes. But from my previous blogs yall can see that I seem to only attrack the freaks and plain rude men. I dont know what it is about me but I believe this is just my test and time in my life where I have to wait it out until the Lord bless me with the near perfect man of my dreams. So I'll wait and count my blessings until then. **PATIENTLY WAITING**

Does it really say F*ck me on my Forehead???

So today while catching the Metro home I happen to run across this nice, fine, light skin black man that I thought made my day but before I tell you this story of mines, let me explain my day. Today was filled with plenty of laughs, walking and boredom. At work sometimes I feel like I'm not being challenged and I need a new scence. But today was a good day! I was chatting with my coworker about her recent birthday gift to Match.com that I gave her. I was telling her how our old coworker was asking me why I don't open up a Match.com member page myself since I don't have a man also? Well to answer that truthfully, I always seem to meet the nastiest, unbelieveable men so why bother. Plus I'm leaving my "husband search" up to God. So with all that being said, the Metro is the last place I would think to come across a cutie.

While transfering trains, I was doozing off to daydream land when this guy stood next to me and asked me am I interested in buy some Betty Boo material. While trying to put my IPod on pause, he asked me again. I polietly told him that I wasn't interested. He was like "ok cool, what about socks? I have all types with Bett Boo on them." So I again proceeded to tell him no thanks. Then he say to me "you cute as hell, do you have a boyfriend?" I smile and say well no. Then the conversation goes like this:

Guy: Oh well since you don't have a boyfriend, do you mind if I could call you sometime?

Me: Oh nah, sure.

He then pulls out his phone *thinks* and say: Do you have a pen?

Me: Nah

I look at him a little puzzled like why don't you just put my number in your phone? Plus should I really give this guy my number since he is selling Betty Boo bags in the Metro? But I said hell I know of some people that have full time jobs, they just sell things to get a little extra money plus my younger brother tells me that I'm too harsh on men because I've been hurt in the past. So needless to say I have a "little" chip on my shoulder aka I don't tolerate NO shit!!!! But I said let me be nice. Moving on...so I pull out my planner and tell him oh I do have a pen and for him to write down his number.

Guy: oh go ahead and write down your number.

Me: oh my bad ok

Guy: so what are you doing tonight?

Me: Go home and sleep, I'm a little tired

While I'm writing my number down, he's telling me how cute and sexy I am to him. All while he's licking his lips....

Guy: oh so you just got off work huh? Awww we should go to the movies or something tonite?

Me: Nah not tonite, I'm going home. Maybe this weekend?

I passed him my paper with my number on it and tell him the proper way to say my name........

Guy: Oh damn *shakes his head* I'll be working this weekend......

This is when I look down at his bag and wonder if he's talking about selling those damn bags and then I look up and smile back at him

Me:Oh well call me and maybe we can work something out

Guy: Yea weekends I work and I also have a girlfriend so we would have to go out during the week, ya know?......

*STOP THE TRACK* This is when I look at him with my face wrinkled and eyebrows arced up, staring at him like he lost his damn mind!!!!!!!!

Guy: Yea so we will have to see what we can work out

I'm still in shock like damn this nigga really just asked me for my number and a date but he clearly has a girlfriend???? THE AUDACITY OF THIS MAN!!!!!!!!

Me:ummmmmm yea ok *confused face*

Guy: Ok I'll call you sexy

Me: Yea ok *rolls eyes*

By this time I'm in so much shock I couldn't even tell him to give me the paper back and forget that conversation that we just had. As I could do is stand there and stare off into space and question myself; DOES IT REALLY SAY COME F*CK ME BECAUSE I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM TO THE POINT I'LL ALLOW ANYTHING, ANY MAN GIVES ME. Well let me answer that HELLS TO THE MUTHPHUCKIN NAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Sorry for the cursing but these are my exact thoughts). When my train finally came, I stood in the doorway waiting for the door closed and watched my stupidity stare me back into my face while I looked into the door windows of the subway car. The whole ride home I was like damn did that really just happen?? I don't understand somethings? How do you think it's ok to get another girl number when you clearly have a girlfriend? Plus you probably have a numerous amount of kids! Plus do you think that because you're cute that I'll bend to be and stay that boo boo the fool???? Again hell to the nah! I have too much self esteem and pride for that bullsh!t.

This is a prime example of why I'm so selective of who I talk to. My brother can say I'm acting like a b!tch or too manly but damn that! One thing for sure and two things for certain, I will not fall for anything! When I have that first conversation with a guy, I always ask him five questions. They are as follows:

1. Living situation

2.Occupation (better be legal)

3. Kids (if so how many and how many baby mothers)

4. Dreams and aspirations

5. Have you slept with a man or plan to sleep with a man? ( I don't play that sh!t......NEXT!)

I can see now I'm going to have to add 2 more....:

6. Do you have a car? ( We both can be taking Metro sir)

7. Do you have a girlfriend??????????????

WTF????????

This is a damn shame that I have to be a mini detective to get a decent man now a days. Lord why do you keep bringing these nasty, freaked out, inconsiderate, rude, arroganat men in my life? I'm tired of seeing the male gential through text, email or in person! ( Nice to look at but not all the damn time!!!!!) I'm not some female that dream and is constantly in NEED of some d!ck! So please save your size and pleasure principle for the next freak. That's not what I'm looking for. I don't understand it. Does it really say F*ck me on my forehead??

BTW: I will not be taking that guy's phone call!