Love?

What is a person's true definition of love? How do you know when you're in love with someone really? How is love expressed? Is love an emotion, a feel or an expression? How old or mature must you be in order to know what love is?


According to Webster's dictionary, love is "a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal tides; attraction based on sexual desire; affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests." But to me love starts with self. Self love is the greatest love of all time. How can you know where to start or how to love if you sure as hell can't love yourself. It took me years to discover the under lying love I have for myself. Growing up I have low self esteem. I was always the bigger girl in the class but smart. I had true friends that appreciated me for who I was but I never saw myself as such. Almost everyday when I was younger (even now) my father told me how beautiful I was (am), I would just smile and laugh. How did I know what love was?

My heart was first hurt and crushed at the age of 16 from my high school sweetheart. I loved that man all the way up to the current age of 30. For years we went back and forth and played with the thoughts of a future, children and marriage but it never happened. Last time I saw him, I looked into his eyes and fell right out of love with him. I first knew I was in love with him when I couldn't stand not looking into his eyes. His eyes told a story that had music in my head that I needed to hear. He had the most beautiful eyes a girl could fall in love with. Long eye lashes, light brown and deep. When he cheated on me in high school, I was crushed. I was walking around with a heavy burden on my shoulders and I didn't know how to shake it off. That was something I have never felt before him. It was only him who could change my feelings. That was my first time ever knowing how it feels to be love's fool. Now you may see that as "young love" but how is that so when many people have babies at that age, get married and stay together and make life time commitments. Granted a young girl's body isn't mature but her mind is. Love isn't complicated or complex, the people who say it or believe it makes it so.

Since my high school sweetheart, I've been in true love two other times. Each time I knew it was a deeper love than a like-love relationship. To me love is a combination of actions, emotions and commitment. I don't play around with that word unless I really mean it. When I love, I love hard and long. I'm committed to let that person know each and every day that I love them and I want them to see and feel that. Love is something that is felt and unconditional. I can't put restrictions how I should show that love. Love is affection expressed through actions and words. You can tell a person how much you love them until you show it. Love is having no doubt, fears or expectations. Love is not being able to go one day without talking or seeing that person regardless of how you feel about them or that argument y'all had the other day. Love is standing by that person right or wrong, having dedication and faith that it'll work out no matter what. Most importantly, love is blind. Love is meant to be felt and appreciated not neglected.

It took me years to truly and appreciate love for who and what it is. It's still a very sensitive subject for me because I need the other person to know love to me is like marriage. Once you love someone, those feelings never go away. You can fall out of love with that person but an admiration will always be there. No matter who comes before or after you, love is respect. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic that believes in an unwritten language between two people but I only know how to read, write and speak it. One of these days God will bless me with a man whom reflects me. A true mirror of my reflection. Until then, my love is on reserve, hold, on lock down. Love is meant to be shown, which it will be one day again for me....

WHY AM I SINGLE...YOU ASK???: 10 Reasons WHY!

Before I start this blog post and someone ask me a this silly question, "Are you single?" The answer to that question is YES! I'm single by choice, now that's a HUGE difference. I can get into any relationship that so happens to come my way but I choose who I want to be with. If that person isn't meant to be with me, then for the sake of having someone isn't for me. I have too much pride for myself and my patience is too thin!! I'm not pressed to be someones "girl", I want to be someones wife!

Now a days a lot of people wonder why they're single though. Lets face this fact, the cards (statistics) isn't in our favor. With majority of the population in jail, don't want to commit, alternative lifestyles, mentally unstable and some say they gay/lesbian population went up (I'm not sure about that, so don't get on me), that leaves a lot of single and desperate people out here that has given up hope or just became comfortable being a "baby mama/daddy." Listed is just somethings that might hurt your hopes of finding a mate that will commit.....

1.} FUNKY APPEARANCE

       Appearance is the first thing and imprint that you leave with the person who sees you. How can you expect anyone to be attracted to you if you're clothes are falling off your body or better yet, they're too small for your frame? Baggy or skinny jeans aren't sexy either. I and many others don't want to see what color boxers you have on today or we don't want to wonder if your balls can breath while you walk. Give yourself some slack but not enough that'll hang you before you could even open your mouth to say hello.

2.} YOUR BREATH IS DEATH!
      Hygiene is a must in every relationship!!! Please whatever you do, make sure you take care of your mouth! You can have the most horrible teeth in the world but no one can say your breath is stinky if you make sure you brush your teeth, floss those gums and use mouth wash to back it all up.  If you don't have a tooth brush/paste available while you're out, mints and gum will be a great substitute until you can handle that. Don't have people believing you're a dream come true and your breath kills the dream!

3.} PRIORITIES
      What is one of the first things someone ask you when you go out on a date? "Tell me about yourself" is usually the question that first comes up. If you have a blank stare, avoid the question and/or don't know what you do or want to do with your life, you're going no where fast! It's the year of 2012 and everyone has a grind. What is yours? What do you want out of life? Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20 years? Do you have any goals that you want to accomplish besides becoming the next rapper, singer, producer or actor? What is your daily hustle? Stability is a must!!

4.} HOW ARE YOUR KIDS?
      Kids are a true blessing from God but if you treat them like a burden that pulls money out of your pocket, 9 times out of 10 that's a turn off! If you can't take care of your kids that you do currently have, how can you provide for your future seeds? Stop having 10 kids, 9 baby mothers or being baby mama #3 you wouldn't have no problems in the dating world. Whatever your previous issues with love and insecurities is the past, what are you trying to do to better your future??


5.} WANNA GO DUTCH?
      How can you say you want to go out and date, meet new people or have a good time if you're looking at the menu like you're ready to run as soon as the waiter ask if you're ready to order. A lot of times, people are stuck on trying to make a great first impression that they forget the truth. If you're broke and you can't afford anyone, then tell them that or wait until you have the funds to do so. If they like you then they'll stay and work with you. Not every date requires money also. But don't get there and expect the person to pay for their side of the bill unless yall made that agreement ahead of time.

6.} SORRY, I'M GOING TO GO KICK IT WITH CRAIG AND 'EM, SEE YA WHEN I SEE YA!
      If you're doing "you", enjoying life, not ready to settle down or no one peaks your interest, then stay single! Live a single life!! If you come across someone like that, then don't touch them with a 10 foot pole! If you don't want a friends with benefits plan, keep it moving. You might be blocking your blessing to see who you're meant to be with.

7.} ASS, ASS, ASS!
     Sex is complicated, not the people. Sex changes the whole dynamics of a relationship. If you're selling sex in your clothes, your conversation or pictures, that's how people is going to treat you. You will keep attracting the wrong people. But put yourself in a place where you'll meet people of your caliber and interests. Take a walk at the park, go to cultured events, go to church, speed date, something! But stop going to the clubs and bars thinking you're going to be meet Mr./Mrs. Right.

