It's been a long time....

OK so I know I haven't been on here in a while but I've been quite a busy young lady. So since I haven't been on here in a while,I'm posting two poems that I've written recently. I hope you like it. Please post comments and follow the blog!!!

Peace and Blessings, J


"A Waste of Matter and Time"

(A "stranger")

I want you now more than ever. I have these built up emotions, feelings, yearns and tears. I have all these unexplored thoughts and decisions. One thing for sure is I want you. I'm growing angry everyday knowing my feelings for you grow stronger and tighter. Tough as Teflon, longer than any given yard and better as an aged wine. These emotions for you aren't new, as a matter of fact, I knew how I felt when I first met you. I was amazed by your dark chocolate skin, your Colgate smile, mesmerizing eyes and your deep voice. I'm trying to build up my courage to come to you and tell you how I really feel but I'm afraid. I'm afraid that you'll shut me down and don't want me like I want you. Yea, I heard that line, I only want you as a friend. Yea, Yea, Yea heard that line too. Now I can sit here and tell you how much I can change this and give you that but if your mind isn't here, it's a lost cause. I am tired and pissed to be the last choice in your marathon of thoughts. I want to be your first and last. Your everything! I have so much lost love locked away patiently waiting and waiting. When will it stop? When will the peace subside with the love? I want you more than those brand new pair of shoes. I want you more than that new bag with a high price tag. I want you to remind of love and hope. All these things I want to tell you not only you but the world too. All these thoughts I write as I pass you on the train, too afraid to say hello to you. Damn I get so mad! Not mad at you but at society. They have programmed you to want what's not good to you. You want the bad girl who's poison to your soul. Toxic to your thoughts. Society has whispered in you ears lies and deceit to love this particular type of woman. Why not me?? Lord please help him see! But until the meanwhile, as I proceed off this train, I leave my thoughts for keeps, my feelings under wraps, crying invisible tears, and my pride protected. Until the next time I see you again, these words are a waste of matter and time.

Written 10/27/2008


My Petition

(Dedicated to my Spirit)

I have needs, wants and desires. I have made decisions, changes and life scarifies. I'm at a moment in time where everything is standing still. Just as dull, lonely and thoughtless as the moment before. I'm at a dead end. A dead end at the fork in the road. A fork in a road that can't be seen past the eye's view. I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm lonely.

I set aside all these foolish ideas of falling in love and traded them for strength, courage and wisdom. I need guidance. I need time. I need love. I deserve love and affection. I deserve the undivided attention and daily devotion. I deserve the silly just thinking of you texts and emails. This is my petition of my standards of love. I want it more than ever. I thrive off it's energy. I'm breathing it's air. I'm simultaneously beating along to it's heart beat.

I am waiting patiently.

Written 11/16/2008

My Pursuit of "Happyness"

So I don't understand how these supervisors believe that they have some power over you. People get respect when you give respect, don't ever forget that! Once you start living for money and making money, then money will control. A lot of people don't realize that they live their lives for that statement. I personally want to live comfortably so I don't have to worry but that seems like it's not working right now. I'm trying no to stress about these piling bills but they are slowing drowning me. BUT I will not let that stop me from dreaming.



Now back to this supervisor. I truly believe she thinks she has some power over me. I would greatly upset to loose my job but it's just that, my job. This isn't my career. This isn't what I ultimately want to do. I want to be the person to be my own boss. I want to strive towards a goal of owning my own business. So my supervisor don't have no hold over me. I live to enjoy life, I don't live to work. Therefore, that gives her this misconception of me having to worry.



I'm reading this book now called Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I highly recommend you to read it. This book was recommended to me by my coworker. She was telling me how someone told her to read it and now she's passing the wisdom. Now when I say that this book is a life changing book, I mean it! You will change you whole perspective about money, your decisions and your future. Some of the things that was spoken about, I do practice now but it's a great book to learn from. I take notes and plan to live by them. Within the book, it speaks how you can change your thinking and decision making about your finances, investments and how to start your own business. I would simply say, if you want to stablize your financial future then this is the book for you. As a result of the book, it has motivated me to change my decision making, be wiser about my money and be more patient. But most importantly, it made me realize that I'm living right now to work, pay bills and try to have fun with my "left over money" but in the long run I'm actually hurting myself. I don't need to live to work at some job that is only temporary. I got that job based on my experiences but I can start my own business based on my experiences and knowledge.



So I'm not living in fear anymore of being someones puppet, waiting for that person to cut my strings or better yet, me having the courage to reach up and cut my own strings. I'm striving for a better future. A future that will not only benefit me but it will benefit my kids and their kids. I want to leave a legacy. I want people to say she survived when at that time America was doing terrible. I want to live in a boat above water, not try to keep my head above water. So with that being said I'm in pursuit of my own "happyness."

Dangerous Territory

(Nate)

I know you're not the one for me but I just can't help but to think about you all day, everyday. You are a smooth individual. One that can easily take every part of me. Lick me, suck me, feel me from head to toe. You completely move me. I am fascinated with the thought of you Ummm you make me me smile just when I think I'm having a bad day. I need to be careful, I have to be careful. I can't go down that lonely, windy, roller coaster of love anymore. Yea you're smooth but I can't fall for your smooth. I can't fall for your smile. The way you touch me...they way you kiss me, the way you lick me....

I gotta get you outta my mind. I have to shake you off. I have to get your smooth swagger outta my mind. I gotta be careful, I wanna be careful. Ummm but something about you that makes me wanna step on those dangerous territories. I want to tip toe softly on that dangerous territory. I want to ignite a bomb on that dangerous territory.

