Don't Fall for This

(Dedicated to Future Lovers)

Please, please don't fall for this. I am poison ivy. I am bound to fuck up your life, fuck up your dreams, fuck up your heart. I have been played so many times that I now know the game. As a matter of fact, I play it on repeat. Ummm my dream one day was to be happy, get married and have some kids but times have changed.

I am bound to fuck up your life. I am poison ivy that rose from the concrete that rise above the grass and builds itself upon that big beautiful oak tree. The once wise oak that use to stretch it's limbs from branch to branch to branch. My poison ivy will crawl up that oak tree suck up it's nutrients and watch it rot. As I stribble back down that once wise oak tree and move to the next. I am bound to fuck up your life.

So please, please don't fall for this. I was once this queen of excellence. This queen from which this king was happy and pleased to be put on the throne. But now that I have stepped down that once high seat I will hold my own gown. I will trail my own path. I will continue to be free! I was once happy. I was once sad but right now I really don't give a damn. Don't fall for this. Please, please don't fall for this.

I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need. I don't know what I should reach for, accomplish for, what my ambition and dreams are. I don't know what I want but until you came along. I didn't know what I want. But now that you have came along I believe all I want is you. But I'm scared to let you in cause I know that I'm bound to fuck up your life. I told you I was once that poison ivy that reached that tall oak tree that sprouted it's limbs from branch to branch to branch. And now that I fucked up that oak tree and sprouted to the next I'm going to do the same thing to you. So why should I even try to let you inside?

I am bound to fuck up your life aren't I? But you still want to give it a try? Yea I guess you know not all apples in that bunch are spoiled rotten. I guess I was that apple that was never picked. So with time my outer layer began to look rough; cuts, marks, bruises were obvious. But deep down inside there's nothing but that sweet soft apple. But you sure you want to take this route? You sure you want to take this route of being my man? Cause like I told you before please don't fall for this. That's only because I believe I failed many times and I am now just a victim of what was given to me by circumstance. But you still see beyond my pain. You actually see that young woman that use to laugh, love, that use to smile. That use to enjoy the pleasures that life bring and I thank you for that. I appreciate you for that. I actually love you for that. But again I warned you I am bound to fuck up your life. So please, please don't fall for this. But now matter how hard I try not to fall for you, you fell for me.

Written 1/24/2008

Is Bill Cosby Right???

A little over a year ago, Bill Cosby came out with a vengeance to the black community. He was sick and tired, tired of being sick and tired with his own race and I don't blame him! Over the past 20 years, our race (African American/Blacks) has changed tremulously. We can not keep blaming the "white man" for all our problems is his philosophy. We as a culture have to stand up and take responsibility for what we're doing wrong.

Take for example, there is an alarming rise of HIV/AIDS rates, premarital sex and single parenting in the Black community. You don't find it uncommon to have a young, teenage mother walking alone with two or three kids with all different Daddies! I'm going to say this, I don't agree with everything that Bill Cosby is saying. He can be kind of harsh and rude but at least he's someone who's bringing light to this underlying issue! I find it unbelievable how I can go on a website such at "YOU KNOW YOU'RE DEAD AZZ WRONG" and see our black women everyday exploiting themselves for money and attention. This isn't the first website like this but the most amusing one for me right now.(Hey DurtyMo!) LOL. In a lot of these pictures you can see on any given day, how these women flaunt every nook and cranny of their body for someone to take a picture of them. They will do the most unusual sex positions or things to "please" their mates with their children in the background. *blank stare* How dare they corrupt the youth?! These young babies are growing up mimicking everything that they see their parents are doing to the cameras. What makes it so bad, they even show their daughters how to "pop that coochie on a head stand" like they do at work!!! Again Black people we have to do better!