8.} GOT A CLEAN HOUSE?
      Believe it or not but how you keep your house and car is how your personality is. What is around you is a reflectance of what type of person you are. Profilers can tell  your whole life based on how you clean, how you fold your clothes, if you up keep your car with the latest oil change, if you keep your car clean and smelling good. No one want to go to your house after a romantic evening and see clothes everywhere, rings around the toilet and the bath tub, and bugs running around! That turns the anyone off quick!

9.} LIES! LIARS! FAIRY TALES!
      Why lie about simple stuff? Unless you've been trained by the government to be an international spy or assassin, your lies will catch up with you! You'll make yourself look like the biggest fool and you'll keep finding yourself in the single category.

10.} THE LIST OF STANDARDS
        EPIC FAIL! Everyone has a fairy tale list of what they think their mate should have and look like but if that list is constantly being used during the dates and none of the qualities aren't being checked off, maybe you're being too stuck up. I'm not saying that you can't have standards because I do myself  but don't block a possible relationship just because he's a divorced janitor with one child when you want a NFL player with no kids and a $35 million contract. HAVE MANY SEATS! You will be tested daily to see if you choose wisely. Not every big booty girl is going to be faithful. Yes she's a stripper at the club to pay for college but some do have sex for dollars. We're not made to be perfect so why are you looking for the perfect person? Be fair and reasonable.

GOOD WILL HUNTING!

First Date Top 10 Tips!!!!

A first date is always a nerve racking situation but if you stay calm, look your best and act normal all should go well. But since many people rarely go on dates now a days, a lot of people don't know how to act. Over the years, I have learned the do's and don'ts to dating through my own or other people's experiences.
Here's my top ten first date tips......

Tip #1
Be prepared for your time:
A lot people don't understand that it's some prep work before a first date. So you have to allow yourself enough time to get home to change/bathe/apply make up/etc, get to the location and get there on time...

Tip #2
Get to your date early:
You want to get there early because maybe it's a spot you've never been before so you need to check out the surroundings. Maybe they don't have valet, you need to take the train to the location, find parking, traffic, etc. You don't want to have your date waiting. Nor do you want to be so frustrated by all the unplanned events before your date.

Tip #3
Greet your date properly:
Depending on you all status or what you'll allow, greet your date accordingly. Since it's the first date in this situation, you may want to give a person a handshake or hug. Something like a kiss off the break sends signals that you want something else. So be careful how you greet that person.

Tip #4
Depending on your status is how you interact with you date:
Don't allow a person to reach over and try to grab your privates while you all are out or even in the car. A woman should act like a lady and a man should act like a perfect gentleman. There shouldn't be any unnecessary touching in any form. If the guy want to touch your knee during the movie or you want to interlock arms also, depending how you feel, it's all up to you. Remember a man will treat you the way you allow him to.

Tip #5
Stop flirting so much!!!:
It's cute to let a person know that you really digging them and want to show them in all ways possible that you're physically attracted to them but when all clothes are on, you really need to get to know this person. Get to the bottom of things. Ask questions pertaining to their goals, family, friends, experiences, children, career,etc. Get to know the person, not what they can do for you.

Tip #6
Allow a man to be a man!:
This is hard for a lot "independent" women now a days but let the man to lead the date. I'm not saying allow him to lead you right to his house, NO! I'm saying stop telling the man what you want and what you all are going to do. You make that man feel like he's out with a controlling woman and loose interest. Allow him to ask you what you want to do next and where do you feel comfortable going. But stop being so "independent", that's why your butt is single! LOL

Tip #7
Do NOT GET DRUNK ON YOUR FIRST DATE!!:
This is so sad that I have to insert this tip but boy oh boy I tell ya, a lot of people get out here and show their ass because they don't know how to act. The feel as though the alcoholic beverage is going to "calm their nerves" but really it shows your ass! You need a sober and clear mind to make the right decisions, to enjoy the date and for the date to really enjoy you. No person want the first impression to be that they either can handle their drink or they're an alcoholic.

Tip #8
Body Language is everything during a date!!:
A person can tell if you're really diggin them or you're clearly not interested based on your body language. Your body shows a person how much you're enjoying the conversation by the raise of the eyebrows, the lean in of the body, the gentle touch on the hand, the look up from a drink, a smile, laughterand a gentle tap. All those there tell a person that they can pursue you further or simply end the date early. Remember not all people like to be touched though.

Tip #9
Fellas, for the first date pay for the meal:
It's very traditional for a man to pay for a meal. Women was raised to let a man spoil you and show you much they appreciate you and this goes hand and hand with a first date. Not saying that you have to go all out and splurge on this woman but show her that you're not cheap and you have no problem paying for activities of the first date.

Tip #10
End the date properly:
This is the nervous part of the date....to kiss or not to kiss?? This is simply all up to you! I can not answer this question for you. Again this depends on your status, your body language, and how you want to end the date. So choose wisely, don't end up in no one's bed...you may not get to see what the future holds.

SO GET OUT AND DATE!!!

It's a Thin Line Between Love and Hate

We all have had a friend whom we adored from afar but not many people cross that line of friendship to a relationship. Sometimes you meet people who you initially wanted to move into a relationship but ended up as just a friend.  But then sometimes you can eventually love a person for who they are so much that you actually fall in love with them. What a lot of people fail to realize is that a friendship to a relationship is a thin line between love and hate. I can speak about this because I have been in that situation.

My twelfth grade year I fell in "like" with my childhood friend. We have been friends since the seventh grade and I confided in my good friend that I was really falling for our mutual friend. Mike was the type of person that was loud, funny, basically the class clown. He was someone that you either loved or hate. But weirdly I feel in love with his funny ways. So when I told my friend that I was really feeling him, she took it upon herself to make it her mission to tell our friend that I had a huge crush on him. Our relationship started off something like this..."Jamale you like Mike right? (Yes) OK Mike you like Jamale right? (Yes) OK great, yall go ahead and call each other later and talk things out." Mike and I both looked at each other, smiled, hugged and agreed to speak later on the phone.

Our relationship started off a little weird. Here it is, one of my best male friends is now my BOYFRIEND! Wow that was a bit much for a young girl to handle. But needless to say, I handled myself quite well. Anyway, as time went on, Mike and I were inseparable. We did everything together and all our friends thought we were a great match. My friend who "hooked" us up took her bragging rights to the hallways every time she saw us together since all our lockers were in the same row. But our relationship came to an abrupt end when Mike broke up with me on my apartment steps, one month before my departure to college. I lost my breath as this man gave me some BS reason why he didn't want to continue our relationship.  I lost myself in his words, zone out and told myself to hold my tears until I got into the house. I immediately got up from the steps and headed the house after he finished his well prepared speech and slammed the door. I called my friend and broke down crying. I hated him for how he made me feel.