I know your smooth. Too smooth for some but I like the idea of you. I love the thought of you. Ummm I love every inch of you. You're a fantasy I once dreamt of repeatedly, over and over again. Your freaky nature ummm that turns me on. I've never done some of these things you've requested but that inner part of me don't wanna be careful. I wanna be sinful. I want to lay down with you, bathe with you. I want to enjoy you. I want all of you ummm and I mean all of you!

I want to feel you. I want to caress you. I want to. Every inch, every part, every nasty nook and cranny of you. I need to be careful. Umm I want to be careful but I have to try. I want to try to tip toe on that dangerous territory.

Written 1/23/08

The Audacity of Hope

Yesterday was history. Not just history for African Americans but United States history. WE as a country voted an African American into office. Not too long ago this dream of becoming the President of the United States was far fetched. But look how far WE have come! This morning I was overwhelmed with joy. Last night when I came home from work, I was watching CNN for two hours straight, watching the counts come in. In the beginning I was very worried; will the United States really be ready for an African American President??? Once the numbers came in from my home state, Maryland and then Ohio and Pennsylvania, I knew Obama had it. But again it was only the beginning. Was the rest of the United States ready for Obama?

Once 10 pm EST hit, I couldn't take it anymore. By this time I had feel asleep just to wake back up to people talking but not about nothing much but what they predict will happen. I wanted to know what was really going on with Obama. Upon waking up, I looked at my phone and saw the numerous text messages and IM's stating that "WE won or I'm crying." Once I put my dog outside, I immediately cut the TV on CNN and there was the banner, "OBAMA HAS MADE HISTORY!" I broke down and cried. I mean I cried like no other! I cried like I was just broken down to nothing. I had to catch my breathe, I had to reach for the couch before my knees gave way, I had to give all the glory and praise to Jesus. I WAS IN COMPLETE SHOCK! I just couldn't believe it, WE all made history. Thank you Jesus is all I could say. My dog looked inside the house and she went hysterical because she don't like to see me crying. When I let her in, she jumped on the couch and licked my tears away. As she licked my tears away, it reminded me of back in the 1960's when mothers and fathers cried on the couch. They cried and their children didn't know why they cried so much. Who were they crying for? Why were they crying so long? I tell you they were crying for change! They were crying because they finally had a voice whom spoke up for them! They were crying for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I was crying for Barack Obama's audacity of hope! I was crying because Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. paved the way for Barack. Thank you!!!

This campaign started a little under two years ago. It all happened in a small room somewhere. Somewhere Barack envisioned change. He believed that this great nation was ready for someone who was serious. Someone who was just like them. They needed a true leader! It has been a long and hard campaign to lead but Obama has made it. He was examined carefully, torn apart and put back together again but he prevailed. Many analysts were trying to make it a racial campaign but many saw that we were mostly looking at the content of his character. He was never judged by the color of his skin, he was looked at as a man with pride in himself, his culture and his family. He prided himself in his dream that he believed him. And I admire that man for that. So with these words, I close to say thank you Barack Obama. Thank you for envisioning change, believing in yourself and your country. Thank you for uniting division in states. Thank you for having that audacity of hope! God Bless you!!!

*This entry is dedicated to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Without you, WE would have not had overcome.*

Are "WE" really ready for a CHANGE?

*WARNING!! THE ABOVE VIDEO CAN BE QUITE DISTURBING!!!*

When I ask the question are "WE" really ready for change, it's not just for us as black people, it's for the human kind. It's finally here, the day that could change the history of politics. I'm so happy that this nation has come together and decided to vote! Regardless, who you're voting for, it's the principle fact that you're getting the nerve to exercise your vote.

Now looking back to what we use to have, people, young, old, Black,White,Native American has died for our right to vote. What makes me a little upset is that people still believe that their vote doesn't count or we (black people) are only still allowing ourselves to have that "slave mentality." Don't get me wrong, the video that I posted above is just my opinion of pure ignorance! How can this man have the audacity to claim the difference between black man and nigger? Plus talk down about Obama and speak so highly of the Palin's family? But Obama's family is trash and worthless?? Isn't he suppose to be a pastor of a church that is based on Christian teachings not a political teaching?? Oh I'm sorry but I forgot, he's the one that started this ministry and church! Ahhhh that's it, so if I start my own movement of calling Obama trash and his followers aree all niggers and teach nothing but politics in my church then I'm considered a well known International Pastor??? PLEASE SHUT UP! This man has been clearly brainwashed to hate himself and his race. How dare you boycott the King's dream? Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. has dreamed of this day. He has even died for this cause. He put his life and his family's life on the line for people such as Obama, Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson and Colin Powell, just to name a few.

I can go on and on how disturbing this video is to me but I rather focus on the positive. Again let me stress that I didn't vote for Obama because he's black. (I'm still proud of the fact that A black man survived this long and possibly about to be our next President!) I voted for him because he's a man that moved this nation with his dialect. He's the "King's Dream." He is my role model, my future kids role model and my American Dream! (Read the past blog about my feelings towards Obama.) I'm excited today because I'm a part of history. I have a voice that was needed to be heard. I am that person that is being judged by the "content of my character." I am that person that need to get out to the voting lines early "by any means necessary." I VOTED TODAY! So please don't live another year in ignorance. Now if you missed this year's election, it's fine, you can always vote another 4 yrs. from now when we re-elect Obama in office!!! LOL My Pastor told me this is the year of change, so I ask you again, are "WE" really ready for CHANGE?