I lost my mind just a week ago

I was on my way to a birthday party out in Baltimore, MD when I saw the sign for I95N to New York. The exit ramp was coming up when I realized that I was in the wrong lane. But what if I took that exit? Seriously what if???

See what you fail to understand I have the world damn near on my back. My neck and upper back is so tensed that I doubt a massage will do any justice. My lower back is in pain. I'm suffering from headaches more often. My attitude is now not accepting any tolerance. You see I'm beyond fed up with the bull. I'm not the next mad black woman. I'm bitter as hell!!

My sister in law and myself was having a crying session just a few hours before I went to the birthday party. I was pouring my heart out to her about all my pain. About how my heart hurt so much from loving people so hard. Basically she was my doctor at my time of need and told me that I care for people too much. I expect for people to care for me just as much as I do. All while in the mean time I have lost myself in the process. Her words was breathtaking but so true!!! It was a great example of a "a hah" moment. That's it. Now I know why I'm mad as hell at the world.

I get so mad at myself for falling in love over and over again, helping other people out, listening to other people's problems, giving people money, encouraging motivating and pushing people. I tell myself all the time that God has put all of this in my heart and I can't help the way I feel. Yes that's true but God didn't make no dummy. He tells us to love one another just like He loved us, forgive but never forget and always be ready for reconciliation.  But don't loose yourself all in the end.

You see during this time of always being available for everyone else, I lost what I actually wanted to do. I didn't put myself first and tell people how I really felt with no apologies behind it. I thought before I talked and I always took everyone else into consideration. So my solution to this major problem is to put on my I don't care hat. I have to let all the BS go in my life and sincerely focus on what I want.

I lost my mind just a week ago because I lost myself. With time, patience, prayer and a plan I'll get to where I need to be. With my faith holding me up by my boot straps, things will change inner then outer. So next time I see that sign I'll be going to New York because I want to visit not to run away from the pain.

Let me tell you about these b!tches....

Yes ladies and gentleman that was the opening line of a conversation that I was about to have with my coworker. I gave the biggest *blank stare* that I could ever give him. I couldn't believe he thought that was OK to sat to me knowning that I'm a woman. Better yet, why did he think we were that close yet for him to start this conversation off like that.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm probably one of the coolest female friend you'll ever meet but you can not expect me to stand for that. I had to stop him in mid sentence and tell him while in my presence you can not call any woman a disrespectful name and think its OK with me. He proceeded to tell me that I don't know any of them so it shouldn't really affect me. "Ummm yes it does" was my reply. How do this man expect for me to allow him so freely call any woman a bitch blows my mind.

Needless to say he didn't want to share any of the story with me after I had to "correct" him from his true ignorance.  I couldn't believe he got so mad at me that he had to get up and pretend that he's going to take a bathroom break. But then I look up he goes out to talk to the other gentlemen out in the lobby at the situation. LOL. All I could do was shake my head and say a small prayer for him.

Ignorance is bliss.....