After that relationship I vowed that I will NEVER date one of my close guy friends again. Little did I know that the roles will be switched some years later. While in high school, I met this guy my tenth grade year that really liked me but he was later the person who feel in deeply in love with me. What stopped us from being more than friends in high school was my then boyfriend. I was dating my then boyfriend for a year and was very faithful to him. So I wasn't going to go outside our relationship and cheat on him. So my friend stayed by my side for years, waiting on the side lines, waiting for his chance to get into the game. But I allowed so many other players to enter the game while he rode the bench. Now this isn't done on purpose, I just fell in love with my friend as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. It hurt me over the years that he was hurt but then again I can't help but the way I feel. I have played with the thought of us being together but never really ventured into the red zone of a relationship.

Some people can consider me to be selfish (including my male friend) but I see myself as a very smart woman. I am not going to conform to be someone that I am not. I love all my friends for who they are and what they provide to me, love. But I can't love beyond my means. That's right ladies and gentlemen, you sometimes can love beyond your means. Love should be unconditional and endless, never with restraints. As the years progress, my friends patience was thinning. I wanted to hang out, chill, be my true self around him and love him for who he is but he saw me as his potential woman. I can't count how many times we stopped talking, got into arguments and copped attitudes over the lack of a relationships that we have. I wanted a friendship, he saw me as his perfect girlfriend. As a result of this challenge, my friend and I aren't speaking. I need my space to worry about me, not him hounding me for an answer. Or throwing mixed emotions my way.

Love is defined as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. While on the other hand, hate is defined as to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility. I have at one point in time in my life I have experienced both emotions. I can't say that I hate anyone right now but I can say I hate love sometimes. Love doesn't play fair. Love is blind. Love don't always have a true label. Love sometimes isn't my true friend. Love is so difficult on so many levels hence why now I'm on a roller coaster with it. But I write this blog to give you a heads up. Really think about your true feelings you have for that friend. I have learned from that past relationship now to my current friendship. I have learned that love is sacred and precious. You can't take it for granted for one moment of lust. There really is a thin line between love and hate. Within the same sentence, how many times have you have heard so many people say, " damn I really loved him/her but now I hate that MF'er with a passion because...." Love/Hate is an emotion that can be interchangeable. Therefore, think twice before you cross that line.... 

Food, Sports, Sex and Video Games:The Way to a Man's Heart

I grew up with two brothers, a father and a bunch of uncles but men are still difficult to understand. No matter how much you try to dissect, break apart, or even relate to men, they are a totally different species from women. Now don't get me wrong, they're not stupid nor disconnected from the world, they're just wired a little differently from women.

As I matured, my understanding of men have also. I can say from my experiences from previous relationships, long talks with friends and family and awkward conversations with my father, I can state an opinion about men. They simply want a woman who are semi-understandable to their needs and wants along with some space. Men truly want a feminine woman who can act like "one of the boys", that don't trip about the simple matters of the world, that can watch the game, give great sex, cook and appreciate them for who they really are. It's that simple right? WRONG! Women have a different temperament from men. We love to cuddle, kiss, hug, are attention whores, love to shop, adore typical date movies, romantic evenings long walks and breakfast in bed; the complete opposite. Now not all women are like that, as a matter of fact I'm not a smothering woman because I too love my "space" too. But I know when to become that "attention whore" when I feel neglected.

Men now a days are mostly about money, sex, music, clothes, cars, hoes and video games. This is the harsh reality these days that us "hopeless romantics" have to face. The chivalrous man hardly exists today. We're now faced with more thugs, homosexuals, aspiring *fill in the blank* and lazy men than we had some 30 years ago. But we do still have a majority of men who are the opposite to those negative attributes but they have the damnest time finding a reasonable mate. Why you ask??? Women are now too into themselves and their own feelings, their wants and needs that they don't ask their men, mates, jump offs, "friends with benefits", husbands and fiance's what they need nor want. I can say, us women have become selfish, self suffient and self absorbed.

Men sometimes are the sole bread winner, while the women either sit at home and take care of the kids, spend up all their money and/or watch Maury's "3 Babies, 1 Father, Paternity Result" shows all day. When they come home to wind down, drink a beer, wine or liquor, the last thing they want to hear is our complaints, ideas and problems. Majority of the time, they want to zone out, eat, play video games, surf the net, commit to their hobbies, play with the kids, get some sex and go to sleep. Now that's real talk! I'm not saying that us women need to stand back and let our men simply walk over us, abuse/use us nor ignore us. I'm saying, ask your man how his day was, ask him if he's hungry, allow the kids to give daddy some time to breathe, rub his feet, his back, kiss him, hug him, simply show him how much he's been missed and loved. A man's ego loves to be stroke along with his manly counterparts. (I'm just saying, lol)

A man is going to be a man regardless if he has you or not. Therefore, incorporate yourself into his lifestyle, his hobbies and his friends. You'll never know how much you'll like what he's doing until you try it. If the man plays football, golf, basketball, soft ball, soccer, etc., see how you can support him and his team. Become a cheerleader, wear his number, have a bake sale, host monthly parties for the team, and/or buy him some new equipment. A man wants to know and see that you're there to support him in whatever he do. If not, there is room to creep and lie. You don't want that! Remember what you won't do, another woman will do but better.

Allow a man to have a reasonable time, day and hours to zone out in his own world as long as yall have an understanding of the rule and restrictions you all have agreed upon. If you know your man loves to come home play video games till dinner is ready, allow him to so. But after dinner you know you want some attention, demand that. A man is going to do whatever you allow him to do. That's something that my own father has told me on numerous occasions. If you all have a family, a MAN while make time for both his wife/kids and hobbies; he will be flexible. But a woman have to be more flexible, why? Because God has made us this way. We are the glue that holds a lot of things together.

Lastly, a man loves food and sex. Those two things are miserably hard for him not to have. Therefore, DO NOT DENY ANY MAN FOOD NOR SEX! This is just a road destined for failure especially if you all are married. Don't go to bed mad with your spouse but talk things out, agree to disagree, kiss and go to sleep in the same bed. This is important because this is what makes a marriage works. I am NOT married nor am I an expert but I know common sense when I see it. Again, I have learned a lot from my brothers, father, uncles and guy friends and family members. I do not take for granted the knowledge that they passed down to me. I'm simply expressing my thoughts because I have repeatedly been considered the "it" girl around men.

They've come to me and explained to me how I have a glow about myself, complimented me on how I carry myself in conversations and situations. They have asked me numerous amount of times, "Jamale why are you so cool?" I can't answer that question seriously because to some men I'm one way and to others I'm the best. I simply carry myself as myself. I don't fake nor do I cover up who I really am. I was raised around men. Men who know who and what they want. I was raised around men who played sports (my father and younger brother played football while my older brother played basketball). I sat there quiet for years watching games but then I started asking questions about the game, calling out plays, fouls, flags, etc. I don't know the whole game like a pro but I'm better than plenty of my female counterparts. I played video games with my brothers and watched them play it for hours while helping them out with ideas of how to beat their games. I observe, I'm very attentive, I'm open minded. Hence why I'm not like other females. I've learned men are just as complicated, complexed and fragile just like use females are. They desire, hurt, cry, get excited and are determined for the same things as we are, they just show it differently. Consequently, break out that nutshell and free your mind, fore your ass will follow!