In a way, I believe our Black culture are slowly hating themselves and they don't see the damage that they're producing. Some blogs ago, I blogged about how I'm happy being nappy. A lot of women have told me that I'm crazy for locking such "beautiful" hair and they will never let go of that lye relaxer. Let me repeat myself, nappy is not for everyone. But when you start putting weaves in your hair down to your butt and claiming that's all yours because you paid for it, now that's a damn shame! Why can't you be happy with what God has given you? Have you noticed how a lot of the white women plump their lips fuller to get those Black lips? Or better yet, everyone is getting a butt lift! You have so many young women who look up to you and want to be just like you. I can remember how I wanted my hair to grow just like Aaliayh. I adore and cherished her for being so real and the typical around the way girl. I would slick my hair down and part it just like hers. I wanted my hair to hang long and proud just like hers. I was so shocked when I was in high school that Aaliyah's hair wasn't relaxed, it was natural! Her stylist would just hood dry with a wrap, flat iron and curl. Her hair was so use to it,that finally it just layed there perfectly always. I admired her "natural" beauty but I didn't understand my "natural" beauty just yet.

It took me years to accept myself for what I am now. I am perfect in God's eyes. So what I don't have that big donkey Kong butt, melon breasts, super curvy hips, long hair and cat like eyes! I am a brown skin, nappy headed, educated, nerdy, beautiful BBW! I flaunt whatever I have but in a classy way. I'm a woman at ALL times! I can only change so much of my physical weight but I will always be "PoeticMind" no matter what. I never followed crowds and still don't. But I find a lot of my female friends/acquaintances want to be the next "it" girl or the life of the party. We find this daily in our gossip pages. The girl that does everything when she's drunk. *SMH* These girls (not women!) make me sick and embarrassed. I see how a lot of cultures/religions sometimes look down upon us. I was once that young lady who was dwelling down that spiny road but luckily I found myself before it was too late. Too late to unclaim that baby daddy, lost of education, working dead end jobs, going to the club every weekend while my parents watch my child/children, and living in the fast lane. Steady flirting with every guy that I meet and hoping that he makes me his next "wifey." LOL. This crap is getting old ladies!

Gentlemen (using the term lightly) you're just as wrong as the last foul woman. How can you keep having sex with all these different women from the clubs, hoping that you remembered to put on a condom the night before. Trying to holler at every PYT (pretty young thang) that walks past your sight while you're holding your little son or daughter. Your sons treat women just like his father does and the daughter will learn her first relationship based on love from her Daddy. You have to remember even though you didn't request to have a child, they're God's gift for you to take care of, STOP DENYING YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! No child asks to be born and be denied. Rejection hurts. Bill Cosby has never had to endure any of these thing but he see it everyday just like any culture. Why are so many attacking him and telling him to shut up and sit down? He actually has a point! Our elderly grandparents tell us all the time how to respect one another, especially the elderly, love thy neighbor, stick up for one another, love your spouse like you love God and most importantly be a man/woman and take care of your responsibilities.

We have to teach our children that what we're doing now isn't right. Our children are our future. Without them, our practices, ideas, cultures, routines, religion, customs, etc. will not continue. They are the ones who have to carry the torch once we're gone. I feel sorry for my children when I finally have some. I want to teach them the right and wrong ways of doing/saying things. I want them to study mannerisms, attitudes, faces, reactions and their surroundings. I want them to be better than what I am. I want them to love themselves, flaws and all and let the world fall in love with them. Not some man/woman who told them how cute/sexy/fine/beautiful they are. I want people to see my children for what they really are, God's gifts to this world. We have to teach and raise our children better than what our parents did for us. Protect them, for they are our future.

So do you believe Bill Cosby is right, Has Black Middle Class lost their minds?? Comment

Mental Orgaism

(Chantez)

The bitter sweetness of sex. I've been tossed, grabbed, licked, sucked and flipped. Anyone now a days can have sex I always say but not everyone can be mentally stimulated. The stroke of a tongue upon your back, the roaming free fingertips against your skin and the loud screams of one's name can turn anyone on.

But the mental foreplay is what I'm looking for. The dizziness from the sex hormones make me loose control. I try my best to gain my dignity as I cling to the pillow that I continue to hold. As you pursue the dish that you wanted so badly to eat, I scream your name louder. You grab my thighs tighter and bite inside so sensually.

