WHY AM I SINGLE...YOU ASK???: 10 Reasons WHY!

Before I start this blog post and someone ask me a this silly question, "Are you single?" The answer to that question is YES! I'm single by choice, now that's a HUGE difference. I can get into any relationship that so happens to come my way but I choose who I want to be with. If that person isn't meant to be with me, then for the sake of having someone isn't for me. I have too much pride for myself and my patience is too thin!! I'm not pressed to be someones "girl", I want to be someones wife!

Now a days a lot of people wonder why they're single though. Lets face this fact, the cards (statistics) isn't in our favor. With majority of the population in jail, don't want to commit, alternative lifestyles, mentally unstable and some say they gay/lesbian population went up (I'm not sure about that, so don't get on me), that leaves a lot of single and desperate people out here that has given up hope or just became comfortable being a "baby mama/daddy." Listed is just somethings that might hurt your hopes of finding a mate that will commit.....

1.} FUNKY APPEARANCE

       Appearance is the first thing and imprint that you leave with the person who sees you. How can you expect anyone to be attracted to you if you're clothes are falling off your body or better yet, they're too small for your frame? Baggy or skinny jeans aren't sexy either. I and many others don't want to see what color boxers you have on today or we don't want to wonder if your balls can breath while you walk. Give yourself some slack but not enough that'll hang you before you could even open your mouth to say hello.

2.} YOUR BREATH IS DEATH!
      Hygiene is a must in every relationship!!! Please whatever you do, make sure you take care of your mouth! You can have the most horrible teeth in the world but no one can say your breath is stinky if you make sure you brush your teeth, floss those gums and use mouth wash to back it all up.  If you don't have a tooth brush/paste available while you're out, mints and gum will be a great substitute until you can handle that. Don't have people believing you're a dream come true and your breath kills the dream!

3.} PRIORITIES
      What is one of the first things someone ask you when you go out on a date? "Tell me about yourself" is usually the question that first comes up. If you have a blank stare, avoid the question and/or don't know what you do or want to do with your life, you're going no where fast! It's the year of 2012 and everyone has a grind. What is yours? What do you want out of life? Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20 years? Do you have any goals that you want to accomplish besides becoming the next rapper, singer, producer or actor? What is your daily hustle? Stability is a must!!

4.} HOW ARE YOUR KIDS?
      Kids are a true blessing from God but if you treat them like a burden that pulls money out of your pocket, 9 times out of 10 that's a turn off! If you can't take care of your kids that you do currently have, how can you provide for your future seeds? Stop having 10 kids, 9 baby mothers or being baby mama #3 you wouldn't have no problems in the dating world. Whatever your previous issues with love and insecurities is the past, what are you trying to do to better your future??


5.} WANNA GO DUTCH?
      How can you say you want to go out and date, meet new people or have a good time if you're looking at the menu like you're ready to run as soon as the waiter ask if you're ready to order. A lot of times, people are stuck on trying to make a great first impression that they forget the truth. If you're broke and you can't afford anyone, then tell them that or wait until you have the funds to do so. If they like you then they'll stay and work with you. Not every date requires money also. But don't get there and expect the person to pay for their side of the bill unless yall made that agreement ahead of time.

6.} SORRY, I'M GOING TO GO KICK IT WITH CRAIG AND 'EM, SEE YA WHEN I SEE YA!
      If you're doing "you", enjoying life, not ready to settle down or no one peaks your interest, then stay single! Live a single life!! If you come across someone like that, then don't touch them with a 10 foot pole! If you don't want a friends with benefits plan, keep it moving. You might be blocking your blessing to see who you're meant to be with.

7.} ASS, ASS, ASS!
     Sex is complicated, not the people. Sex changes the whole dynamics of a relationship. If you're selling sex in your clothes, your conversation or pictures, that's how people is going to treat you. You will keep attracting the wrong people. But put yourself in a place where you'll meet people of your caliber and interests. Take a walk at the park, go to cultured events, go to church, speed date, something! But stop going to the clubs and bars thinking you're going to be meet Mr./Mrs. Right.

8.} GOT A CLEAN HOUSE?
      Believe it or not but how you keep your house and car is how your personality is. What is around you is a reflectance of what type of person you are. Profilers can tell  your whole life based on how you clean, how you fold your clothes, if you up keep your car with the latest oil change, if you keep your car clean and smelling good. No one want to go to your house after a romantic evening and see clothes everywhere, rings around the toilet and the bath tub, and bugs running around! That turns the anyone off quick!