A heartless man

I can honestly say I've met my share of men. Some overwhelming, mean, rude, heartless, loving, caring, hopeless, etc. But nothing has prepared me for what I went through recently.....

I've have given a lot of thought to my upcoming relationships. I never want to be what I use to be. Cold and distant. I've missed my chance at love because of that once but never again I promised myself. I know underneath all that thick layer of skin, I'm a very loving and carefree person. Once I let my guard down, they do get to see that. But they always take that for granted. I thought that maybe if I give my heart another chance, I wont be blocking my upcoming blessings.

I've decided to share my intimate feelings about a man whom I've been wanting for a long time. I watched and waiting for this man for months. I did my research, made sure no one else was trying to take the bait and let things flow. I didn't want to seem desperate or crazy so good things come to those who wait. I waited patiently, dying to tell him how I really feel. I finally gotten my chance months ago. I spilled this man, my deep feelings. Everything that I been replaying in my mind, over and over again. I finally got it out! I felt relived once he knew the truth. At first he was taken back but flattered. Afterwards, we were inseparable. I had finally gotten the chance to selfishly have him for myself.

We of course like any other "couple" who first start to get to know each other, have their spats. No serious arguments but I never understood why this man never gave me information, simple information. It wasn't like I was trying to hack into his account and take all his money, have his baby and take over his life. I was intrigued about this man. I like older men and he was perfect. Little did I know this man was a lie. He was a secret which I felt wasn't right but I kept telling myself that I'm fine. Everything will work out in the end. I was lying to myself and God. It's amazing how God place people, places and things in your view to stop you from making the same mistake but I wanted to be hard headed. I put myself out there, mind, body and soul. Without hesitation, I always made myself "available." I was mentally setting aside time to spend with him but he wasn't doing the same. I gave without wanting anything in return. I loved unconditionally.

He hurt me really bad. To my soul. My core. He accused me of lying to him and I didn't. We never crossed that threshold of becoming one, boyfriend/girlfriend but he treated me as such and so did I. I wanted him so long, why would I bother with anything else? He completely cut me out of his life within a matter of hours. Deleted me like I meant nothing to him. Stated that I lied for no reason and I knew the real reason why he didn't want to talk to me anymore. I was crushed, clueless. How can you tell a person goodbye and don't explain to them why you don't want them anymore? I didn't just loose a lover but I lost a friend. I enjoyed his company, his masculinity, his jokes, smile, his stories. I was smitten in can say. But he didn't feel the same.

I can honestly say I don't know why we fell apart. He took my heart stomped on it, let it bleed and laughed in my face. He was someone I didn't really know. I thought this was a man who was ready to love but I was wrong. He clearly has some emotional/trust issues that I can not help him with. What he needs to do before he allows anyone else in his life is to understand true communication, definition of love and sacrifice. Those three things that he doesn't possess right now. I do and always will love the man whom I kept close to me. He was my secret, my prize, my trophy. It hurts but I rather had that experience then never. I learn from each and every experience. I prepares me for each battle that I conquer. In the past I would have said "fuck love" but I'm saying I'm ready to love again. I'm not letting that "baggage" affect my future. God blessed me by hurting me. It'll hurt for a little bit but it'll feel so much better once the storm is over.

"Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a teardrop." Anonymous

The "Sexy" Smoker

I titled this blog post "sexy smoker" because of a discussion I had with a male coworker of mines. I stated to him and his supervisor at work that I dated a smoker before and preferably not again. After them asking why I explained to them that whenever I kissed that guy I tasted the nicotine! I could have went home and brushed my teeth, woke up the next morning and still taste the cigarette!

My coworker whom I call "Superstar", said Megan Good smokes and he'll date her any day regardless of her bad smoking habit. That's something that I didn't understand. How can you look past that bad habit? Superstar said "because its MEGAN GOOD JAMALE!!!" Yea that's all fine and dandy but you have to look at how she'll look like in 5-10 years.

A lot of people look past this bad habit because its become accepted greatly in our community. I'm not going to lie, I have tried a cigarette when I was in the 7th grade. We all looked up to those "cool kids" growing up and saw that they were doing it, so it must have been ok, right? WRONG!!! From that first puff, I felt my lungs overwhelmed with smoke and I immediately started coughing. Soon after that I also was diagnosed with asthma so I knew my "smoking days" was over!

I was trying to explain to Superstar that even though Megan Good looks nice now, her habits don't! Superstar's supervisor stated that he dated a girl whom had smoked. He didn't mind it in the beginning but then later into the relationship he noticed that if she didn't get that cig, she would be a complete BITCH! I shook my head in agreement. I have family members whom smoked since the rip ages of 11-15 and now well in their 70's. I have noticed if they don't get that cigarette, they have the worse attitude and headache until they get that cigarette.

Have you ever noticed that when the smokers go outside during a break how relived/happy they are once that cigarette is lightened and smoke is inhaled? That's what kills me. That one little cancer stick give you that much joy? Why can't people just get high off life? Enjoy what God has placed here on Earth for them naturally. I never want to be looked at sideways because of a heavy addiction such as smoking. To me, women who smokes disgust me. No offense but how can you claim that to be cute?

Beauty is something that we're blessed with when we're born. Beauty isn't something that is seen physically but also something that is shown in our personality. So how can you kiss/love someone whom loves that addiction more than you? Superstar said he had the affect to ask Megan Good to quit that addiction if he wanted her to. I laughed and gave him and example. What if she got pregnant and she was still smoking? Superstar and his supervisor stated that she wouldn't do that. They believed that a woman would stop because of their motherly instinct will kick in and they would stop.

What a lot of people fall to understand is that a lot of women really don't stop. Their addiction is that strong that they can't find the strength to stop. Even though a child will be a good reason to do so, they can not find the will power to accept that challenge. They didn't believe me. Superstar wanted stats and facts. He wanted me to name some people that I know who didn't stop smoking once they became pregnant. I politely named three people. Now that's only three people I know but there are a lot more women that do smoke while with child.

This whole conversation goes back to my original point, smoking isn't sexy! The nicotine companies make it seem its the coolest thing to do but its really not. Millions of people die everyday people of cancers due to cigarettes. So why decrease your life span? Megan Good won't always look that way. Cigarettes is slowly pulling the life out of her just like any other person who smokes. I'm not picking just on Megan Good, she was just an example that Superstar put forth. But she's a great example of how people would put beauty over their normal standards/expectations. We get wrapped up, relaxed and care free about someone whom we want so bad that we forget what we need.

Now ask yourself if you don't smoke, would date a smoker just because they're everything that you want and more? *think about the consequences*
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Video

When I first saw this def poetry video, I cried! I know alot of you probably thinking I'm crazy as hell but I'm dead serious! I felt the same pain and spoke the same words as her. I haven't seen this video in years but it came to my mind to go find it on YouTube so I wanted to share this with you all. This video is dedicated to all those who have loved and lost! Enjoy!