While both our climaxes are about to rise you stop to tease me and look me dead in my eyes. Finally an overwhelming feeling comes over me. I've finally been satisfied. The gods, cosmos or universe and the people that study them couldn't explain to me what just happened. I'm on this natural high; beyond cloud nine.

After all, mentally penetrated.

Can You Really Wear That? (continued)

Ok a couple of blogs back I wrote about Fashion Designers. I did state that one of the reason's why some of these people's lines flop is because of their prices. Well I'll be golly bee!! Look at what I found on Bossip.com's website....



"Sales of the rapper’s gear have failed to take off because of the ongoing economic crisis and the clothing line’s high prices and limited availability. Andre launched Benjamin Bixby in September 2008 and the line included a sweater vest with a $275 price tag and a $1,400 leather jacket.
The Outkast rapper has now been forced to slash prices and sell his clothing via discount luxury sites. “The Benjamin Bixby clothing line is facing severe financial hardships due to limited sales and excess inventory. Because [Andre] paid so much attention to detail, his clothing line was not cheap to reproduce on a mass scale. Instead, limited quantities of the collection were made and sold primarily online through luxury fashion sites such as Barneys.com,” the site said in an exclusive report.
“The problem is no one is buying the clothing line because of the high price point and no brand equity. As a result, the Benjamin Bixby clothing line has had to dramatically drop prices in order to move inventory and prevent retailers from shipping it all back to Mr. Benjamin,” the site revealed
“It’s not a good sign to see your four month old fashion collection on discount luxury sites, but the fact is selling the inventory at a low price is better than it sitting on the shelf and not making a dime,” the site added."



Now I don't mean to be rude or knock anyone's dream but who the hell told him that selling sweaters for $275 will be hot?? This kills me! You see your "people" in a recession and you really think we're going to go out and buy this? $275 that could be three to four bills being paid!! LOL. I'm not going to spend that much money on something as fessible as a damn sweater. If you're trying to make your mark in the fashion world, come out with a sense of fashion that will be markable for those everyday people like me and you. Like I said before, no one want to look like they belong back in the 1920's all over again. We like the grown man/country boy look sometimes but not on a everyday look. We as African Americans need to reach out and help ourselves and our people some other way. We have to do better!!! *SMH*

Club Etiquette

Last night I decided to go out with my cousins to this respectable Reggae club. My cousins and I range in ages, 27,25 and 23. We are all on the same level of partying standards and we know when enough is enough. I don't go out as often as my 23 yr. old cousin do but I do know a thing or two about club etiquette.

When we first walked into the club, first off the bouncer was trying to talk to my younger cousin. She is very beautiful and curvy so what man don't want to holla? But as we made our way to the bar, an unknown guy was watching her. We decided that we wanted to stand in front of this room heater since there wasn't a lot of people there just yet due to it being fairly early still. As we were standing there, men were flocking over to my cousin. Now let me explain, NO my cousin didn't have anything hanging out, swinging, showing or calling for immediate attention unlike the other women standing around us, like I said earlier she's curvy! So what kills me (not like I'm hating) but why stand around women like we're some type of meat and you're ready to go in for the kill?? Wow bammas can yall back up and give a sista 15 feet? LOL.

As time goes on and the music begin to really play, my older cousin and I decided that we wanted to get closer to the dance floor and "wine our dutty hips" as the Islanders say. Little did we know we left our younger cousin to the wolves!!! A guy approached her (the one who saw here at the bar) and asked why such a pretty lady is sitting by herself? She proceeded to tell him that she wasn't feeling the music at that time and she's fine. Well he wanted to buy her a drink in the meantime. OK cool but the kicker is he wanted her to sit down and let him get the drink! WHAT?! Ummmm no sir, she told him she would follow him to the bar because she doesn't know nor trust him. I guess you can say this was the start of a "beautiful" relationship. LOL.

Rule #1: If you buy a lady a drink, that does NOT give you the right to stalk her all damn night! You can get to know someone without alcohol.

