Color of the Week

Sorry you guys that I haven't been updating you all about my nail polish of the week. I have been painting my nails but I've been too lazy of putting them up on the blog. I'll make sure I'll paint them again over the summer and post them. But for this week my nail color is.......

Ruby Pumps by China Glaze

Now I'm really scared/shy about wearing Red because people use to always tell me that dark skin black women dont look right wearing red polish and lip stick. So this is a BIG step for me. People say I look fine but it's still something that I have to get use to....what do you all think???

Practicing Patience

You may look at me and see me as a normal person without hardly any flaws. Life is in some kind of order. Mind is focus and maintained. Beyond all that I'm very much flawed, insane, actually screaming in silence.
What you fail to understand is in fact I'm a normal woman but I don't have "normal" problems. Everyone is different, everyone have their own issues and daily headaches. But for me right now, I have too many obstacles. The Lord has blessed me with numerous blessings but at the same time, the devil is just as busy trying to destroy my soul. He wants me to give up; to simply give in. There is a spiritual war going inside both you and I. It all comes down to who's side you're going to take.

For the past two years, I have been making a visual board of the things I want to accomplish, things I want do, and places I want to go. But this year I decided I needed to take that down, I need to start from scratch, I need new ideas along with my new attitude. I need to actually do these things I want to accomplish by just doing them. Everyone have short and long term goals but for me, my goals make me who I am. They help me mature, gain knowledge and want more out of life. My goals are what makes me drive my ambitious attitude to the max!

I am a true believer your success is determined by how many obstacles you've surpassed. And let's just say I have my share of obstacles. I'm still til this day am working on my past obstacles that I need to work on daily. I am like every woman that have "baggage" from previous experiences. But unlike most, I don't hold my "baggage" towards new and exciting experiences. I am a work in progress! Like I said two years ago I had that accomplishment wall and I have crossed off quite a few goals. But one of the things that I couldn't visually put up on the wall was a prayer.

I asked God to teach me patience. Little did I know what they meant when people warned me, "Be careful what you pray for." I just believed if you go to God with a burden, he'll see fit in his time to bless you and take that burden within himself. But I soon and later discovered God had plans for me. I was living my life financially carelessly, my relationships was nonchalantly put to the side, partying was overwhelming and not having a care in the world because I felt as though I had time. I had plenty enough time because I'm single, sexy and free! But God had plans for me.

God saw the way I carried myself, relationships, money and attitude. I guess he decided he needed to humble me, make me grateful and appreciative. God took away my pride, money, men, dreams, hope and some freedom. He humbled me. Now when I say he took away those things from me, I mean he gave quickly and took just as quickly. I thought my shit didn't stink and I could live my life the way I wanted. He broke me down to build me up. He provided new blessings. He made me open my eyes more to different people, places and things. He gave me the will to be stronger. He made me the woman I am today.

When I think about what God has done for me, I cry. I cry tears of happiness, not pain. I could have taken a different route and ended somewhere else. I never followed, always lead and because of that, I lead myself to greatness. I was so far at the bottom, I thought I'll never see the top. I cried, stressed, worried, cried, got depressed, had low self esteem all while incorporating more and more people and problems into my life. I never gave myself time to heal. I would physically feel myself getting sicker because of the stress and lack of's. I couldn't see the top.

I had to mentally and emotionally build myself up to the person I am today. Now when people look at me, they can see that I'm beautiful, I'm special. A lot of men can say they've never met a woman like me. When I tell people that I'm not that average chick, I mean it! I am that phenomenal woman that Maya Angelou was talking about. I been through and seen so much in such a little amount of time. I'm still learning everyday. But one thing for sure and two things for certain, I am blessed and truly grateful. I'm happy but not completely. There are still some things that I'm waiting on the Lord to bless me with.

I am flawed but that's what makes me perfect. People see me for me now. Not as someone whom they can read. I'm mysterious, quiet and challenging. I have an aura about myself that demands respect. I am a Queen in my own mind. A goddess past her prime. I am a biologist, a poet, a writer, a lover, a leader and an activist. But most importantly, I am God's child! Perfectly imperfect! Hello world, my name is Jamale.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Touch Me, Tease Me

(My Computer "Love")

Many nights we have stayed up texting, chatting, voicing our opinions verbally through transmissions over this thing called a cell phone. Even though, our love have been technology driven, some how it seems as though you're laying right next to me. Physically touching and teasing me, every inch.....of me from head to toe. Even though, we are technology driven our minds are preoccupied with thoughts of just every nasty, little, lustful thoughts that you send me through the phone. That makes me laugh. That makes me moan.....

Oooooh we're so technology driven, even though, that is the case, we are some how standing here looking at each other; face to face. No, no, no I'm not trippin, I'm not dreaming, I'm not fantasizing, we are spiritually connected. We're above all planes. Above all stars. Baby we're asteroids beating down the galaxy together. We're some how connected.. In just within that one second you touched me and teased every part. But just like you came so quick and you left so quick. You ran! You left, you ran. No explanations, no cry baby, I tell you why later on. No it was just as sad, sad goodbye. Non verbally, nothing like I have ever felt before from you. It was all communication is key. I'm a grown man about mines baby so why would I even lie? I have no time for that! These are the words you keep telling me but maybe that was simply an alibi? An alibi to cover up that simple lie?

That you weren't ready. You were not read...to be help, to be loved, to be cared for with no obligations. With no lies. With no mystery. I'm a woman about mines. I don't think you were ready. So you touched and you teased me just as quickly as you kissed and left me. While I stand here, dazed, wondering why? How could this beautiful man touch and tease a woman with his eyes?

Soulful Reflections

Soulful Reflections

I constantly strip myself down to my soul.

I lay my layered clothes down from everyone to truly see me.

But still people take my skin as another layer that hides my true complexion.

As I lay here naked, I'm getting abused; constantly beaten.

Beated by the world.

Beated by words.

Beated by thoughts.

This world leaves my skin so cold and visually bruised.

I'm physically and mentally exhausted.

My mind wonders and explores thoughts to places I've never dreamed

All while I lay naked.

I lay naked for the world to touch, explore and examine my body.

Dissect my brain.

Take apart my soul.

I reach towards people that aren't reachable.

I leave self inflicted wounds amongst my skin.

All because people take my skin as another layer that hides my true complexion.

I have given it thought to give in of finally letting go.

Giving up to give in.

Leaving my self inflict wounds unable to heal.

Leaving them open, puss filled, rotten, smelly, red, blistering, running over with uncontrollable ooze.

That way the world will see me for whom I really am.

Naked.

No cover ups.

No make up.

Filled with flaws,

imperfections,

and vulnerabilities.

Perfectly imperfect.

Simply complex.

Deeply saddened.

Reaching for dreams deferred.

Loving men who don't love me back.

Giving emotions to those that don't really deserve them.

Closing my eyes, laying naked, absorbing the negativity and embracing it.

Leaving myself exposed amongst everyone to the world.

Stripped down to nothing.

Written 5/13/2009