When YOU should Let Go of an Ex!!!!!

We all, regardless of sex, have gone down that lonely road of revisiting the thought of an ex boyfriend/girlfriend. For some of us it works out perfect and for others it can be quite a learning experience. Like many bloggers, I want to share my experience and lessons learned from revisiting that terrible road of MISSING AN EX.

So there was this guy that we'll name "Mark." Mark was a high school sweetheart of mines. Someone whom I would have done anything for. I would have "cut a bitch" over him, ride or die, and even layed down and had his kids. (Woooooaaahhh, deep I know! LOL) But the point is, I love that man. I love that man even when everyone wanted him for all that he could offer them. You see he was a start athlete, a man of many jokes, dressed fly as hell and all the girls wanted him. BUT he wanted me! We had this attraction towards one another that no one could break apart. I was taken back how much this man loved me in high school but I loved every minute of it. After high school, I ventured out to college. At my university, it was a "handful" of African Americans because I went to a majority white school. But that didn't stop me from taking trips home to explore the company of other men. Can you believe at one point in time I was boy crazy??? Funny huh?((DISCLAIMER: I WAS FAR FROM A HO!!!)) But that's what most young, attractive girls do when they go off to college. I've met so many different types of men and from each of them they were a lesson learned but I always seemed to run back to Mark.

We always met back on common ground, LOVE. We knew we loved each other but sometimes because of our age and maturity we couldn't really get too serious to express our real feelings. He was getting pretty serious about me my last semester at college. So serious to the point that this man proposed to me. That was a huge shock for me because for one it was in front of my mother and for two he was actually very serious about wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. That to me is a serious commitment and I adored him but I was too young (21) to really take this man serious and I wasn't ready to officially become Mrs. (fill in the blank). Hell at the ripe age of 21, I was just understanding me and learning to really love me and other people but I knew I loved him. We soon broke apart to eventually come back together 2 years later. Again at that time I wasn't really ready to accept his "seriousness" about me because I had too much on my plate. I was really stressing! I had my own apartment, bills out the waaaaa zoo, student loans and working three jobs! How can I really take this man into my life if I'm dealing with a million and one things at that time. Need less to say, we broke apart. But this time it was all my fault. I pushed away a man whom I took for granted. I believed that he was coming back and I had no worries, I'll see him next year. Well hell, little did I know this man wasn't coming back.



The following year, I was hurt! I literally dropped to my knees and prayed to God. I prayed that this man will be allowed to be back into my life because I know out of all the men I've ever been with, loved or wrote about, he actually loved ME. It was some sad, sad days to come after those many prayers. I really did believe that that was my husband, the man of my dreams, my knight in shinning armor. Little did I know. It actually took me three years to find out the truth. Thankfully for the Internet, I found my high school sweetheart. I was ecstatic to see his face again. I nearly cried because I prayed for him for three years and there he was. So looooooong story short, we started talking again. We agreed to take things slow and allow us to get to know the adults that we have become. That was excellent until the "Mr.Hyde " side of him came out. This man was acting really weird to the point I was questioning my prayer for him. He actually became this man whom I've never know before. Mark became this man that loved differently. He wasn't affectionate, delicate, loving or concerned. He actually became a loner, mean, nonchalant, a PLAIN ASSHOLE! He took my love, admiration and compassion as me being pressed for him, smothering him or rushing him into some feelings.



I was a little lost and confused? What happened to this man in between the years that we've been apart? Was it the ex's in between? Was it the last impression he had of me in my youthful days? Or was he really running from commitment? I was crushed; nearly devastated when he told me that I was nagging him!!! WTF how the hell am I doing that if I'm deeply, truly concerned for your loner ass? Now let me get this straight.....I'm not one of those women who'll blow your phone up, leaving messages or pressed to come over your house. I'm a very simple person. I keep to myself until I want to let anyone into my space. If I'm feeling any gentleman I want to enjoy his time, masculinity, and his thoughts. I actually enjoy the everything about that person but I'm far from being pressed for any man so when he said that I immediately fell down into this dark place. I was back at square one of loosing someone whom I thought I loved. Little did I know that the man that I once loved isn't that person anymore. He's not that man that once loved me more than I loved myself. He's some alien, a stranger, a ghost, a pure memory.........



It hurts deeply because I thought I found that knight that came to save me again. That man whom I was ready to change my last name for eventually. The love of my life. ALL WRONG! I prayed and prayed only to be let down but in reality I wasn't. It took me the following week to realize that God brought this man back in my life so I can stop praying for something that doesn't exist anymore. He was once a lover, a dream that shouldn't be renewed. At this point in time I felt like a big dummy that didn't take their own advice, "never go backwards, always press forward."

But don't take my meekness for weakness!

What's your type Ma?

When some of my friends or women that hardly know me ask me what type of men I like, I simply reply that I don't have one. A lot of people think I'm lying about something as simple as my type of men I like but to be honest, I have never put the much emphasis on my "typical" man I would talk to.

All my life, I always dated or been with men that are beautiful in their own way, never no one whom you couldn't say was cute. I'm not trying to sound vain but I do need something nice to look at. :-). When I try to show some of my female friends the type of men I dated, they can't believe how different my range of men have been. I've mostly only dated black men but I have dated Spanish men before also. All of them touch me in one way or another. But what really amuses me is that when I show some of those men I talked to before, some of the women ask "Girl, where did you meet him at" or "Damn." But the way they say it, is like they can't believe how a "girl like me" can manage to cop a man like that. See women like that I have to clearly stay away from.

Those type of women are what you clearly consider a HATER. They will try to either get with his closest friend or sadly your man. Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with such fuckery. I manage to gain men based on being just me, Jamale! A lot of women don't look past the physical because we're always trying to compare ourselves to the next chick. I was guilty at one point in time doing the same thing. You'll see one sexy specimen of a man and wonder what the hell does he see in that fooly wolfgang woman of his. WOMEN STOP THIS THINKING! We have to be open minded enough to understand that man see something beautiful or special in that woman. Especially if he has children with her. I know I especially had to stop that thinking because maybe that's how other women was looking at me with those men. I am far from perfect but I do deserve to be happy with my man!!!

Back at the point at hand, my range of men vary. I've dated light skin, red bone, mixed, true black/blue, brown, caramel complexed men. Tall or short. Pretty teeth or crooked as a crook teeth. Or even the chubby ones. I believe you should really enjoy a great personality! That's what all my men had in common, a personality. The physical attribute is always a plus but that isn't the number one key characteristic that you need to rely on. All the men I've dated made me laugh, smile and feel special.

A woman wants to of course feel special, comfortable, and most importantly wanted. Even if I didn't get all those in one, I did enjoy it while it lasted regardless of the outcome. Every situation and relationship is a lesson learned. Trust me I've learned A LOT plus I'm still learning.