Rule #2: Ladies if you don't want this stalking to occur, politely say no thanks and buy your own. It will truly work out in the end! *smile*

My younger cousin finally decided to join us on the dance floor with her "boyfriend" in tow. But it was this one guy that was staring my older cousin down from head to toe. He was the most rudest person that you could ever met! He busted in between my younger cousin and I to get to my older cousin just to get rejected. When I noticed that he was still standing directly in front of me and backing up, I nicely tapped him on his shoulder and told him that I was dancing and you're in my space to do so, he waved me off. My older cousin informed him that he was being rude and was violating our space. Oh he didn't like that! So he acted like my cousin didn't blow him off and took his anger out on us. He proceeded to tell us that he didn't want none of us to touch nor talk to him. We were like cool but you are the one who's standing in front of us all in our dance area. So I guess he wanted to taunt us and act like he was going to throw his drink on us and we had that attitude like "we wish a ni99a would!" We're fam and we're not going to let nothing happen to us. He kept circling around us and talking to us guys, pointing at us like we were supposed to be scared. I BUSTED OUT LAUGHING! I'm not scared of nobody but Jesus sir! NEXT

Rule #3: Don't drink if you can't hold your liquor properly.

Rule #4: Don't get mad if a girl isn't feeling you. It's alright, she wasn't the one for the night so don't stalk her. You're only making her madder.

Finally after my older cousin kept getting hit on by random, drunk men I decided that I wanted to go sit down since I've been dancing in heels for an hour straight. While I was over there my older cousin had a dance floor stalker looking all over the club for her and my other cousin had guys waiting in line to talk to her. I just shook my head at all this drama and thanking God this wasn't my night that I wasn't getting harassed like I always do. We observed this one "couple" who requested that this random guy get off the wall next to our table so he can really enjoy his dance from this beastly looking woman. While this monkey humping was going next to me, my cousins left me alone for a little while. This is the point of the night were I'm observing the environment/people. I noticed several of women with dresses on that made them look like they were pregnant, showed all their rolls or stretch marks.

Rule #5: Look at yourself front, back and sideways when you look into the mirror. If it don't look right then it's not right!

Rule #6: Stop showing everything that you can offer to the club and then give the men the side eye when you don't like the way he's approaching you. It's what's you're selling!

Rule #7: Freak a guy in a classy way. Don't dip it low like you're a stripper! Give him a seductive dance that will have him smiling while receiving it.

Moving on: The monkey's to my right were exchanging numbers while this crazy man was dancing spiratically to my left, I rolled my eyes. I was constantly reminding myself this is the reason why I don't do the club scene anymore. This crap gets old! So the beastly looking woman's friend asked could she sit down where my older cousin was sitting and I told her it was fine until my cousin came back. While she was sitting there, the beastly woman demanded that she go out on the dance floor and find whatever she lost of hers. She was calling her all types of "bitches and hoes" that I just couldn't believe my ears! This is how you talk to your good girlfriends now a days? Chiiiiiillllleee please, I'm not a bitch and I'm far from a hoe! The other beastly woman's friend was helping look for whatever was missing and decided she wanted to say something to me while I was sitting there. She leaned over in my ear and ask me " I know you didn't come to the club to sit down?" I smile and told her that I had danced earlier that night. But then I thought to myself, Who the hell are you and why are you in my business? If I choose to come to the club and do nothing but be a wallflower then that my business! *eye roll* Needless to say I got up after my younger cousin motioned for me to come on the dance floor, perfect timing! After 3:00am we finally all agreed that we had enough of this madness. My older cousin was going home to her man and kids, while my younger cousin and I were going home to our sanity. Thank God
BTW: The monkey man that was dancing with beastly woman, decided he wanted to grab my arm as I was proceeding to tell my friend who bar tends there good nite. That monkey wanted my number. EWWW you're nasty! Chiiiiillllleeee bye! LOL

Rule #8: Don't go to the club looking for something, you might get what you asked for but in a bad way.

Rule #9: Sometimes it's just too many men in the club to one woman. Don't hawk a one woman all night because she's tired by the end of the last convo. She'll have an attitude when you approach her.

Rule #10: If you don't have no money, take your broke a$$ home! Stop booty tootin for drinks ladies, it isn't cute.

