A Church to Call MY Own

Once I finished college I decided that I was going to go back to my home church and participate in almost everything. I was very focused and determined to get myself together spiritually. So that following month, June 2005, I started off at vacation bible school. I pushed my mom to attend every evening sermons and other activities they had. I was super excited to be back at my home church. But something wasn't right in my soul. I wasn't receiving the word correctly. I wasn't feeling welcomed. I wasn't feeling like I belonged. This small church that I once knew wasn't the same. They have since moved into a huge, mega church while I was away in college. They seem to have so many "funds" you can donate to. The Pastor stepped back and let other Ministers preach the word. By the end of the summer I knew I had to move on and get another church to fulfill my soul.

There I was again lost in the world without a place to call my home. To upkeep my attendance in the church, I attended church at my grandmother's church. This is our family church which all the grandchildren, aunts, uncles and cousin still gathered together for numerous amount of activies. The parishioners there are wonderful people and the Pastor is a wonderful guy. But all the members including the Pastor are well past my age. I have no one to relate to. They don't have alot of ministries nor do they do alot of community activities. So I knew that was a church I'll just visit occasionally.

I started a new job March 2008 and started telling one of my coworkers about my church woes. She agreed with me on some many levels how she went through some of the same situations. She told me I'm more than welcomed to visit her church home. I expressed to her that I wanted a small, humble church home. Somewhere I feel safe but my soul can receive it's weekly feeding of the word. She then told me her church might be a perfect fit for me. I was thinking initially I heard that before but let me give it a chance. So on June 2008, I visited her church. Instantly, I was smothered with nothing but love and overwhelming welcomes. Everyone was so nice and understanding. The Pastor was someone that everyone could relate to. He was once out there in the streets doing everything wrong under the moon and sun. He was once a heroin addict, womanizer and someone whom carried an anger problem. That first sermon was amazing. The church was absolutely amazing! I immediately went home and prayed to God to please show me if this church is right for me. By the next Sunday, I found myself at the church's alter giving myself to the church.

I was overwhelmed with so much joy and happiness! I finally found the church that I felt so comfortable with. I lived the word. I spread the word. I gave up alot of things. Such things as ways of thinking, attitude, men, friends and money. Everything that needed to be done right, I did it. I did it without hesitation because I believed in what I was doing was right. My church family was my extended family. I told my coworkers, my family and friends about this church all the time. I got my mom to come out and visit too. So from the months of June thru October I was very dedicated to my church. I was so proud of myself because I've never been so focused and dedicated to something so small but big in my whole life.

After the election of Barack Obama, we all went to church overwhelmed with pride! My church all worked so hard to promote Obama and his campaign so we in a way went to hear the word but celebrate in the process also. The Pastor opened up his sermon about the winning campaign of Obama so the sermon's subject was about CHANGE. We all listened closely as we all took in the word and examples of the sermon. Near the end of the sermon, the Pastor asked us all were we all ready for a change? Of course we all are ready for a change. We're Christians and we have to change everyday with the times. But his next words were a shock to our souls. He told us that that Sunday was the last Sunday in the building! We were like huh? Him and his wife decided to merge our congregation with his Pastor's congregation. At first we thought some of those church members were coming to our church but then he explained further that WE were closing doors. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. How did this happen to me?

The following Sunday we were suppose to all meet up at the other church to be introduced to the whole congregation. But I couldn't get myself out of bed that morning. I had a mini anxiety attack. It finally set in that my "perfect" church was gone. How could the Lord give me such a beautiful church and take it away from me in the matter of five months? In such a small time, I changed some pretty big things. I was devastated! Therefore, I couldn't find myself out of bed that Sunday nor no Sunday after that. I still prayed and kept my eyes on God no matter what. I also talked to my coworker whom introduced me to the church almost everyday about my feelings. During the closing of the church doors, she was out on maternity leave so I had to call her to tell her about the closing. She and her husband didn't believe me until they rode past the church and saw the Realtors lock on the door. She cried. We cried.

The Pastor decided to call or email each one of his members because apparently alot of people didn't merge with the new church. From what I heard from my coworker, she said only 3 people merge with the new church out of over 50 members. That's alot of people that was obviously hurt and devastated. Finally I emailed the Pastor to let him know how I really felt about all the transformation. Within the email, I explained to him how hurt I was and how much him and his wife have motivated me to change directions in my life. How dedicated and serious I was about the church for it to only close it's doors in my face. His simple reply was that he was the overseer of the church and he and his wife saw it best to close the doors. No explanation, no apologies, no love! I felt lost, hurt and pained. How dare you close the doors without your paying congregation and without the elders knowing?? He simply left everyone hanging!

After that I didn't know what to do about that situation. I wanted to go see this new church but I couldn't find myself doing so. First of off it's a "mega church" with three locations, you have to make appointments to see the Pastor, it's too far and I wouldn't feel comfortable. So I decided against it. Since then I really haven't attended church. Not because I lost my faith but because all these surrounding churches are just too big! I'm a woman that like small, southern style churches. I love the unity of small churches and the intimacy of them. They care and love their members. They didn't loose focus of what it is to still suffer. Like I'm doing now, suffering.