Now don't get me wrong, there are some physical attributes that I find sexy as hell! Such as pretty teeth, a wonderful smile, bedroom eyes, height, MUSCLES, tattoos and hygiene. But sometimes those things aren't always in that package that I received but I accept NO EXCEPTIONS for hygiene!!! I refused to date a nasty ass man!!! LOL. Boys will be boys but boo I NEED A MAN! So with all this being said, I'm officially saying I love them all. Sexiness come in all races and personalities!!

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Dating 101

A subject that a lot of people neglect is Dating. A lot of people date, enjoy dating or dread it like the plague. See for me, I'm a lilttle bit of all three. I enjoy getting to know someone; acknowledging and understanding their likes and dislikes. I love all the things that you can possilbily learn about a person over time but then again if they're a phony I HATE IT! I've been out of a relationship now since 2005 and all not by choice. When I do start talking to a guy that I find interesting, they find it strange how I've been out of a relationship for so long. I have to go through this long drawn up conversation about how my last ex "F'ed" me over and men now a days are just plain stupid. Of course them being the men they are, they'll sometimes take the guys' side. Thats respectable but not always right in my book. I have no baggage or hatered towards anyone so all that b-s they say doesn't really phase me. I've been through a lot in those past three years. And I'm still learning as the years progress.

Me personally, I believe you can tell a lot about how a person act and react to situations. You know how people say first impressions are everything, well they're telling the truth! People pay close attention how the opposite sex's behavior and their patterns. This is key when starting to date someone. I wanted to share some of my thoughts and experiences over the years since my last "boyfriend" so guys and girls will have an understanding of what's right and what's plain wrong......

A couple of months ago, I started reading the Steve Harvey's Act like a Lady, Think like a Man book. I found it to be quite interesting. Some of the material I already knew becuase A.) my brothers already taught me or B.) you learn from experience. But some of the key points that really interested me was a man's purpose, don't hold the "cookie" back from your man, support and love your man regardless of income and status, pay attention to titles that he introduce you as, pay attention to details, don't let a man rule you (you're in control) and lastly play the game like them but be a lady at all times. Those are just some key points that caught my eye. It's more details within those subjects but you will just have to read the book to understand the depth of it all. But to me Steve Harvey didn't point out all the details about relationships. I feel as though if he would have teamed up with maybe his wife, he would have had a more equally sexed book. (Thats just my opinion). Like I stated before, there are a lot of experiences and things I've been through or seen that changed my way of thinking tremediously!!!!

In 2005, after my last boyfriend, I found myself in a deep hole that I seem to have fallen in. I was scratching my way out but I really couldn't see the light. I was staying in the house, slowly making myself depressed. Now many of you all might say, "girl he's was just another fish in the sea" but our relationship was sooo much more. I will spare the details of that relationship but I became very depressed. I felt as though I've lost my friend, lover, husband and most importantly a piece of me. A little while later, I moved out to my own apartment. I was really single, sexy, free and on a prowl. I had friends by the many who was willing to go out with me anytime to any club, all while enjoying our early twenties. While in my apartment, I started talking back to my high school sweetheart. I LOVED this man to death! He proposed to me Jan. 2005 but I felt as though he wasnt ready. Now that we were "grown" I felt as though, I should give him another try.

*Lesson # 1*: Never go back, keep going forward because you never know who you could be missing in your future blessings.

I should have known not to mess with this man. He was a constant liar, a theif and a a show off. He always wanted to show me what he could possibily "give me if I needed it." But I was set, I never needed a man for anything. I cared for him deeply but in the long run, I was sadden by one thing........THE SEX! Yes I said it, the sex sucked sooooooooo bad. I could have cried because I dont know what happened from high school till then?????? Sorry but you can't move on in a relationship if he can't enjoy and "last" through the whole moment......

*Lesson #2*: No matter how much the person is "perfect" if you're not satisfied physically or emotionally, leave them alone!!!!

An old ex of mines came back into the picutre a little while after my high school sweetheart. Now this ex has always been a friend of mines so I never had any problems keeping in touch with him. Our chemistry was off the hook! He made me laugh all the time, truly nice when he wanted to be, sexy in a different kind of way and he made me soooo comfortable. But he had serious commintment issues. At that point in time, he was really feeling me BUT he wanted to get his buisness off the ground. I had to fall back and understand, this man has some goals that he need to accomplish before he incorparate into my life. As time goes on, we have problems here and there like any "couple" but once I moved out of my apartment, he changed. He was mean as hell, selfish and inconsiderate. I just couldn't believe how this beautiful man could change like this???

*Lesson #3*: Let people go when they're not treating you right. You deserve much better!!!

He told me how he saw me as being his wife, he wanted us to eventually move in together and raise our family all within the next three years. He told me he wanted to go give him until 2009 and he'll be ready for me and ready to give me all that I wanted and needed. In 2008, I changed my whole attitude! I fell back from clubs, alcohol, men and toxic people. He was one of those 'toxic people" but because of our freindship, I told him we could still be friends but he had the audactiy to tell me in October 2008, that if we can't talk or have sex then he has nothiing much to talk to me about *WOW* Now that was crazy to me!!! How can he do this me? So I polietly told him don't ever call me no more and hung up on him. What's so funny, he's been blowing my phone up since then but what's really funny, he called me just as recenlty as last week to tell me he has a baby on the way. That news took me back. How can you run from a commintment of a girlfriend but fall for a commintment of a baby?? Now how can that make any sense???

*Lesson # 4*: If a person give you too many excuses for a relationship, they don't want it. Don't incorparate anyone into your life emotionally or sexually until you're actually ready for the consequences.

*Lesson #5*: Always follow your gut feeling because it's your sixth sense telling you to go the oppisite way

*Lesson # 6*: Whenever having sex, make sure you're using a condom or some type of birth control. A lot of people are having a baby due to the moment of forgetfullness.

*Lesson #7*: Women are emotional creatures so whenever you say you're "doing you" we take that as you're beening an ass at the time and you're eventually come around to the thought of a relationship with us. Dont get mad at us when we expect or give an ultimatium of a relationship with you. When you have sex with us, we allow you to come into us and take a piece of us along with you. WE CHOSE YOU AS OUR MATE! We incorpate our feelings with sex so we we're assuming that you're feeling us that much to have sex with us. You see it as SEX, we see it as a FUTRUE. Think about it!

This is just two examples of the madness that I've been through but I have more and more stories to tell about liars, cheats, *criminals* and commintment phobes. But from my previous blogs yall can see that I seem to only attrack the freaks and plain rude men. I dont know what it is about me but I believe this is just my test and time in my life where I have to wait it out until the Lord bless me with the near perfect man of my dreams. So I'll wait and count my blessings until then. **PATIENTLY WAITING**

Love Lost

Hello World,

As many as you all can tell, I've had my share of 808's and Heartbreaks from my previous poems that I've expressed to you all. That's just a tad bit of poetry that I have come to terms to express to the world. I have well over 200 poems that I have written through out my years. I use to get urges of deep thoughts that needed to be expressed through words. Hence the start of my poetry. My poetry like my spoken words have become my inner me, my soul, my deep dark conscience that keeps yelling from within. It's ultimately my shy, childish girl that wants to slowing grow up to become that woman of great dignity. But I'm afraid......