9.} LIES! LIARS! FAIRY TALES!
      Why lie about simple stuff? Unless you've been trained by the government to be an international spy or assassin, your lies will catch up with you! You'll make yourself look like the biggest fool and you'll keep finding yourself in the single category.

10.} THE LIST OF STANDARDS
        EPIC FAIL! Everyone has a fairy tale list of what they think their mate should have and look like but if that list is constantly being used during the dates and none of the qualities aren't being checked off, maybe you're being too stuck up. I'm not saying that you can't have standards because I do myself  but don't block a possible relationship just because he's a divorced janitor with one child when you want a NFL player with no kids and a $35 million contract. HAVE MANY SEATS! You will be tested daily to see if you choose wisely. Not every big booty girl is going to be faithful. Yes she's a stripper at the club to pay for college but some do have sex for dollars. We're not made to be perfect so why are you looking for the perfect person? Be fair and reasonable.

GOOD WILL HUNTING!

First Date Top 10 Tips!!!!

A first date is always a nerve racking situation but if you stay calm, look your best and act normal all should go well. But since many people rarely go on dates now a days, a lot of people don't know how to act. Over the years, I have learned the do's and don'ts to dating through my own or other people's experiences.
Here's my top ten first date tips......

Tip #1
Be prepared for your time:
A lot people don't understand that it's some prep work before a first date. So you have to allow yourself enough time to get home to change/bathe/apply make up/etc, get to the location and get there on time...

Tip #2
Get to your date early:
You want to get there early because maybe it's a spot you've never been before so you need to check out the surroundings. Maybe they don't have valet, you need to take the train to the location, find parking, traffic, etc. You don't want to have your date waiting. Nor do you want to be so frustrated by all the unplanned events before your date.

Tip #3
Greet your date properly:
Depending on you all status or what you'll allow, greet your date accordingly. Since it's the first date in this situation, you may want to give a person a handshake or hug. Something like a kiss off the break sends signals that you want something else. So be careful how you greet that person.

Tip #4
Depending on your status is how you interact with you date:
Don't allow a person to reach over and try to grab your privates while you all are out or even in the car. A woman should act like a lady and a man should act like a perfect gentleman. There shouldn't be any unnecessary touching in any form. If the guy want to touch your knee during the movie or you want to interlock arms also, depending how you feel, it's all up to you. Remember a man will treat you the way you allow him to.

Tip #5
Stop flirting so much!!!:
It's cute to let a person know that you really digging them and want to show them in all ways possible that you're physically attracted to them but when all clothes are on, you really need to get to know this person. Get to the bottom of things. Ask questions pertaining to their goals, family, friends, experiences, children, career,etc. Get to know the person, not what they can do for you.

Tip #6
Allow a man to be a man!:
This is hard for a lot "independent" women now a days but let the man to lead the date. I'm not saying allow him to lead you right to his house, NO! I'm saying stop telling the man what you want and what you all are going to do. You make that man feel like he's out with a controlling woman and loose interest. Allow him to ask you what you want to do next and where do you feel comfortable going. But stop being so "independent", that's why your butt is single! LOL

Tip #7
Do NOT GET DRUNK ON YOUR FIRST DATE!!:
This is so sad that I have to insert this tip but boy oh boy I tell ya, a lot of people get out here and show their ass because they don't know how to act. The feel as though the alcoholic beverage is going to "calm their nerves" but really it shows your ass! You need a sober and clear mind to make the right decisions, to enjoy the date and for the date to really enjoy you. No person want the first impression to be that they either can handle their drink or they're an alcoholic.

Tip #8
Body Language is everything during a date!!:
A person can tell if you're really diggin them or you're clearly not interested based on your body language. Your body shows a person how much you're enjoying the conversation by the raise of the eyebrows, the lean in of the body, the gentle touch on the hand, the look up from a drink, a smile, laughterand a gentle tap. All those there tell a person that they can pursue you further or simply end the date early. Remember not all people like to be touched though.

Tip #9
Fellas, for the first date pay for the meal:
It's very traditional for a man to pay for a meal. Women was raised to let a man spoil you and show you much they appreciate you and this goes hand and hand with a first date. Not saying that you have to go all out and splurge on this woman but show her that you're not cheap and you have no problem paying for activities of the first date.