Rule #11: If you're a bouncer and you're trying to talk to a young lady when she's leaving the club, don't you think she's going to say no because she knows you're hollering at every cutie that walks through the door?? (unless she's a hoodrat and really don't care)

Designer Bags

I had this one particular convo. with a lot of my male patients that they seem to don't understand. They see me all the time with a nice bag (aka purse) which is designer and they always ask, "Why do yall women spend all that money on those bags??" I smile. Well let me try to explain this the best way I know how. I try to to explain to them first off, this is only my opionion so don't take this as a general one.

What is the purpose of a woman's purse you might ask? A woman's purse is to carry around her life with her daily. Whether it's to carry all her money, planner, keys, cosmetics, mail, etc. she needs it to be there on stand by. Now in my bag, I carry my planner, keys, all my lip glosses (gotta have lips poppin), phone, pens, wallet, IPod, eye glasses, contact lens case, perfume, lotion and my inhaler(I have asthma!). These items are my daily dose of me. I need all these things to be on stand by whenever I need access to them. Now when I put these things in my bag, I want my purse to be a reflection of me. If I'm carrying my "life" around with me everyday, why can't I have a nice bag to show off me?

My bag is a show off piece in a way and it's a great conversation starter. But most importantly a hater magnet. You can either get plenty of compliments, stares or criticism. Either way us women thrive off it. If another women compliments the bag to the point she "trys" it on and say it'll match her outfit she has on or the one that she has in her closet then you know you picked out a bangin bag. BUT get it from her quick and don't leave it around her too long. The reason so because she's gonna keep "trying" it on and/or ask you questions into where you got it from. Now ladies, you know the golden rule: Don't ask another woman where she shopped!! We as women are very selfish when it comes to our identity. We don't want to look like another chick or have her flaunt around the same style as you. Now the haters will hate. They hate the fact that you had enough money to by that "expensive bag." Don't get mad at me because I saw a bag that I "had to have" and you didn't have the nerve or the funds to get it!!! That's my money and my blessing so stop hating! Back up I need 15 feet.LOL

Men we do try to save our money sometimes and go out and buy imatiation designer bags. Don't get me wrong, not all my bags are imatiations, I only have one so far. I don't play with those when it comes to my favorite designer bag, COACH. I feel as though every woman can shop there at least once in their life because it's really not that expensive. It's not like you're going out and buying no Luis Vutton, Chritian Dior, Prada, Gucci or D&G. Thank God though I do have the hook up at COACH!!! LOL.

Imatations are great when you see all those other designer bags that cost a down payment on a house, you can easily go out to Canal St. in NYC! Yes I have shopped there and please don't hate on that fact. I refuse to spend $10,000 on a bag that can easily rip/tear or could have been put toward my college loan payback! That's just ridiculous. I know what's my means and what's not so I don't plan to live past that. But if the bag's stiching is right and for that right price, we have a deal! Plus let the haters hate if they think I have a $10,000 purse!

So with all that being said, I want my bag to be a refection of who I really am. If it's flashy, I felt like being flashy for the day. If I want to be simple, then I don't want a lot of attention. If I want to feel different then I will be just that! I am a unique individual so my bag need to be a great reflection of that! So I'll buy whatever I want with that price. Hey if you men can buy $150 pair of Jordans then I can rock my new bag for that price also?!

BTW: The pictures above are my next bags that I'm getting next month. HaHa. Hi haters!

Music

As our bodies intertwine and dance, we move to a different rhythm. We make music with our own drums and beats. We are one, in tune with our souls. My hips slowly guide your drumstick against my drum. As you penetrate deeply, the loud horns begin to play. The friction against our chests brings forward the perfect sounds of a hand percussion.

We are drumming to our own beat. Your fingertips glide across my skin as if you're playing your favorite song on a grand piano. As the instruments still play, you decide you want to change the tempo by trying another tune. Without loosing the rhythm, you some how lift and flip the drum. Without hesitation, you stroke my face to help me reach my final falsetto. We are beating and making music on our own drum. Our rhythm of love is becoming unbearable. As we come to the end of our song, we slowly look into each others eyes to savor the moment in time. Savor the music that we wrote and own. This is our music of love.

Written

1/14/09