When I say I'm afraid, I mean I'm afraid of life's consequences. I've never been afraid of any man, woman or child but I'm afraid to love again. A lot of people fall in and out of love everyday, always carrying that baggage of what could have been. Basically the "what ifs." I too was once a victim of that plague of worrying of what "could have been" if only we still were. I'm tired of that all! I'm tired of worrying about the past, the present and sure as hell the future. I did in fact make a promise to myself a long time ago that when I love, I'm going to love hard. I want that person whom I adore to know that love them not just by saying it in words but by the kiss that I place on their lips. I want the intensity to be felt through the flesh that we both posse.

For years, I only frustrated myself because I felt as though I'm a "hopeless romantic", but why can't I have my cake and eat it too? Why can't I be fully happy with one person who truly adores, loves, cherish and loves only me?? Why is it so damn hard to find a decent man in this world??? I'm beyond frustrated, I'm pissed off! I wanted to question God for a moment but then I had to catch myself and calm down...... I had to relax and let my frustrations go and leave them at the alter, where I lay my burdens down. I had to talk it out with different friends, coworkers and my mother. I had to listen to sound advice and take it, not with a grain of salt. I actually listened......

Afterwards, in 2007, I found myself changing. My mentality was forming into something inhuman. Not lady like. I was carrying my attitude with such confidence like nothing faded me. I was "thinking" like a man and carrying myself like a lady. I had wanted what I wanted and did what I wanted. I truly thought that I'll eventually, hopefully fall in love but not as willing. I'll just play the game on repeat like any other man. In the long run, I got burned. My soul, body and especially mind was extremely exhausted. I played the game only to find myself loosing and letting the defeat slap me in my face, numerous times. I gave up, I gave in.

In 2008, I again made a promise to myself. Not let my flesh interfere with my thought process. I need a clear conscience if I'm going to "love again." Who the hell was I fooling? How can I ever see or feel love if no one is willing to love? I've come to the breaking point. As some people will call it my breakthrough. NO I didn't find love, in fact, I'm starting to believe that I won't. I've prayed and prayed and prayed. I asked God why and how can this happen? Why are some of my friends married, have boyfriends or even kids? When will my ounce of happiness come? I'm tired, I'm frustrated, I'm exhausted. It's like I've been stabbed by each lover in a different location of my body and I'm slowly bleeding out. Slowing internally dying....

I had a little talk with Jesus this month and I literally raised my head and voice to the high heavens and told him, I'M OFFICIALLY DONE WITH LOVE! When I say I meant it, I meant it! Why try to hold onto an idea of love when it seems as though it's never going to be given to me? To be so young, my heart is so old and over worked. I use to love, I use to love hard but my soul, heart and mind can't take another 808 and heartbreak.........I've lost hope in love.

*Hugs*

Hug: to clasp tightly in the arms, especially with affection; embrace.

Hugs are something so simple but meaningful. I'm pretty sure a lot of people take advantage and really don't care about hugs but when you further your thinking, you will see it's quite amazing! Hugs are ocassionally something that people do to say a friendly hello, nice meeting you, I miss you or nice seeing you again. But a hug can also mean other things such as damn I'm really attracted to you, this will be my only way to get closer to this person, I don't want to ever let you go or I miss the feeling of you/smell of you. Hugs are universal!

To me, hugs are what the defintion is, to clasp tightly in the arms, especially affection; embrace. When I hug someone I want them to know that I care for them, love them and truly want them to feel my love pour out my soul into theirs. For a long time my ex-boyfriend use to tell me when I kissed and huged him he could tell that I actually did love him by the way I kissed him so softly and deeply and huged him with such passion. I didn't understand what he was saying, I just thought he was trippin because he was in love but now I get it. I realized what he was talking about when I started hugging other people. I would get the fake "grandma" hugs with the pats on the back, that crap right there got me heated! If you have deep feelings, respect or admiration for that person you would take them into an embrace and show them how you feel. Don't hug a person like you don't want to be bothered or you just trying to tickle their fancy.

My best friend hugged me last week and gave me one of the worst hugs and I told him to get off me. I immediately pushed him away and told him if he's not going to hug me right then don't touch me at all! Yes people I was in my feelings! Right afterwards he did make it up to me by giving me a great "see you later" hug while we departed to our seperate residences. A hug can make a simple day great, a bad day amazily sweet and a shy person open up. It's the quick pick me upper that can settle any negative feelings if applied correctly. Sometimes when hugging it doesn't hurt to whisper in that person's ear and tell them how you really feel. Love them, take in that moment for it's a sec in time where you will implant that memory in your subconscience.

My point being is embrace with love and affection or don't hug at all!

Why NO Boyfriend pretty lady???

I get asked this question all the time...why I don't have a boyfriend? Ok leave me alone people!!! LOL Is is so hard to see a young lady alone and enjoying life to the fullest?? Let me stop! Yes I do love the company of a young fellow but and I stress but, I'm not jumping into another headache.

My ex said something to me some months ago. He stated that I'll be a great spouse and mother so what's taking me so long??? ERRRRR umm last time I checked, most women don't have the problem of commitment. Plus if I was such a great spouse and possibly mother then why the hell I'm not with you now then?? (Another blog one day) Back to the subject....I'm not blaming all this lack of commitment on men, but a man is the one who seems to be unhappy. Regardless if they're unhappy with the sex, appearance, attitude, situation, whatever. I'm not a hard person to please but most men I've met only thing with one brain. NO I'm not talking about the brain that's on their shoulders either. I'm saying the one that's hanging in between their legs. I was just telling an older co-worker today and I was telling him that older men are the worst! They come right out and say what they want. They have had or still have the wife and kids and now they just want a nice pretty young thing full of excitement. The younger guys my age will beat around the bush about it and try to be nice at first and then the green goblin speaks and you're like ERRR pump the brakes, what the hell did you just say??? Haha. I'm not dropping my drawers for nothing. Especially, since we haven't taken any tests yet. I might be young but I'm not dumb. Have you seen the HIV stats recently??? Ummm yea, it will scared anyone straight..LOL.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect to everyone. I'm just perfect the way God has made me. Some men appreciate a young BBW like me and truly find me attractive but they're not ready for the commitment because they're "doing them." They just want to focus on themselves, their career or money. Now I understand some people have to get themselves together before they can bring anyone else into their circle but how long do you plan to "doing you?" I'm truly confused what the hell that means still?? Let's just say you're not into a relationship right now and you're enjoying your little freedom that you have. But on the flip side what kills me is, they're enjoying their freedom but as soon as they find that girl they're really digging and she's too "good" to let go so you willing to settle down with her. What the hell?? Again let's just say you was not interested in me like that as you are with her. Please be honest. I don't like liars!!!!! ERRRRR