Tip #10
End the date properly:
This is the nervous part of the date....to kiss or not to kiss?? This is simply all up to you! I can not answer this question for you. Again this depends on your status, your body language, and how you want to end the date. So choose wisely, don't end up in no one's bed...you may not get to see what the future holds.

SO GET OUT AND DATE!!!

Dating 101

A subject that a lot of people neglect is Dating. A lot of people date, enjoy dating or dread it like the plague. See for me, I'm a lilttle bit of all three. I enjoy getting to know someone; acknowledging and understanding their likes and dislikes. I love all the things that you can possilbily learn about a person over time but then again if they're a phony I HATE IT! I've been out of a relationship now since 2005 and all not by choice. When I do start talking to a guy that I find interesting, they find it strange how I've been out of a relationship for so long. I have to go through this long drawn up conversation about how my last ex "F'ed" me over and men now a days are just plain stupid. Of course them being the men they are, they'll sometimes take the guys' side. Thats respectable but not always right in my book. I have no baggage or hatered towards anyone so all that b-s they say doesn't really phase me. I've been through a lot in those past three years. And I'm still learning as the years progress.

Me personally, I believe you can tell a lot about how a person act and react to situations. You know how people say first impressions are everything, well they're telling the truth! People pay close attention how the opposite sex's behavior and their patterns. This is key when starting to date someone. I wanted to share some of my thoughts and experiences over the years since my last "boyfriend" so guys and girls will have an understanding of what's right and what's plain wrong......

A couple of months ago, I started reading the Steve Harvey's Act like a Lady, Think like a Man book. I found it to be quite interesting. Some of the material I already knew becuase A.) my brothers already taught me or B.) you learn from experience. But some of the key points that really interested me was a man's purpose, don't hold the "cookie" back from your man, support and love your man regardless of income and status, pay attention to titles that he introduce you as, pay attention to details, don't let a man rule you (you're in control) and lastly play the game like them but be a lady at all times. Those are just some key points that caught my eye. It's more details within those subjects but you will just have to read the book to understand the depth of it all. But to me Steve Harvey didn't point out all the details about relationships. I feel as though if he would have teamed up with maybe his wife, he would have had a more equally sexed book. (Thats just my opinion). Like I stated before, there are a lot of experiences and things I've been through or seen that changed my way of thinking tremediously!!!!

In 2005, after my last boyfriend, I found myself in a deep hole that I seem to have fallen in. I was scratching my way out but I really couldn't see the light. I was staying in the house, slowly making myself depressed. Now many of you all might say, "girl he's was just another fish in the sea" but our relationship was sooo much more. I will spare the details of that relationship but I became very depressed. I felt as though I've lost my friend, lover, husband and most importantly a piece of me. A little while later, I moved out to my own apartment. I was really single, sexy, free and on a prowl. I had friends by the many who was willing to go out with me anytime to any club, all while enjoying our early twenties. While in my apartment, I started talking back to my high school sweetheart. I LOVED this man to death! He proposed to me Jan. 2005 but I felt as though he wasnt ready. Now that we were "grown" I felt as though, I should give him another try.

*Lesson # 1*: Never go back, keep going forward because you never know who you could be missing in your future blessings.

I should have known not to mess with this man. He was a constant liar, a theif and a a show off. He always wanted to show me what he could possibily "give me if I needed it." But I was set, I never needed a man for anything. I cared for him deeply but in the long run, I was sadden by one thing........THE SEX! Yes I said it, the sex sucked sooooooooo bad. I could have cried because I dont know what happened from high school till then?????? Sorry but you can't move on in a relationship if he can't enjoy and "last" through the whole moment......

*Lesson #2*: No matter how much the person is "perfect" if you're not satisfied physically or emotionally, leave them alone!!!!

An old ex of mines came back into the picutre a little while after my high school sweetheart. Now this ex has always been a friend of mines so I never had any problems keeping in touch with him. Our chemistry was off the hook! He made me laugh all the time, truly nice when he wanted to be, sexy in a different kind of way and he made me soooo comfortable. But he had serious commintment issues. At that point in time, he was really feeling me BUT he wanted to get his buisness off the ground. I had to fall back and understand, this man has some goals that he need to accomplish before he incorparate into my life. As time goes on, we have problems here and there like any "couple" but once I moved out of my apartment, he changed. He was mean as hell, selfish and inconsiderate. I just couldn't believe how this beautiful man could change like this???