I'm on a different level right now. I'm happy with myself and what I can present to the table later. I have learned from relationships and still learning. I'm no body's fool and I don't plan on being a clown either in the near future. So to answer the 8th wonder of the world question, why I don't have a man....I'll have a man when he's ready for me to be incorporated into his world. When he's ready to commit fully, to be ready to love and be loved fully. When he's ready to stop playing games,telling lies to get by and to give that 100 percent into the relationship. NOT that 80/20 rule either. (If you don't know what that is, then watch Tyler Perry's movie, Why Did I get Married?) I related to the character that Jill Scott played. I've been in a relationship where, I figured if I changed something about myself then he'll appreciate that more. Regardless, if it's my hair, make-up, clothes, or attitude. I found myself hating him at the end but most importantly, mas as hell at myself. I will be loved one day but someone who Love's all of me. I will change on my own! Dam that if you think I'm pretty but not as pretty as that model or girl on the street. Well then you be with her!!! Life is too short for me to find myself through your personal downfall. I learn to love me for all I have and posse.
I'm a woman of little games and a lot of patience. So my time is precious and it's wasting....

Just too GOOD to be True

I'm extremely tired from last night's football game, Redskins VS. Cowboys. I'm happy that my boys Redskins have won!!!! Ok I'm not going to rub it in nobody's face. Hail to the Redskins!!!

Ok back to business....Over this past week I've came across the most dumbest thing I've ever heard. A good friend of mine's broke up with his girlfriend because she was too good for him so he believed he didn't deserve her. His ex-girlfriend told me he didn't feel that "spark" like he did with anyone else. Now let me pause there. Here is a man who's ex's treated him like crap. He was the one in the past that put everything in the relationship and got nothing out of it but a heartache and a big headache. So when he met this girl who had everything, she was that women he was looking for. She's smart, balanced, community oriented and very down to earth but she was too good for him or just too perfect? Now that's crazy how he can come to a conclusion that he wants the "perfect" woman for him and he gets it and he doesn't know what to do with her.

Now this example is not an uncommon thing to hear. I've been in the situation before. I had a boyfriend that was ready to give me to the world but I wasn't ready for what he was giving me. I was use to the arguments and headaches from him earlier in our relationship. We broke up on and off for years until finally winter 2005 he was ready to marry me. At that point in time I was ready to graduate from college in the spring and find a job ASAP. I was young, dump and stupid. I had a man that was ready to leave everything and start a life with me. I can see now that I wasn't ready for that blessing and it'll come to me when I'm ready. When my friends asked me why I broke it off with him, I stated he was too nice. haha..I can laugh at that now because I was use to what my ex's use to be. I was use to the men who didn't call and when they did call, they didn't give me details about why they didn't call me nor why so long. Also I was use to men disrespecting me and not giving me the love that I need. Luckily over years and experience, I've come to realize my worth and how much love and respect I NEED.

So I know how it feels to be bored with a relationship because you're use to the drama that comes along in a relationship. As we get older we understand that train of thoughts are stupid but it's a harsh reality. Some people don't grow up and see what real potential they have in front of them Lord knows I would give up everything to have that kind of love in a man again. I've meet some pretty harsh men who don't care about nothing but themselves and their sexual pleasure. So it mad me mad at my guy friend who just dumped his girl and then in the same sentence told her he loved her and he can see himself marrying her. My response to the situation is what the hell are you thinking??? So my advice to everyone is to enjoy that love that you have because you never know when that love will give up on you. You only love once really, so hold tight!


BTY the poem K.A.R.M.A was written about him

Will the real men stand up?????.....

This past year has a true year of change. Not just change for myself but also change for our African American culture. Over the past three years I've observed what "our" men has become. They're not the men of Martin Luther, Malcolm, Marshall, or W.E.B but they're the products of the pimps on the corner, the "part time" hustler that seem to have everything that we could possilbly "want" or they're the ultatimite porn star that you could ever fathum. Where are our real men??? Now don't get me wrong, I still love my men but I'm just a little confused? I'm confused about how some of our men can say they love their mothers and sisters, aunts and grandmother but with that same mouth they can turn around and call the next women who won't give them their numbers, a Bitch??? Where are we heading to; a path of destruction, abuse and haterated?

I've had my past of relationships where I loved and wanted but now all I discover is men who want a special pleasure along with that "love". I was reading in the September 2008 issuse of "Today's Black Woman" about my love style. Now this researcher by the name of John Lee discovered what the word "love" meant to a variety of different people. He concluded that there's six different ways how people view "love". You can read on your own the six different types of of ways people view them but mines is called EROS. Now this is suppose to mean love of beauty. It states, "This love style is focused around the sensual side of love, choosing partners using intution and instinct over logic or analysis. Erotic lovers are the most likely to "fall in love at first sight" and are more likely to use pet names like "honey" or "sweetheart." Erotic lovers are hopeless romantics, for whom relationships are simply one long honeymoon. Prone on naivete' and sentimentality, erotic lovers tent to live in a fantasy world and can be more vulnerable because of this. Yet they can make deeply intense and passionate lovers."

Now when read that I was like WOW that really does describe the type of person I am. But am I really living in a "fantasy" world?? Well more and more everyday it seems like I am. I guess you can say I'm still in waiting mode for the man to come and love me for me and sweep me off my feet. I'm waiting for the dreamlover to come and rescue me like Mariah Carey said. I've kissed alot of frogs to finally say I'm wiping my hands of that dream. I'm not in denial nor am I bitter but I am mad as hell! I'm mad at how our African American men are sleeping around with everyone they could possilbly get, spreading diseases, making more babies than they can claim and name, and saying I love you and don't really mean it!!! Yes I know I'm finally just a hopeless romantic that's in love with love but where is that strong man that can handle any situation? I've come across alot of weak men. Regardless if their weak in conversation, sex, financial stability, personality or judement. They're lacking the key potentials of what our past ansectors were. They were men of intergurity, pride and pose.

I fear for our future. What are our men today teaching their sons? Dislike their mothers and girlfriends, abuse every woman that you can by having sex with her and treating her as just piece of a$$, and every word out your mouth is a curse word because you can't think of a better "souding" word otherthan "FUCK"! If this is what we are striving towards then my god, I believe we're on the right track. LOL. Honestly, I'm not mad at my African American men but I want us to love again. Love one another and respect each other as one. When it all come down to it, like Jill Scott said what if we (black women) were poof; every black women in the world disappers, then what? How would you like that then? Our generation will end to be honest. So if you claim you love your Queen then why do you treat everyone as one of Mike Vick's dogs?

Again over the past year, I've been observing our African American men as a changing race who hates, constanly disrepect and put down his own race into shame. Why are you in love with the light skin/red bone, long hair, light eye, big booty girls that really are paying you no attention? I know they deserve love too, but if that is only what you seek, then you're not getting far in this world with that mind set...