*Lesson #3*: Let people go when they're not treating you right. You deserve much better!!!

He told me how he saw me as being his wife, he wanted us to eventually move in together and raise our family all within the next three years. He told me he wanted to go give him until 2009 and he'll be ready for me and ready to give me all that I wanted and needed. In 2008, I changed my whole attitude! I fell back from clubs, alcohol, men and toxic people. He was one of those 'toxic people" but because of our freindship, I told him we could still be friends but he had the audactiy to tell me in October 2008, that if we can't talk or have sex then he has nothiing much to talk to me about *WOW* Now that was crazy to me!!! How can he do this me? So I polietly told him don't ever call me no more and hung up on him. What's so funny, he's been blowing my phone up since then but what's really funny, he called me just as recenlty as last week to tell me he has a baby on the way. That news took me back. How can you run from a commintment of a girlfriend but fall for a commintment of a baby?? Now how can that make any sense???

*Lesson # 4*: If a person give you too many excuses for a relationship, they don't want it. Don't incorparate anyone into your life emotionally or sexually until you're actually ready for the consequences.

*Lesson #5*: Always follow your gut feeling because it's your sixth sense telling you to go the oppisite way

*Lesson # 6*: Whenever having sex, make sure you're using a condom or some type of birth control. A lot of people are having a baby due to the moment of forgetfullness.

*Lesson #7*: Women are emotional creatures so whenever you say you're "doing you" we take that as you're beening an ass at the time and you're eventually come around to the thought of a relationship with us. Dont get mad at us when we expect or give an ultimatium of a relationship with you. When you have sex with us, we allow you to come into us and take a piece of us along with you. WE CHOSE YOU AS OUR MATE! We incorpate our feelings with sex so we we're assuming that you're feeling us that much to have sex with us. You see it as SEX, we see it as a FUTRUE. Think about it!

This is just two examples of the madness that I've been through but I have more and more stories to tell about liars, cheats, *criminals* and commintment phobes. But from my previous blogs yall can see that I seem to only attrack the freaks and plain rude men. I dont know what it is about me but I believe this is just my test and time in my life where I have to wait it out until the Lord bless me with the near perfect man of my dreams. So I'll wait and count my blessings until then. **PATIENTLY WAITING**

WORLD AIDS DAY!!!!!

Good Morning Everyone!!!

Today is a special day. No it's not only 24 days until Christmas but today is National HIV day!!! Why get excited you ask??? Well to me you should be excited to know that you have somewhere you can go close to your house and get tested for free. It should be no excuse why you haven't had an HIV test yet if you're having sex, unprotected or protected. We all need to be an advocate and get out here and help our youth. It amazes me how so many younger people will have sex just based on their partner's pressure or to "fit in" with their peers. We all have been there and had that pressure put on us. But we as a country still don't have enough sex education programs or some of the parents are fearful that their child will ask too many questions about sex that they're not ready to answer. That's crazy to me!!!! If your child is coming to you and they're asking you questions, don't you think that's better than they going out trying new things that they don't know nothing about?? Or better yet, get "advice" from the most unexperienced person out here?? That's why in Washington, DC we have the highest rate of HIV cases in the area because they don't know. They don't know how serious it is until they get caught up. They don't know how crazy people are until they're lied to. They don't know that they're not stronger than that virus. HIV does not discriminate!!!! It doesn't care what color or culture you are. It doesn't care how old you are or what plans you have. It doesn't care if you live or die!!! It cares to thrive off your body for survival. So get a clue!!! Wrap it up and have sex only with those that you love and trust. Your body is much more than you will ever know. You're priceless and no one can take that from unless you allow them to. So be proud and love yourself more than the next person will!!!

TO FIND THE NEAREST HIV TESTING LOCATION, CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW

http://www.hivtest.org/

Wowzers!!!!!!!!!

I came across this website this morning and I just couldn't believe my eyes!!!!!! I wanted to share it with you all b/c I'm a firm believer of safe sex. So please be safe and if you're embarrassed or need help this is the website for you.....

http://www.InSPOT.org